Just chillin' with Kibble #mydateforthenight

Hey, everyone. Guess what? Not too much longer till spring break. Ready? Here we go.

So...I got a 100% on my last Chinese Civ test. I just felt like bringing that up as another way to justify myself being an Asian Studies major. I can do this. I'm also going to be taking Chinese next year. I've decided, and I'm going to go through with it. Chinese and Japanese...does this make me insane...? But, guys, have you ever heard how beautiful Chinese is? It's gorgeous! You should all listen to the "Welcome to Beijing" song from the 2008(?) Olympics. I've listened to it quite a bit, and man, pretty. (Too bad those Olympics were riddled with so many scandals.)

Also, I tend to make weird noises. Fortunately, my guinea pigs are used to me by now and don't even twitch when I randomly growl or do an outburst. They sit and watch me with half-closed eyes and occasionally chew on something nearby. Speaking of guinea pigs, I got them out today after I formed a barrier in the room, and it was so cute to watch them "popcorn".

Popcorning is when your guinea pigs twitch and jump...it's hard to explain, but it means they're happy. They were so excited... Agh! I am so excited for my bunny, guys. Though they shouldn't live together, guinea pigs and bunnies can be friends. I learned this not only from books, but from personal experience with my old guinea pig, Thistle, and Kyle's bunny, Charlie. (They shouldn't live together because rabbits sometimes randomly kick out and can injure a guinea pig severely.)

Now to segway into something completely different: I'm in love with my sculpture. Like, it's not even all that attractive, it's a shapely plaster blob...but I keep hugging it and petting it like it's alive. I dunno, there's something about how cool and reassuring it is to touch. Not to mention my professor also really likes it. (Finally!) He described the way the light fell on it as "beautiful" and was picking it up and moving it about.

So yes, I'm making a plaster blob that I initially made to look vaguely like an animal in a fetal position, which shifted when the plaster went on to look completely and utterly alien. I mean, from one angle, I can see a lion in a way... in another, a landscape. It's hard to explain. When it's done, I'll show you all pictures. It's doubtful that you'll be impressed, since it is just a shapely blob, but hey, I'll share it anyway. I don't know why I like it so much...

Oh! I had my recital this week, and I must say, my Gaelic piece went splendid. Now that that's done, I have to memorize "Everything's As if We Never Said Goodbye" for my next performance which is Friday, for Woman's Chorale. After that, I really should be done with everything overly stressful.

However, I don't have a typical Japanese final, which scares me. We just have a speaking final, and that's worrying. I'm bad at speaking in English. My thoughts get jumbled. I'm much better when I can put it on paper. So, yeah, this is worrying. But, I mean, I'll be living in Japan my junior year, so this should be good practice. Either way, I'll be stressing about that, but until this performance is over, I'm going to try and turn my focus away.

Have a great week.

I'd rather drink blood than have to go to high society.

Hey, everyone. Guess what? This is my 200th post. Ready? Here we go.

This week contained Valentine's Day. Now, I'm not a hater of Valentine's Day or anything, but this sign hanging up said "Looking for a socially conscious way to show that special someone you care?" My answer was this: No. I am not.

There comes a point where all of this free trade stuff is too ridiculous and overused for me. Honestly, it's some chocolate. I'm a cheap college student that doesn't want to spend an extra 50 cents on a truffle. Not to mention the way they phrased it as "socially conscious" and "guilt free".

It's just...really, guys? Really? No. No, I am not.

Not to mention the whole "love your body" week. I don't really have any problems with the way I look, but neither do I want to emphasize on "loving my body". It's a body, guys. It's a BODY. Everyone has one. I'm not overly interested in it or what it does. It's just a vessel and eventually it'll wear out and die. Blegh. Plus, I don't dig walking around campus and seeing poorly drawn representations of breasts everywhere. Really? Since when was loving your body all about boobs?

Also, this may be a touchy subject, but what about the people that have never felt comfortable in their bodies? I read a book about a transgender teen once, and they didn't seem particularly happy about having a vagina. Unless they meant the whole aspect of having a body, not emphasizing on a particular part.

However, when you just draw a bunch of breasts, you would think they were going for the more sexualized aspect of your body. Also, on that note, I read an article about Vagina Monologues since Knox put on a performance. No, all women do not secretly want to talk about their vaginas. There just comes a time where all of this gender and sexual stuff is just too much for me and overly emphasized. Sorry, Carissa! You probably disagree with all of this!

