Dancing on the Dock

Damn it, I took an ice cream sandwich from the right box but it was the wrong flavor. #ohgodhowwilligoon

2012-02-12T14:54:00.001-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I'm going to type this to you before I study for my two tests tomorrow. Ready? Here we go.

This past week I was really worried that I wasn't necessarily good at anything anymore. This was mostly brought on by sculpture since I have a B+ in the class. Not anymore, apparently everyone I've talked to in the class has a B or a B-. Currently, I'm the only one I know with the B+. Of course, I haven't asked everyone, but the general consensus was that. Not to mention that my professor (finally) likes one of my sculptures! We're doing this project where we have to replicate an object as step one. Step two is faceting the object, and step three is cutting it apart and putting it back together again in different ways. I did that, and I actually enjoyed it. I think it's because I'm working with clay. Clay is so much more fun than cardboard, guys, and it's more willing to move for your fingers.

As I pieced together what had been my replica of a bone, my mind started to see a landscape. It almost resembled Ireland in a way, and I think my Gaelic piece really came out at that point as I started to see cliffs and caves.

Then my professor came over and confirmed what I was thinking, that it was beautiful and looked like a certain painter's landscape. Then he said, if you thought about what it had been, it took on a grotesque image of a joint or bone gone wrong, like not fully developed. He found it fascinating how close it was to both subjects, that it was both beautiful and grotesque. I was extremely pleased with this sentiment.

Okay, you can't tell, but I just left the bathroom because I was helping Jade dye her hair, because she's never dyed it before. She came into the room while I was typing this and asked how she had done, and there were huge patches of brown showing through, so I got up to help.

So, finally, guys. I have a sculpture my professor likes.

みんなさんが大好きです！です！

I just said I love everyone. Congrats. You're part of that.

Anyway, that's my transition over to the Asian Studies part of my education. I was pleased because I scored a 98 out of 100 on my Chinese Civ test. I'm also strongly considering taking Chinese. I think I can do it, and I'm very, very interested. However, I don't want to overload myself when I'm planning on studying abroad in Japan. I feel like I should concentrate on all things Japanese before I go my Junior year.

Oh! Also, next semester's schedule is Intro to Japanese and Korean Civ, Mathematical Ideas, and Japanese 3. I won't have to get up till nine everyday, and I'll have Tuesday completely free. I've started to like Sculpture more, but at the same time, it's really stressful considering how much time I put into it.

I have a feeling that next semester will be stressful simply because of math. However, if I get math, I don't mind doing it... I think it'll be better than the computer math I took first semester, because this will be more like high school math. You know? Like, classroom, teacher, learning. Not just you and a computer. I can't learn on a computer. Computer is my fuuun space.

What else did I want to say...

Oh! About my sculpture project! Apparently there's some sort of art show and he thinks that if our sculptures keep going like this, (he likes quite a few of them, and so do I... this clay project has been good for everyone), then he'll be entering them in the show and he thinks that several of them could compete for first place in their category. The prizes are around $100 or more. I'm very excited, I want this to work. On Tuesday, we then begin to translate our project over into plaster. I've worked with plaster before, and I found that it was pretty soothing, like clay. I want to do this right, guys. I want to do this right.

But anyway. I've had a really busy weekend. I went to a dance with Jade for our suite, and then fled after 20 minutes because of the awkwardness, then I went to watch "Death Trance" with Kira, Jade, and Gilli. The ending sucks. Everyone was laughing because of my reaction to it, but other than that, it was enjoyable. I'm so glad I have friends in the Japanese Club. Really, the club is awesome! The next day I went to a community all-you-can-eat chocolate event with the Japanese club. Then we wandered around town before coming back for a cultural tea. We just sat and talked, and Gilli told us all about Japan. I am so much more excited. I mean, I was excited before, but now I'm crazy enthusiastic-two-years-cannot-pass-soon-enough.

Also, because I can... チョコレートが大好きです！ I felt like I should say I love chocolate because of the chocolate event. Mm, speaking of which, I heard that it's supposed to snow tomorrow. 'Bout time we had some real winter around here.

Oh! I suggest that you guys check out the sculptor Andy Goldsworthy. I'm doing a presentation on him for Sculpture and I really love his work. He's a nature sculptor and it's really cooooool.

Well...

Have a great week!

Currently making guesses at the lifespan of your new pets.

2012-02-05T20:19:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I'm 19 now. Ready? Here we go.

I just finished clipping my guinea pig's nails for the first time, and I'm feeling pretty accomplished. It was a bit of a struggle with the front nails, but the back nails went perfectly fine.

Anyway.

This week...hm...it was a long week, and I have some things I would like to discuss. Like...the B+ I'm getting in Sculpture. I don't care if it's a college class, I've never gotten a B in an art class. And it's not because I'm not putting effort into it! I spend over ten hours on each project, and yet this... AGH. It's because I don't like abstract! I'm even trying to do it, but grrr. In the end, I'm just not going to care, but...I AM trying! WHATEVER. This is the problem with art classes that are too focused and too strict in one style. They just completely squeeze the life out of you. Unlike last year's 3D art, this is too specific within the project's boundaries, also, the professor...is just BIASED. Agh! I like my professor though...I just hate abstract! Sorry... I'm really frustrated by this because I feel like I can't show anyone my skills. It's like, hey, I can do art, why won't you let me?

This weekend was fun, even though on Saturday, which was my birthday, I was so exhausted I burst into tears near the end. I got up early that morning then went to see Dorian's improv in Cedar Rapids, which is around two hours away. Her improv was at ten, so therefore, I had to get up really early. I was sick the entire day too, but it was fun... I went out to eat with my parents and Jade, then we went around different stores. Jade bought Tsuki, or 月。Which means "moon" in Japanese. It can also be pronounced as "gatsu" but that's an entirely different meaning. Tsuki is a hamster, and she's just so cute! Jade nearly bought a hamster different from Tsuki, but then this hamster began having babies right at that moment... Yeah.

After that, we drove home and I had supper with my family and received presents from Dani and Shelbie. (Jade had already given me hers.) Then we went bowling. At that point, I was so mentally drained I needed to come home and sleep.

Man, I am not typing well today. I guess I'm just so scatterbrained after this weekend.

I want to emphasize that I had fun, despite the few exhausted tears and the sickness.