On a happier note, don't kill me guys, but I'm going to get a bunny over spring break. I know someone who has some babies and they're currently using our rabbit hutch anyway. I feel like it's full circle. Also, I've always wanted one, and never had the chance. Kyle had a bunny, and now it's my turn. Jade and I rearranged the room and we have plenty of room. I'm very excited for this, even though you guys may think it's irresponsible. However, the other people I've talked to on campus were like, "Does your roommate agree?" I said yes, and they looked at me then said, 'Then why the hell not?" Thank you, Allison.

They aren't too dissimilar from guinea pigs, and there's this shop called 'Rabbit Stop' in town, and yes, it IS socially conscious to go there, so HA. Plus, everything is so much cheaper there than it is at Wal Mart. It's a great place.

Also, I want to tell you I adore Gilli and Kira from Japanese club. Jade and I have started going over there every Friday to watch Japanese movies. Currently we've seen Death Trance, Bunraku, and Moonchild. We also just hang out and watch youtube clips of my newest obsession, Gackt, who Kira and Gilli were only too happy to introduce to me. (Jade already knew of him.) Gackt is...GREAT. TEEHEE. He's gorgeous!

Man...I feel like I should rant about Moonchild just...just...I don't even know. It starts out with Gackt, who plays Sho in the movie as an orphan who meets a vampire, who is played by the jrocker, Hyde. It skips ahead how many years and you see Sho as an up-and-coming gangster sort of guy and it's really funny and great. We meet some more characters, then some shit goes down and suddenly we skip forward nine years and Hyde is in jail and really depressed because he's a vampire. It was like...what? And everyone else doesn't even know where he is, Sho is married, and it's just... Then you get involved just watching the gang wars going on and you forget for awhile that there's a vampire in the movie and everything seems pretty plausible. Then suddenly, vampire back in the picture, and you're all...what? I swear, they should have just made it into a love story between Gackt and Hyde, because everything else was...what? What just happened? Seriously? This went down? What are you even-rip up napkin at throw it at the TV.

Japanese movies, guys. Japanese movies.

On the other hand, everyone likes to laugh at my reactions.

But no, seriously, what the hell, Gackt? Why did you write and direct this? Why?

Thursday was a shitastic day. The toilet broke after I tried flushing it and wouldn't...stop...flushing. Which was creepy, but I said screw it and took my shower anyway. After that, I went to Japanese class and a fellow student was horribly rude to my professor and complained that he never learned anything, even though I saw him randomly filling in answers to his homework right before class began. He doesn't put in the work, yet complains that he doesn't know anything. Right. Then I tripped up some stairs and banged my knee pretty badly. Seriously, it hurt so much I thought I was going to throw up. Even now, it's sporting a spectacular bruise. After that, I had sculpture, which wasn't so bad, and then choir. By the end of the day, I was ready to curl up into a ball.

However, since that day, things have been going pretty smoothly.

Either way...

Have a great week.

Damn it, I took an ice cream sandwich from the right box but it was the wrong flavor. #ohgodhowwilligoon

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I'm going to type this to you before I study for my two tests tomorrow. Ready? Here we go.

This past week I was really worried that I wasn't necessarily good at anything anymore. This was mostly brought on by sculpture since I have a B+ in the class. Not anymore, apparently everyone I've talked to in the class has a B or a B-. Currently, I'm the only one I know with the B+. Of course, I haven't asked everyone, but the general consensus was that. Not to mention that my professor (finally) likes one of my sculptures! We're doing this project where we have to replicate an object as step one. Step two is faceting the object, and step three is cutting it apart and putting it back together again in different ways. I did that, and I actually enjoyed it. I think it's because I'm working with clay. Clay is so much more fun than cardboard, guys, and it's more willing to move for your fingers.

As I pieced together what had been my replica of a bone, my mind started to see a landscape. It almost resembled Ireland in a way, and I think my Gaelic piece really came out at that point as I started to see cliffs and caves.

Then my professor came over and confirmed what I was thinking, that it was beautiful and looked like a certain painter's landscape. Then he said, if you thought about what it had been, it took on a grotesque image of a joint or bone gone wrong, like not fully developed. He found it fascinating how close it was to both subjects, that it was both beautiful and grotesque. I was extremely pleased with this sentiment.

Okay, you can't tell, but I just left the bathroom because I was helping Jade dye her hair, because she's never dyed it before. She came into the room while I was typing this and asked how she had done, and there were huge patches of brown showing through, so I got up to help.

So, finally, guys. I have a sculpture my professor likes.

みんなさんが大好きです！です！

I just said I love everyone. Congrats. You're part of that.