My parents really went out of their way to make sure it was a fun day, and I really appreciated it! The topper of the day was when I was laying in bed that night and Beanie jumped up on my bed and fell asleep. Usually he's in the laundry room at night. But he hadn't been put in there that night, and he chose to sleep with me, and I always miss him while I'm away. While I laid there in bed, I just stared out at my room with a quiet smile and mentally thanked everyone and everything. There was complete peace. Thank you, universe, for that quiet moment with Beanie. That simple act of love... Sigh. I love my family and all my wonderful friends. I'm so thankful for them. Even though I was sick, they managed to bring a smile to my face, albeit a tired one.

So I guess that's what I'm trying to say, through all this babble. Thank you, guys. Thank you. I'm nineteen now. Once again, I'm an age that seems impossible. Last year I could scarcely believe I was 18, and now I'm 19. Where does the time go? Next year I will be twenty. It's impossible. It's crazy. I can't believe it, but I'm glad for it. I'm living, I'm doing well, I know what I want to do, even if it's just a vague idea or inspiration. I have a chance to do whatever I dream, and I have so many opportunities to complete. Getting older...hm. Maturing? Never. I'll keep going because I can and because I will.

This is the precipice of my life, guys. I'm at so many crossroads right now that it makes me dizzy. I have the opportunity to do something big, or I can choose simplicity. In the end, it's up to me. I'm just glad I have everyone in my life.

...With that said, I have a huge Japanese test tomorrow.

Thank you all for sticking with me, and if you aren't planning to do so anymore, I wish you the best of luck and many more birthdays! Be happy for a birthday. It's your special day. Doesn't matter if someone else shares it. It's still yours.

Have a great week.

I think my ravioli was rotten somehow, but I ate it anyway. Bad decision.

2012-01-30T15:41:00.001-08:00

Hey, everyone. Sorry about not posting yesterday. This weekend was really busy with I-fair and just...hm. Ready? Here we go!

You know how I was saying last week that I can do this? I can be an Asian Studies major? I can be fluent in Japanese? Well, this week just helped confirm it. This week was the week of I-fair, and I, along with other members of the Japanese club made over 500 onigiri, which are rice balls, and okonomiyaki. I served the okonomiyaki at I-fair and it was a huge hit. After that, I helped out with the booth, then went and danced the Soran Para Para mash-up. The crowd cheered really loudly when Jade and I went up there to do the Para Para part of the song. It was so exciting! The Soran was the traditional part of our dance, and the Para Para was the cutsie, modern day style of dance that you commonly see in Japanese videos etc. Ah...that was fun.

It was hectic, but fun.

This just reaffirmed my belief that I must be doing something right if I'm enjoying myself so much.

Also, this week I was sick too. It was this really bad burning pain in my stomach, and when I moved I threw up. Not from nausea or anything, I just threw up from movement and from the pain. It was weird, but it went away after a day or two, so I'm back up and running.

Speaking of running, I did some running around on Sunday. I not only bought the guinea pigs new chewable tunnels and threw out their old cardboard box, but I also bought two goldfish. I know, I couldn't help it. Their names are Constantine and Mabel. So far they're still alive.

Ah...well.

It's a beautiful day outside, guys.

Or at least it was. I think it's dark now.

Either way, I'm washing laundry and I plan to go home this weekend.

This will be the last blog post while I'm 18, guys! How did I get so old? Siiigh.

Well. I'm going to go eat all of Jade's chocolate.

Have a great week.

My face is sweating profusely. Why? Because I'm eating skittles. Why would that happen? I'm not sure but I'm scared.

2012-01-22T17:44:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I'm not sure what to put here, because I'm not sure what I'm going to say yet. Ready? Here we go.

Maybe I should talk about Japanese, or 日本語, this week. I feel like I'm getting better and better at reading it, and it makes me so excited. I'm still not sure what really inspired my interest in the language, and that terrifies me. Yeah, I guess this week WILL be about Japanese.

Let's start with this:

A screenshot from the anime Gakuen Heaven.

I was very excited this week, because you see the last kanji (character in Japanese/Chinese) in that sign? That is called "mae" or まえ and what it means is "in front of" or "before". It is also in the kanji 名前. Which is "namae" or name. Mae is actually a really easy kanji for me, because it doesn't have multiple meanings or sounds like...日, which can sound like hi, bi, pi, nichi, etc, and not only fits in the word for Japanese, but also for Sunday. But anyway! What I want to say is that I RECOGNIZED it, in a natural setting, like on a bus or something, but of course, it was in an anime.

Which leads me to discuss anime... I feel bad saying that I first became interested in Japanese because of anime, I mean, I guess that's true in a way, but I don't just want to learn Japanese because of anime, I mean, it would be cool to be able to understand anything, but I'm learning the language because I fell in love with it, and that scares me. Why does it scare me? Well, I have many fanciful interests that distract me for awhile, then I get bored of them. However, I've been interested in Japanese for so long, and I just genuinely love it...

But I mean, it doesn't help when a friend of yours calls your interest a "phase". It's like this person doesn't have faith in me to follow through with my plans. However, I won't say anything about their major. (Bleh.)

There's lots of uses for Japanese in the industry nowadays. Asian Studies isn't a bad major to have, really, it isn't. But it's not like I'm really looking for a job sort of thing...I'm pursuing the language because I love it, and is that so wrong? I'm very proud of myself and the way I'm learning this language. I can write in it, I can read it, I can speak it. I want to study there. I will show you all that I can do this, and that I have the ability to follow through with this passion, with this genuine love.

I never liked French, or フランス (in Japanese), because of the way it sounded. Now, with Japanese, it's beautiful, it's flowing, it's gorgeous. (Even though I'm not overly fond of the way Chinese sounds, I almost...kind of...want to learn it too...)

I mean, for one friend, I know that even though they joke, I'm supported, but this other one... I just don't know. I'm learning this, and I'm doing well. Hell, I'm in Knox College, and I got an A in Japanese for the first semester. I can do this. I can do this. I will show you I can.

And then I'll study abroad in Japan when I am a 三年生. Or third year student. I plan to get into "Japan Term" next year, so I will be taking mostly Japanese courses in culture, language, etc. Then I visit for two weeks during a break. After that, I will apply to Waseda University in Toyko and hopefully I will be accepted. If I am accepted, I will live with a Japanese family for the entire year, and during the Winter Break, I plan to teach school children English as part of the study abroad program.

This is what I want.

It's weird, outlandish, and foolishly misguided to some people, but it's what I want.

I will do this for myself.

Because I can.

No more holding back.

Also, on a side note, I volunteered to dance for I-fair, which is the International Fair, so four of us, including me, from the Japanese Club are dancing a traditional dance, which cuts into the Para Para dance. I've never danced a Japanese dance before, and yes, while tricky, it's super fun. I was really worried at first that I wouldn't be able to do it, but I'm hanging in there...barely.

Speaking of Japanese Club...the president and what I would like to think of as the unofficial co-president are Jade and my fellow dancers. I feel like Jade and I participating is enough to show everyone that we would make good presidents after Kira and Gillian graduate this year. We are both very involved, and man, I really want to be president. Also, I am so super jealous of Gillian, she not only knows Japanese and studied abroad in Japan, but she also knows Chinese and Korean! So not fair. This is leading me to consider trying out Chinese sometime...

But anyway!

I will do this, guys.

And if not, you all have permission to laugh at me.

Have a great week.

Two things. There's a lady in Russia who paints with her boobs. And you got ahead of me again. Bitch.

2012-01-15T17:55:00.001-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? This weekend has gone by so fast. Ready? Here we go.

This week was too long for me. It was stressful and mind-numbing, and I really hope this next one goes by better.

I feel like I should rant to you about why I was so angry this week.

Okay, so I had sculpted this wing out of cardboard for class, and it looked pretty good. I mean, I was excited about it, and pleased with the way it turned out. However, when it came time to be critiqued, it was just... hmmm. So the professor had us bring up our projects to this main table, so we all laid them out. Mine was noticeably different from everyone else's.

He spent about 40 minutes on the first project, because hey, that's his favorite student, then about twenty of the rest. When he came to mine, he sort of paused and then asked, "What's the main difference between this one and the rest?" The class dutifully responded that it was "flat". Okay, so, you didn't have to put it like that, and no, it was not flat. It simply wasn't spherical like...everyone...else's. So what if I didn't do what EVERYONE ELSE did? HMM.

At least the professor complimented me for changing the cardboard the most...but, guys, like...I worked several hours on that, like...over six. And you know, I mean, I could have done paper mache around balloon, but hell, I wanted to try something different and go outside the box... But if you can tell what a sculpture is, I guess it's NO GOOD. I'm terrified to see my grade on my project.

I don't want to go into a super long rant about how some of the projects were just crumpled cardboard glued together, but whatever.

The moral of this story: Don't actually try to sculpt anything that has any personal meaning to you. In fact, sculpt a random shape. Those tend to go over better. (Bitter.)

My next project? We have to sculpt a shape out of a material he gave to us. I was given a gutter guard. I'm making a sphere.

...I find it amusing.

Makes me feel better.

Anyway, Dorian came to visit this weekend, and that was fun, though I think the poor thing was bored out of her skull.

Yup.

Well, that's about it.

Here's hoping to a better week.

Have a great week.

I don't know how many spider egg sacs I've had to scrape off of this piece, but oh dear lord it's about twenty too many for me to handle.

2012-01-08T20:26:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I'm back at Knox. Ready? Here we go.

So, I was reading back through a couple of my blogposts today and I was especially focused on my "Ultimate Terror" posts, when I first got to college. I found it extremely funny that within the first couple of weeks I wanted a "dorm hamster". I had completely forgotten that, but hey, look, I got a couple of guinea pigs! So it happened even if it had slipped from my memory.

Once again, when I came here, I was suddenly struck by how quiet it can be. I couldn't help but feel a bit lonesome when I spent here my first night back by myself, since Jade was still at home. However, I happened to glance down at my guinea pigs, and I felt this warmth in my chest to know that hey, I wasn't really alone. Those guinea pigs were a damn good investment. They provide me with so much love and so much amusement. I love being able to pick pieces of fluff off their face, and have them trust me enough to let me do that. And then I find poop right next to the litter box. Sigh.

Well, Jade is back, and it's been sooo much fun already! I really did miss this place and this room. It took me forever to move back in though! I am pretty high maintenance, so my car was loaded to the brim. I got here and really, there was barely anyone here, but I realized now that was because most people's classes didn't start till Wednesday, so they didn't HAVE to be here. I had Sculpture on Tuesday, so I needed to be back on Monday.

Speaking of Sculpture, and my new classes, I'm really enjoying them. I was super worried at first when I went to Sculpture because we just talked about abstract things and watched videos about abstract artists. Like, Richard Serra. I dunno about you, but I don't dig giant metal sculptures that are pretty much just shapes. They aren't my thing. So, basically, I felt like I would have to be on some sort of drug to pass this class and actively participate in discussion. (I really can't stand abstract.) But as it went on, I began to feel a bit better, like, hey, I would have a chance to show my skill. I don't know how to be skilled in abstract, in my opinion, most people can do it. However, I think it takes real skill to capture the more tangible side of life. In other words, blobs of paint and shapes aren't my thing.

Intro to Chinese Civ is fascinating, and other than daily readings, it doesn't look like it'll be too bad. I find myself becoming more and more immersed in the culture of neolithic China, and I love it.

Japanese was of course, amazing. I was at first reluctant to get back to classes, because I'm so used to being lazy, but hey, my first day back was great.

Oh yes, I want to wish you all あけましておめでとうございます！which means "Happy New Year" in Japanese. Apparently it's like...the biggest holiday over there. Did not know that till recently! Tomorrow we have our New Years party for Japanese class! We get to paint with traditional brushes and do kanji etc., also, Shaughnessy-sensei is going to have treats for us! So excited!

But anyway, I'm glad to be back at Knox. Winter Break was fun, but yeah... I feel like I'm better equipped now to handle life than I was back at the beginning of the school year. So many dramatic changes already! I can deal with Beanie's absence better, though I love him dearly, and I can deal with other things as they come along.

For now, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my Sunday evening.

Have a great week.

Why do people always sound so scared when I ask what size underwear they wear?

2012-01-01T16:10:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I go back to Knox tomorrow. Ready? Here we go.

So, yeah. Here I am, sulking in my room and getting packed. Oh, and I want to apologize for last week's blog post. It makes me cringe when I get angry and just rant like that. I mean, there weren't even citations for any of that. How can I be taken seriously? I was just mad. But anyway, I'm feeling better now. Well, about that at least, but about other things, not so much. Oh well, doesn't matter.