Anyway, that's my transition over to the Asian Studies part of my education. I was pleased because I scored a 98 out of 100 on my Chinese Civ test. I'm also strongly considering taking Chinese. I think I can do it, and I'm very, very interested. However, I don't want to overload myself when I'm planning on studying abroad in Japan. I feel like I should concentrate on all things Japanese before I go my Junior year.

Oh! Also, next semester's schedule is Intro to Japanese and Korean Civ, Mathematical Ideas, and Japanese 3. I won't have to get up till nine everyday, and I'll have Tuesday completely free. I've started to like Sculpture more, but at the same time, it's really stressful considering how much time I put into it.

I have a feeling that next semester will be stressful simply because of math. However, if I get math, I don't mind doing it... I think it'll be better than the computer math I took first semester, because this will be more like high school math. You know? Like, classroom, teacher, learning. Not just you and a computer. I can't learn on a computer. Computer is my fuuun space.

What else did I want to say...

Oh! About my sculpture project! Apparently there's some sort of art show and he thinks that if our sculptures keep going like this, (he likes quite a few of them, and so do I... this clay project has been good for everyone), then he'll be entering them in the show and he thinks that several of them could compete for first place in their category. The prizes are around $100 or more. I'm very excited, I want this to work. On Tuesday, we then begin to translate our project over into plaster. I've worked with plaster before, and I found that it was pretty soothing, like clay. I want to do this right, guys. I want to do this right.

But anyway. I've had a really busy weekend. I went to a dance with Jade for our suite, and then fled after 20 minutes because of the awkwardness, then I went to watch "Death Trance" with Kira, Jade, and Gilli. The ending sucks. Everyone was laughing because of my reaction to it, but other than that, it was enjoyable. I'm so glad I have friends in the Japanese Club. Really, the club is awesome! The next day I went to a community all-you-can-eat chocolate event with the Japanese club. Then we wandered around town before coming back for a cultural tea. We just sat and talked, and Gilli told us all about Japan. I am so much more excited. I mean, I was excited before, but now I'm crazy enthusiastic-two-years-cannot-pass-soon-enough.

Also, because I can... チョコレートが大好きです！ I felt like I should say I love chocolate because of the chocolate event. Mm, speaking of which, I heard that it's supposed to snow tomorrow. 'Bout time we had some real winter around here.

Oh! I suggest that you guys check out the sculptor Andy Goldsworthy. I'm doing a presentation on him for Sculpture and I really love his work. He's a nature sculptor and it's really cooooool.

Well...

Have a great week!

Currently making guesses at the lifespan of your new pets.

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I'm 19 now. Ready? Here we go.

I just finished clipping my guinea pig's nails for the first time, and I'm feeling pretty accomplished. It was a bit of a struggle with the front nails, but the back nails went perfectly fine.

Anyway.

This week...hm...it was a long week, and I have some things I would like to discuss. Like...the B+ I'm getting in Sculpture. I don't care if it's a college class, I've never gotten a B in an art class. And it's not because I'm not putting effort into it! I spend over ten hours on each project, and yet this... AGH. It's because I don't like abstract! I'm even trying to do it, but grrr. In the end, I'm just not going to care, but...I AM trying! WHATEVER. This is the problem with art classes that are too focused and too strict in one style. They just completely squeeze the life out of you. Unlike last year's 3D art, this is too specific within the project's boundaries, also, the professor...is just BIASED. Agh! I like my professor though...I just hate abstract! Sorry... I'm really frustrated by this because I feel like I can't show anyone my skills. It's like, hey, I can do art, why won't you let me?

This weekend was fun, even though on Saturday, which was my birthday, I was so exhausted I burst into tears near the end. I got up early that morning then went to see Dorian's improv in Cedar Rapids, which is around two hours away. Her improv was at ten, so therefore, I had to get up really early. I was sick the entire day too, but it was fun... I went out to eat with my parents and Jade, then we went around different stores. Jade bought Tsuki, or 月。Which means "moon" in Japanese. It can also be pronounced as "gatsu" but that's an entirely different meaning. Tsuki is a hamster, and she's just so cute! Jade nearly bought a hamster different from Tsuki, but then this hamster began having babies right at that moment... Yeah.

After that, we drove home and I had supper with my family and received presents from Dani and Shelbie. (Jade had already given me hers.) Then we went bowling. At that point, I was so mentally drained I needed to come home and sleep.

Man, I am not typing well today. I guess I'm just so scatterbrained after this weekend.

I want to emphasize that I had fun, despite the few exhausted tears and the sickness.