I've always wanted to pull off and see the American Gothic House, but meh, never really have. Until this week. We went to Eldon, Iowa to scope out where Dorian was babysitting the following day, and we decided to stop by.

Just one of the perks of Iowa. Grant Woods.

What else? I feel like this post is going to be a bit random, since my head is all over the place. Packing just does that to me, it casts my mind around in all sorts of different directions at once so I don't forget anything. However, it always seems to skip a certain area in favor for another. I really ought to start making lists, but then I find the lists several months later because I was too lazy to throw it away at the time.

Anyway, I dunno why my heart is so heavy. Wait, I do. I never like leaving anywhere once I get settled down. It was the same thing with Knox before my winter break. I was like, eh, I don't really want to leave...but then again, it was nice to be home. Really nice. So now I don't want to leave home again. I guess it's just the journey ahead of me. I mean, two hours isn't bad compared to some, but I still have to drag all of my junk inside. However, Carissa reassured me that she took all of her stuff to college too. (I'm worried that I'll seem too high maintenance, but hell, I don't want to live without my 1st world comforts.) I dunno why I care so much... You know what? Oh well. Lots of the stuff is guinea pig food and hay anyway, so why does it matter? Why do you care what they think? You're stocking up for the winter.

I have this mental image that I'm going to be fending for my life this winter. Like, I'll be sitting in a snow covered dorm room in a fur parka with a fire going in the middle of the floor. I'm sure that won't happen...wait, this is the "year of the apocalypse". 2012. Hah.

What do you guys think about 2012? Is it really apocalypse? Do you think they ran out of room? Or like this history thing I was watching about it, is it part of a new cycle? Either way, I'm not going to get overly worried. If the world ends, the world ends. I mean, you see all these shows and articles about people stocking up for the apocalypse, but let's be real, even if I stocked up on a bunch of food, I don't think I'm the sort of person to survive for very long. Yes, I liked to pretend as a child that I was a wilderness person and that I would live out in the woods and hunt rabbits to eat like in "My Side of the Mountain", by Jean Craighead George.

Woah, Jean Craighead George was born in 1919 and is still alive. (She was my favorite author along with Brian Jacques as a child.)

Anyway, also...I'm not sure if I would want to survive in an apocalypse? So much easier to be dead. And I'm really high maintenance, I would not do well without my comforts and my happiness. How would I even take care of my cats? Yeah. I just wouldn't be able to take the strain. I'd have to quit my medication and the internet and all the modern conveniences would be gone.

I know it's weak, but hey, it's true.

If the apocalypse happens, spoiled people like us wouldn't be able to make it. No, I believe that people in "third world countries" would be able to survive. You know, people that haven't switched over to "progress" and still cling to their traditional way of life. I'm trying to not say anything offensive, because I don't believe it's offensive to be isolated like that or choose a different lifestyle. I wonder how the Amish would do... I mean, they're hardworkers etc.

You know what? I'm getting off of that subject before I screw anything else up.

Um.

I set up my turtle filter.

Yeah...

I'm going to quietly chew away at my pizza and try to cheer myself up.

Have a great week.

@Anti2Ben No problem. I've got you, and your guinea pig's back. #GuineaPigGuardian

2011-12-26T18:22:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I forgot to blog yesterday. Ready? Here we go.

First of all, I want to wish you all "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Hanukkah" or whatever you may celebrate. I refuse to say "Happy Holidays" because vague politically correct holiday greetings sound stunted and forced to me. If I wish you Merry Christmas, you know that I wish it to you with sincerity. I also wouldn't mind if someone wished me "Happy Hanukkah" or something like that, because hey, you said something nice to me.

This whole "fight" over the correct term of holiday greetings is ridiculous. So ridiculous... Why can't we say what we want to say? I'm not going to tell you Happy Holidays. I'm going to keep wishing you Merry Christmas.

Especially if what you're doing is CELEBRATING Christmas. It isn't just "UNWRAP GIFTS DAY". It has a certain name. If you unwrap gifts on the 25th, hey, it's Christmas. Even if you do it Christmas Eve. Hey, it's Christmas.

Sorry, guys. I've been having issues with a certain person as of late when it comes to my religion. Suddenly, they seem to think it's funny to make a crapton of jokes about my religion when they used to claim they were Christian too. They just seem very bitter towards it all the sudden, and I don't get it. It's like, hey, lay off the offensive jokes for at least one day.

Also...

World Hunger has NOTHING to do with putting the "Christ" back in Christmas.

Especially since you have never made a donation to world hunger before.

I don't like it when people use one issue within another. Like, when this girl was all, people are killed in Iraq everyday, and no one cares, but if you abort one baby they blah blah blah.

It's like, what do those two things have to do with another? One is a war, one is a preventable death...? It's like...what? So please, if you're trying to raise awareness for an issue, don't drag another one in to try and boost it. It doesn't work.

Also...about the "Christ" back in Christmas? Dude. It's a Christian holiday. It's going to have Christ in it.

And...about the whole CHRISTMAS IS A PAGAN HOLIDAY. No...no..., it's not. Christmas is Christian. It may fall around the same time as a Pagan holiday...when it was created. (Some Roman Pagan God.) But Christmas was celebrated as early as 169 AD, according to different scholars. It's a theory that Christians placed it on that date, but it's not necessarily right. I mean, in 169 AD, I think Christians were still being persecuted, right? Also, another theory is that it's 9 months after Annunciation.

But really, if Jesus was born in the Spring, he was born in the Spring, but honestly... Wow. Don't just look at me and say, "Actually, Jesus was born in the springtime." There aren't any solid facts to truly back it up.

(Also, about the flocks...and the shepherds? They would be away from civilization for months at a time. They wouldn't just abandon their flocks because it was cold.)

Also, shepherds were not sent by King Herrod to assassinate the baby Jesus.

Seriously.

Sigh.

...Can you just imagine the shepherds whipping out some knives? Ha. But no, really, I was told that and I was speechless and burst out laughing. I could barely breathe. Then they claimed it was a joke, but I really don't believe that.

You guys may not be Christians, but hold on a bit, I just want to tell you that in the Bible an angel appeared to the shepherds while they were tending their flocks and they were afraid, but the angel was all, GOOD NEWS and stuff, so then they went to the baby Jesus and came away amazed and praising God.

Yeah, if they were assassins, then they really sucked.

Also, King Herrod was a crazy dude. He killed his children and some of his wives because he thought they were plotting against him.

But no.

Shepherds are not assassins.

Anyway...where was I going with this...? Oh, yeah, Happy Holidays. Whatever. Anyway, I hope you all had a great UNWRAPPING GIFTS DAY. I know I did.

My grandmother and brothers are here, so yeah. Been a good time.

I go back to Knox in a week.

Have a great week.

I'm staying awake because I am afraid of being killed by a moose now.

2011-12-18T18:50:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I spent the entire afternoon wrapping presents. Well, I also bought a couple too, but that's beside the point. Ready? Here we go.

This week we got a box in the mail from my sister Carissa. She sent us Dorian's birthday gift along with all of our Christmas presents. Trouble is, the box was empty. Yes, someone, as in a mail carrier, got into our box and stole our Christmas presents. Can you believe that? I mean, we're supposed to be able to trust these people. The box had a sticker on it that read "box arrived in Fairfield without contents" or something like that. I mean, what sort of bastard steals presents? I dunno, but I can't stand some of the stuff that goes on in the world. Stealing always hits me hard, (ever since my baby iPod was stolen several years ago). We make out thieves to be romantic and everything, but in reality, they're bastards. They really are.

So yeah, I'm pretty pissed at our mail service currently, or at least whoever broke our trust and stole our presents. I don't care if they have some sort of family to feed. Those were ours, and you have a duty to the citizens you serve.

Asshole.

Anyway.

Also, I want you all to know that I don't like still lifes. I don't see the point of them. You arrange some items, and then draw them. Where is the entertainment in that? I mean, there's nothing TO that. I could easily take a picture and be done with it. No, I think it takes real talent to be able to fish out something original from your brains than draw some bowl of fruit or arranged bottles. If you wanna be competitive in the art field, then don't draw something that'll end up in a veterinarian or dental office. Or...ew, hotel rooms.

What else...

Iowa.

I love Iowa.

Why do people feel the need to insult Iowa?

They truly know nothing about it.

I can't even BEGIN to express my love for my state.

You know, if you're going to pick on a state, pick on a state that doesn't have a lot of pride in itself. I mean, at Knox, I don't hear anyone being all, "Yeah! Illinois!" but in Iowa, Iowan natives really love it. Sure, there are probably a few that don't meet that standard, but the majority of us really love Iowa. Look at the Iowa Native bumper stickers. Does YOUR state have an awesome bumper sticker? (Kidding, guys. You don't have to prove your love by a bumper sticker.) (I also want one so bad.)

Anyway, just some things I love about Iowa...

I love the way the seasons change, and how you can tell what season it actually is.

I love the sunsets here.

I love how the stars aren't blotted out at night.

I love how you can drive for miles and only see a few farmsteads. (Until you get to the cities, of course. I should probably be more specific: What I love about RURAL Iowa.)

I don't like being surrounded with people, so I love the stark, brilliant winter landscape in Iowa. I know people may say it's drab, but it's so lonely, and yet so perfect and pristine at the same time.

I love the wildlife in Iowa.

I love the feeling of community here.

I love the fields of fireflies in the summer.

I dunno, I just love feeling like one with where I came from. I know that part of me is from overseas in Europe, but another part of me is from Iowa. Even though I do have European ancestors, like the majority of us, my family has lived in this region for ages.

If you guys want to know what spurred this, I think you should read what some Bloom fellow wrote. He's a professor from the University of Iowa, and he wrote a very stereotyped, and very bitter article about Iowa. What I love most are the comments at the bottom of Iowans expressing their love for their state.

I also love the tumblr that was made to retaliate this unnecessary attack: http://betshehuntswell.tumblr.com/

My state is awesome.

It may not be overcrowded, and it may not be on a coast, but hell, my state is loved and it is great. We value strong family traditions here, and I'm going to take those beliefs with me for the rest of my life.

I don't care if we have a tractor day at school, I love this place.

Have a great week.

I'm not voting for Obama. Poor guy hates his job. I'll be doing him a favor.

2011-12-11T19:59:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? We finally put up the Christmas tree today. Ready? Here we go.

I just wanted to say two more things in addition to last week's post, then I will be done with the topic, I promise.

Hunters also donate meat to prisons and food pantries. They also support local businesses like meat lockers. (My cousin owns one. We bring our deer to him.) Anyway. That's enough of that.

But yeah, we put up the Christmas tree today. I like that our Christmas tree doesn't have a set theme. Sure, it has a lot of snowmen, but it also has ornaments that we've made, collected, and found over the years. There are quite a few memories that go along with. Good times...

Also, I went to Iowa City mall this week and I was sitting in the food court when I happened to look up and notice "Sarku Japan". You know, it's that food...stall thing by the Panda Express food stall thing. And then I realized for the first time...that Sarku isn't Japanese.

Now, I wouldn't have known this until I took Japanese, because hey, I didn't know hiragana until then. There's no way you can write Sarku in Japanese. There are no hard 'r's. At all. For each symbol, it's like..."ru" or "ba", except for the vowels, which are a, i, e, o, u. There isn't just an 'r'. Therefore, it's impossible to spell, and furthermore, it would be extremely difficult for any Japanese person to pronounce it.

It doesn't mean anything in Japanese, and you can't spell it in Japanese. Needless to say, I was extremely disappointed. I mean, if you're going to have a fastfood chain, at least make it somewhat plausible.

Also, if you're going to get an Asian tattoo, also make sure it's correct. Someone from my school got the kanji for "love" tattooed on them, and I don't know if it's a really artistic version of the kanji or if it's just wrong. Instead of the correct slash marks, it's just a bar, and really... the spacing is terrible. It's all spread out. I mean, I would have a hard time reading it. I think that unless you know an Asian language or are an Asian, you should probably leave the kanji off your body. Just an opinion though.

Another thing that happened this week, I made huuuuuge progress on Dragons of Atlantis. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about, but it's this game on facebook, and it's fuuun. You pretty much just build an empire. But yeah...so I'll be busy with that for awhile, because I just got my first outpost. I've been playing it for months, by the way.

Hmm. I wanted to point out that I'm very aloof, guys. Sometimes, this trait of being an introvert pleases me, and other times, it worries me. Whenever I get overly close to someone or something, I have to push them away. If they start clinging to me, I can't handle it. This worries me a lot, because I'm afraid, yeah, I know it's too early to be worrying about this sort of thing, and that this shouldn't rule my life, but I'm afraid that I'm going to be alone forever. Like, not really alone, but I don't think I could handle marriage, because I would constantly want space and lots of it. But, agh, I don't think I should talk about this right now, because it's ridiculous.