My parents really went out of their way to make sure it was a fun day, and I really appreciated it! The topper of the day was when I was laying in bed that night and Beanie jumped up on my bed and fell asleep. Usually he's in the laundry room at night. But he hadn't been put in there that night, and he chose to sleep with me, and I always miss him while I'm away. While I laid there in bed, I just stared out at my room with a quiet smile and mentally thanked everyone and everything. There was complete peace. Thank you, universe, for that quiet moment with Beanie. That simple act of love... Sigh. I love my family and all my wonderful friends. I'm so thankful for them. Even though I was sick, they managed to bring a smile to my face, albeit a tired one.

So I guess that's what I'm trying to say, through all this babble. Thank you, guys. Thank you. I'm nineteen now. Once again, I'm an age that seems impossible. Last year I could scarcely believe I was 18, and now I'm 19. Where does the time go? Next year I will be twenty. It's impossible. It's crazy. I can't believe it, but I'm glad for it. I'm living, I'm doing well, I know what I want to do, even if it's just a vague idea or inspiration. I have a chance to do whatever I dream, and I have so many opportunities to complete. Getting older...hm. Maturing? Never. I'll keep going because I can and because I will.

This is the precipice of my life, guys. I'm at so many crossroads right now that it makes me dizzy. I have the opportunity to do something big, or I can choose simplicity. In the end, it's up to me. I'm just glad I have everyone in my life.

...With that said, I have a huge Japanese test tomorrow.

Thank you all for sticking with me, and if you aren't planning to do so anymore, I wish you the best of luck and many more birthdays! Be happy for a birthday. It's your special day. Doesn't matter if someone else shares it. It's still yours.

Have a great week.

I think my ravioli was rotten somehow, but I ate it anyway. Bad decision.

Hey, everyone. Sorry about not posting yesterday. This weekend was really busy with I-fair and just...hm. Ready? Here we go!

You know how I was saying last week that I can do this? I can be an Asian Studies major? I can be fluent in Japanese? Well, this week just helped confirm it. This week was the week of I-fair, and I, along with other members of the Japanese club made over 500 onigiri, which are rice balls, and okonomiyaki. I served the okonomiyaki at I-fair and it was a huge hit. After that, I helped out with the booth, then went and danced the Soran Para Para mash-up. The crowd cheered really loudly when Jade and I went up there to do the Para Para part of the song. It was so exciting! The Soran was the traditional part of our dance, and the Para Para was the cutsie, modern day style of dance that you commonly see in Japanese videos etc. Ah...that was fun.

It was hectic, but fun.

This just reaffirmed my belief that I must be doing something right if I'm enjoying myself so much.

Also, this week I was sick too. It was this really bad burning pain in my stomach, and when I moved I threw up. Not from nausea or anything, I just threw up from movement and from the pain. It was weird, but it went away after a day or two, so I'm back up and running.

Speaking of running, I did some running around on Sunday. I not only bought the guinea pigs new chewable tunnels and threw out their old cardboard box, but I also bought two goldfish. I know, I couldn't help it. Their names are Constantine and Mabel. So far they're still alive.

Ah...well.

It's a beautiful day outside, guys.

Or at least it was. I think it's dark now.

Either way, I'm washing laundry and I plan to go home this weekend.

This will be the last blog post while I'm 18, guys! How did I get so old? Siiigh.

Well. I'm going to go eat all of Jade's chocolate.

Have a great week.

My face is sweating profusely. Why? Because I'm eating skittles. Why would that happen? I'm not sure but I'm scared.

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I'm not sure what to put here, because I'm not sure what I'm going to say yet. Ready? Here we go.

Maybe I should talk about Japanese, or 日本語, this week. I feel like I'm getting better and better at reading it, and it makes me so excited. I'm still not sure what really inspired my interest in the language, and that terrifies me. Yeah, I guess this week WILL be about Japanese.

Let's start with this:

A screenshot from the anime Gakuen Heaven.

I was very excited this week, because you see the last kanji (character in Japanese/Chinese) in that sign? That is called "mae" or まえ and what it means is "in front of" or "before". It is also in the kanji 名前. Which is "namae" or name. Mae is actually a really easy kanji for me, because it doesn't have multiple meanings or sounds like...日, which can sound like hi, bi, pi, nichi, etc, and not only fits in the word for Japanese, but also for Sunday. But anyway! What I want to say is that I RECOGNIZED it, in a natural setting, like on a bus or something, but of course, it was in an anime.

Which leads me to discuss anime... I feel bad saying that I first became interested in Japanese because of anime, I mean, I guess that's true in a way, but I don't just want to learn Japanese because of anime, I mean, it would be cool to be able to understand anything, but I'm learning the language because I fell in love with it, and that scares me. Why does it scare me? Well, I have many fanciful interests that distract me for awhile, then I get bored of them. However, I've been interested in Japanese for so long, and I just genuinely love it...