I've read quite a few books this week. It's been rather nice. I read Inheritance, Troubled Waters, The Gray Wolf Throne, and I'm currently on Clockwork Prince.

Anyway. You should...you should all watch this.

Have a great week.

Everything I need to know about parenting I learned from possum ownership.

2011-12-04T21:30:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I had quite the day today. This post is about hunting. Be prepared. Ready? Here we go.

Yesterday morning I sat in the rain for three hours before I went back inside. In the process, I scared up two deer and aimed my gun at a doe. I fired and watched her as she slipped down her slope only to get back up again and keep going, perfectly fine. Turns out she only slipped because the slope was muddy. I guess at that distance I didn't have a chance, but it was still frustrating.

The next day I slept in. Then I decided to go out at around nine or ten. I sat and enjoyed the dryness of the day and was slapped around by the cold wind. I missed my chance at a buck because my glove was too bulky and I couldn't pull the trigger. I abandoned my gloves after that and spent the next hour waiting and asking for another chance. Every so often, I would hear gunshots in the distance and still, I kept asking, another chance, another chance, another chance. Please, give me another chance, I won't mess it up. I can do this. I can do this. I won't miss the next deer, not like the buck I was unprepared for. I thought that I had missed my chance at a buck completely.

You see, as a kid, I wasn't a frilly girl. I liked to look at formerly alive stuffed animals, like deer, etc. I wanted to go hunting, I wanted to live in the forest, I wanted to fend for myself. Yeah, I read too many fantasy books and had a wild imagination. When my dad and my uncle shot a snake, I wanted its head on my wall. I'm serious. I asked them for it. But of course, that was out of the question. I would fantasize about the day I would be able to go hunting with my brothers and my dad and shoot a deer. I thought that it would be a buck.

As the years passed, and I always had to go in early for a 4-H meeting or Chocolate Sunday, I kept missing chances to go hunting. So I always felt bad when Kyle and Dad filled my deer tag for me. I was crushed that I wasn't as good, that I couldn't get a deer, that I was always so impatient, and too hasty, and that I was never able to be out there for very long.

Mind you, I have sat through an ice storm, I have sat in the rain, I have sat in all sorts of weather conditions. Sometimes the deer are being driven by another group of hunters, sometimes they're bedded down because of the bad weather, so you have to trudge the countryside to find them. Hunting isn't for pansies and it isn't for the weak.

I wanted to be able to fulfill my dream of getting a deer. I wanted to be just as good as Kyle and Dad. I wanted to prove that getting me a hunting license was worth it.

Then I straightened up because I had seen movement in the corner of my eye. There he was, grazing along the ridge. Slowly, I stood up, and aimed carefully, drawing on years of archery and gun practice. On softball. On whatever I've ever done that required precision. My finger found the trigger, and I pulled back, gritting my teeth as the gun sounded through my ear plugs and kicked back against my body. I watched as he fell, and rolled down the hill, out of my sight. I knew that I had gotten him, but my chest was still tight, what if I was wrong?

I passed through the brambles, through the long grass, with my gun shouldered carefully. I found him laying against a tree. My bullet had passed through his neck. I stared in shock. My hands fumbled for my cellphone as I called my mother, who then went and found my dad.

During this time, I watched as another beautiful buck ran past me, not more than fifteen feet away. I didn't bother to shoot him. I let him go. Because I didn't feel the need to shoot another one. No, this was my small triumph, and I would let that buck go, because I had mine. No need to be greedy. It may have been a waste, but I was fine. I was, okay. With everything. I had gotten my first deer. He was a buck. It was a clean shot. I had fulfilled a childhood dream.

I had gotten my second chance.

People don't really get this sort of thing. I mean, I'm a country kid. I come from small town Iowa. People don't realize that if we didn't go out and hunt, there would just be more deer on the side of the road. I'm saying this because someone tried to ruin my happiness for me by posting that they hated America and hated hunting because it was "disgusting" to kill an animal and that it wasn't intellectual etc.

First off. America isn't the only place people hunt. So don't blame America.

Second off: Do not tell me to show humanity. I killed a deer. Yes, I killed a deer. People have been doing that since the beginning of time. We would be pretty dead if we hadn't. Is it disgusting? I do not think the act itself is disgusting. It's part of nature. Animals die. We die. Circle of life. Etc.

Third: Intellectual? Hypocrite. You spend your time on sex, drugs, and booze, and you're telling me to spend my time on intellectual things? Hunting takes a great deal of mental and physical effort. It takes stamina and patience. Also, I taught myself how to bind books for pete's sake! I do intellectual stuff till my brains ooze out my ears. Every so often I like to get in touch with my roots, head out to nature and do stuff!

You know what would have been wrong for me to do? It would have been wrong to gut the deer and then post that on facebook. It would be wrong to strap it to my car and drive around with it. Do I do that sort of thing? No. You will have your good and your bad people around. But this person simply attacked the sport of hunting because they do not care for me, and frankly, I do not care for them.

You're the sort of person to constantly put another down. Don't shove your ideals down my throat. People have hunted since the beginning of time, and they hunt worldwide. You cannot make me feel ashamed for hunting, because I am proud of myself and I am proud of my family tradition, and I am PROUD of where I came from! If not that deer, then someone's family in a ditch. If not that deer, then a kid driving home at night from an event.

Face it, people. Without hunters, deer would be even more over-populated than what they are now. I see herds of them everywhere. They're constantly in my backyard. You know what else? There's a dead one on the side of the road in front of my house. Don't go bleeding-heart on me when the evidence is all around you. Natural predators no longer exist. We are the predators.

Be thankful that we need a hunting season to kill deer. Because hunting deer used to be banned because they were so rare. Now they are a surplus. Also. We don't just leave the deer lying around on the side of the road. We EAT them. Yes, we EAT THE MEAT. I know that may be hard for you to understand since you're an off-and-on vegetarian, but we EAT THEM. We USE them. Not everyone wants to conform to your belief in vegetables!

Have some respect for hunters, please. I respect the choices of people when it comes to vegetarianism. I have nothing against it, but please, don't insult my belief as well. There is a much bigger picture you're not seeing.

I'm tough, guys. I've sat through ice and I've sat through rain. I've trekked the countryside in heavy gear. I shot a deer. I experience the utterly fascinating process of gutting it. (Dad says I should go into medicine. Just because I'm interested in anatomy doesn't mean I want to do it for a living.)

And I'm proud.

My aunt called my mom and was all, "Whoohoo!" to me. "Way to go, girl!" She once shot a deer and was featured in a prominent hunting magazine as a woman who hunts. My uncle told me congratulations. Kyle said he was proud of me. Ryan was pissed off, considering that he's never killed a deer and once fired into an entire herd and didn't even get one. Either way, guys, I did it. You may not agree with the process, but I'm stating my opinion on the matter. This person just irritated me today with passive aggressive comments. Honestly, grow some balls. We can debate it if you wish.

But guys, it's so nice to be back home.

Also, it was HILARIOUS to watch Tango while we were taking care of my deer. She was very fascinated with the whole process, and couldn't stop getting underfoot. So cute.

I was very thankful to Dani today, because she tweeted after I told her about all of this, and she acknowledged the effectiveness and usefulness of hunters where this person could see. Hunting is necessary. I know that some of you won't like this, but it really is.

Anyway, that's enough of that rant. I'm just, tired...of people being people. It's exhausting after awhile.

I've started painting at the studio again! This time, however, I'm painting furniture! It's really very exciting.

I've started to notice that my blog posts usually feature around one major topic of that week. Like, remember when I used to say: Tuesday...well, nothing really happened, but on Wednesday. I dunno, I just feel like I have to discuss things. But anyway! That's about it, that's the major thing on my mind right now.

The biggest opossum I've ever seen was on my porch tonight. He was huge and fluffy. Just another day in Iowa.

Have a great week.

MY BOSS IS AN EVIL DICTATOR AND IS ALSO MY MOM.

2011-11-27T20:22:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I just took off my glasses and I was about to crawl into bed, but I remembered! So here I am. Ready? Here we go.

I have this sinus thing going on... I don't think it's a full-fledged infection yet. Currently, it's just a horrible ache behind my eyeballs that likes to move into my nose at odd moments. When it does this, it like...how do I describe it? It's like sparklers or pin prickles, or something...

I apologize if I spell anything wrong, I'm not really...functioning currently? Yeah. I read three hundred pages today...or maybe four hundred. It was around that area. I read that in about two and a half hours, and I was surprised by how slowly I was going. I've really gotten rusty. I should be done with this book by now. The book I'm talking of is called "Divergent" by Veronica Roth. I like it pretty well, it reminds me of the Hunger Games, so if you like the Hunger Games, I highly suggest this novel. It's meant for the same sort of audience as the Hunger Games, so it's not anything crazy or kinky. Just pretty cool, you know?

You ever notice how after you read how many books that very few surprise you anymore? I can predict the ending or any plot twist or hidden character. I'm not joking either. Once you average one hundred books per semester, you kind of start to see it all. That may be a reason why I stopped reading so much. I dunno...I don't want to say I outgrew reading, because I believe that's impossible, but in a way, I almost think I did. I mean, I was reading 400 paged books in 4th grade. (I was pretty cool, you can tell.) And I kept reading up until my senior year of high school. Then I started to slack. It's a pity really, but hey, when books only last a couple of hours...I dunno... I really love books, but...

Sorry, I don't mean to be bragging, but like I said, I'm not functioning right now and I haven't read a book for fun in a very long time. I...I believe...it was earlier this summer? I'm not entirely sure. I'm very proud of Dorian though, she's hooked on reading now and finished Divergent last night and enjoyed it. Yeah, you know how un-readerly I've become? I'm actually letting her read "Inheritance" before me. Yeah. BEFORE ME.

And that's a series I started FIRST.

I first read Eragon in 5th grade when it first came out, then Eldest in 7th grade. Brisingr came out...during my high school years...I think sophomore or freshmen. Either way, I have waited a damn long time for this book, but I let Dorian read it first, because I know she's going to actually sit down and read it. I believe that it was a very generous gesture on my part. Either way, I still have two Star Wars books to read and the rest of Divergent. I'll...get around to it.

Let's see. Oh! I went to my Japanese final and it went very well, and then since I got done early, I did something really stupid and drove home after the test. So...I got home at midnight, but hey, I was home earlier than what I expected, and I didn't have to spend the night in my dorm room alone. (Jade left that night too.)

Beanie has been very civil to Moshi and Noah, and only sits by their cage. However, I'm taking no chances and I keep them in the closet at night, and bring them out in the day, but close my bedroom door so they're safe. I'm a very careful person. Also, those guys are my babies.

It's really nice to have Mr. Turdz around again. He missed me, did'ya know? You may think that turtles don't feel, but Dorian kept calling me and sending me worried texts because she thought he had died because he never moved. See? She's used to him swimming around, because he only does that when I'm here, because he LOVES me. Yes, he really does. He comes when I call, he LOOOOOVES me. So yes, I can hear him swimming and banging happily around because I'm home.

Speaking of being home, my brothers visited and now they're gone again, but it was super fun to have them here. I miss having the family around. All we were missing was a Carissa. Too bad she celebrated Thanksgiving with a Canadian. (And...some Americans, I guess. Love you.)

Either way, I'm here till January 2nd.

Oh! And I'll be working at the Studio again! So I'm very excited for that.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

And...because I can't resist. GO BIG RED.

Have a great week.

Lawls at overhearing two middle school boys talk about how amazing Twilight is.

2011-11-20T20:00:00.001-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? Two more days till I go home. Ready? Here we go.

It kills me how people going to a state institution complain about their professors never getting back to them. If you wanted your professor to care about you, go to a small college! Honestly, you think you're someone to them when there are thousands and thousands of other students? Ridiculous. Now, me, I email my professor and hear back within the hour. And for them, it's not just their jobs, they actually CARE about their students! Honestly, I adore Shaughnessy-sensei, and I had an excellent conversation with Professor Spacco about Star Wars. You know why? I go to a small, liberal arts college where the emphasis is on the student. At a large state university, I wouldn't even be a number!

So stop complaining.

If you wanted to have someone care about you, go smaller. Get a better education.

Yeah, a B at Knox will look better than an A at a state university. Just sayin'.

Anyway, that's my mini rant about that. It's just...people can really be irritating, you know? They make fun of you for going to a small college, but in the end, I don't want to be an assembly line student. I want an education and I want to learn how to THINK. I want to be a well-rounded individual. Also, going to a small college...you get to know people really well! You see familiar faces! It's NICE.