But I mean, it doesn't help when a friend of yours calls your interest a "phase". It's like this person doesn't have faith in me to follow through with my plans. However, I won't say anything about their major. (Bleh.)

There's lots of uses for Japanese in the industry nowadays. Asian Studies isn't a bad major to have, really, it isn't. But it's not like I'm really looking for a job sort of thing...I'm pursuing the language because I love it, and is that so wrong? I'm very proud of myself and the way I'm learning this language. I can write in it, I can read it, I can speak it. I want to study there. I will show you all that I can do this, and that I have the ability to follow through with this passion, with this genuine love.

I never liked French, or フランス (in Japanese), because of the way it sounded. Now, with Japanese, it's beautiful, it's flowing, it's gorgeous. (Even though I'm not overly fond of the way Chinese sounds, I almost...kind of...want to learn it too...)

I mean, for one friend, I know that even though they joke, I'm supported, but this other one... I just don't know. I'm learning this, and I'm doing well. Hell, I'm in Knox College, and I got an A in Japanese for the first semester. I can do this. I can do this. I will show you I can.

And then I'll study abroad in Japan when I am a 三年生. Or third year student. I plan to get into "Japan Term" next year, so I will be taking mostly Japanese courses in culture, language, etc. Then I visit for two weeks during a break. After that, I will apply to Waseda University in Toyko and hopefully I will be accepted. If I am accepted, I will live with a Japanese family for the entire year, and during the Winter Break, I plan to teach school children English as part of the study abroad program.

This is what I want.

It's weird, outlandish, and foolishly misguided to some people, but it's what I want.

I will do this for myself.

Because I can.

No more holding back.

Also, on a side note, I volunteered to dance for I-fair, which is the International Fair, so four of us, including me, from the Japanese Club are dancing a traditional dance, which cuts into the Para Para dance. I've never danced a Japanese dance before, and yes, while tricky, it's super fun. I was really worried at first that I wouldn't be able to do it, but I'm hanging in there...barely.

Speaking of Japanese Club...the president and what I would like to think of as the unofficial co-president are Jade and my fellow dancers. I feel like Jade and I participating is enough to show everyone that we would make good presidents after Kira and Gillian graduate this year. We are both very involved, and man, I really want to be president. Also, I am so super jealous of Gillian, she not only knows Japanese and studied abroad in Japan, but she also knows Chinese and Korean! So not fair. This is leading me to consider trying out Chinese sometime...

But anyway!

I will do this, guys.

And if not, you all have permission to laugh at me.

Have a great week.

Two things. There's a lady in Russia who paints with her boobs. And you got ahead of me again. Bitch.

Hey, everyone. Guess what? This weekend has gone by so fast. Ready? Here we go.

This week was too long for me. It was stressful and mind-numbing, and I really hope this next one goes by better.

I feel like I should rant to you about why I was so angry this week.

Okay, so I had sculpted this wing out of cardboard for class, and it looked pretty good. I mean, I was excited about it, and pleased with the way it turned out. However, when it came time to be critiqued, it was just... hmmm. So the professor had us bring up our projects to this main table, so we all laid them out. Mine was noticeably different from everyone else's.

He spent about 40 minutes on the first project, because hey, that's his favorite student, then about twenty of the rest. When he came to mine, he sort of paused and then asked, "What's the main difference between this one and the rest?" The class dutifully responded that it was "flat". Okay, so, you didn't have to put it like that, and no, it was not flat. It simply wasn't spherical like...everyone...else's. So what if I didn't do what EVERYONE ELSE did? HMM.

At least the professor complimented me for changing the cardboard the most...but, guys, like...I worked several hours on that, like...over six. And you know, I mean, I could have done paper mache around balloon, but hell, I wanted to try something different and go outside the box... But if you can tell what a sculpture is, I guess it's NO GOOD. I'm terrified to see my grade on my project.

I don't want to go into a super long rant about how some of the projects were just crumpled cardboard glued together, but whatever.

The moral of this story: Don't actually try to sculpt anything that has any personal meaning to you. In fact, sculpt a random shape. Those tend to go over better. (Bitter.)

My next project? We have to sculpt a shape out of a material he gave to us. I was given a gutter guard. I'm making a sphere.

...I find it amusing.

Makes me feel better.

Anyway, Dorian came to visit this weekend, and that was fun, though I think the poor thing was bored out of her skull.

Yup.

Well, that's about it.

Here's hoping to a better week.

Have a great week.