But anyway...

This week. Well, people really need to learn how to grow up. They also need to find who they are before depending upon someone else to complete them. Dani and I have been struggling with these issues for some time now. It's not a Dani vs. Me battle, no. It's not that at all. I have to be careful of what I say, just in case, but we're very frustrated. We've been lied to and shunned because we care enough to speak out against things we believe are wrong. We don't want to see people dig themselves a deeper hole, but hey, if you want to do that, by all means, do it. We can't always be around, and we'll stop being around if this sort of thing continues. The hard-headedness...the lies. The secrets. You're choosing friends that don't really care.

Also, I'm in the midst of finals. I'm BUSY. I already have enough stress without other people bringing in theirs as well. I need space and I need it now. (I'm sorry, I'm being really vague!) I just want people to straighten up! Is that so hard to ask? Why does everyone complain about being unhappy, and then do nothing to fix it? No matter what you say, they'll never take your advice, and they'll keep wallowing in misery. I don't know what to say anymore.

I dunno, guys, it just seems like people have regressed.

But anyway, guys. I'm coming home in two days. TWO DAYS. I'm very excited to see my family, pets, and my friends. Dani, Shelbie, Sam, and I are planning on having a Thanksgiving feast. It should be a ton of fun.

I look forward to buckling my guinea pigs up and taking them home. However, I'm going to miss Jade so much. During these past couple of months, we've become really close, and I'm going to miss her. I want to visit her, but Chicago is pretty far by car, and I'm not confident enough in driving to do that by myself. The time will come, I'm sure of it, but for now, I'll probably have to wait till January to see her.

January.

That's insane.

Oh! I had my concert this week! Yeah, that's another thing I was stressing over. It went pretty well. My body was shaking, but my voice wasn't too bad. I think I relied on falsetto too much, but oh well. It was pretty good.

I wrote a flash fiction for my FP class, and we had the choice to share them, and I shared mine anonymously. The feedback was really good, and people liked it! They requested to know who wrote it, so I sheepishly raised my hand, like, okay...here I am. I've really missed writing. Yes, I know I write every Sunday, but...I haven't written fiction in a long time. Jade has started me roleplaying again, and I really like my two characters. It's very strange to get back into it, but it's exciting at the same time. I'm afraid to mess up, but honestly, how else can I learn?

A couple of nights ago, well, I do this thing where I pretend to flip my desk. Except, my desk is really heavy and will not move, so I usually just gesture at it, in the "flip-desk-motion". However, this week, I accidentally managed to shake it, and my flashlight knocked a picture frame off my desk. It fell and the glass cracked. I managed to put it back together, but the glass is still broken, and now there's a chip out of it. It was very ironic. It relates to the issues I'm struggling with now, because I feel like bits of a friendship are falling apart, as this person grows into an entirely different person. I don't even really know who this person is anymore. I don't know what to say to them, and I'm shocked by the way they treat other people and how they've begun to treat themselves. (I have no idea how to make that grammar correct.) You get what I'm meaning, though? They say all these things, but they're really just abusing their emotions and their body. It's shocking to see how much they've degraded. Not to mention sad...

However, I cannot live your life. If I could, I would pull you up out of your misery pit and make you see that there is more to life than what you're focusing on. These things...these things you speak of, they're self-designed. You're doing this to yourself. You're saying these things, but I don't believe them. You say one thing, but in the meantime, you're hanging onto a part of your life that is not only OVER but DEAD. It's DEAD. You can't bring it BACK. You are injuring yourself.

Everyone. I think in the end it's better to let go.

So let go.

Save yourself some heartache.

Holding onto something that's falling apart (fallen apart) will just break you along with it.

ANYWAY. Enough of this cheesy, sad stuff. I go home in two days! This is Jade and I's last night hanging out for a month. I must make a loud obnoxious noise and startle her. Maybe she'll throw something at me. She's a really abusive roommate. Also, she's like...three feet tall. Vicious little thing. (Jade is badass.)

Have a great week.

I pretend to be a gay, male vampire in my free time.

2011-11-13T19:45:00.001-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I have a week left. Ready? Here we go.

I'm really tired of people getting out their acoustic guitars to play really loudly in the suite. Especially since it's never very good. It's usually the same three chords strummed over and over again. Honestly, there have been so many times this week that I wish I could have flipped my desk over for humorous and dramatic effect. The only problem is that I would break a ton of stuff, and my desk is huge and heavy. There's no way I could flip it.

But really, I'm ready for break. I'm going to miss my roommate a ton though. Jade is AWESOME. I am so glad she's my roommate, and we're planning on rooming together next year too. I've started roleplaying again because of her, and I must say, it's a ton of fun.

I used to roleplay wolves, cats, and fantasy human things back in 8th grade, but now I'm on a vampire roleplaying site. Make fun of me all you wish, but I'm there, and I'm starting to participate.

I don't really know what to say. This week was just another week, and I can't wait for this upcoming one to be over. Finals. Finals. They're coming up. I want you to know that I long for snow and Christmas with all my heart. I can't wait to walk around my nearly empty house and listen to Christmas carols. Also, I'll be able to watch the trees outside, and look at how sunny and pretty it is, but in reality it's really cold...

Man.

I guess I'm just ready to be home...? But at the same time, I'm really going to miss Knox. I really love it here, even if I am a hermit.

This upcoming week. Finals. The general recital. There's a lot of stuff, but I'll live through it.

I'm excited for home, but I'll miss Knox and I'll miss my badass roommate. It's really sad that it's a six hour drive to Chicago. We were discussing it earlier today, because I would love to visit, and there's a lot of sites she wants to take me too. Also, I really want to show her Fairfield, because hey, my town is pretty awesome for a small town.

Anyway.

I had a dream last night that Noah was taken away from me, and it really bummed me out. I mean, honestly, I'm always afraid that someone is going to accuse me of not being a good enough pet owner or something. This is entirely unfounded because I clean their cage every two days, and I feed and cuddle them... I guess it's just because I care about them so much, that I don't want them to leave. Also, Kibble has totally become attached to Dorian, and Dorian to Kibble. Which is cute, but it makes me somewhat sad. However, I'm glad that Mr. Turdz still remains loyal to me. After all, you can't just replace nine years together in a couple of months. How I adore my turtle.

But yes.

I'm ready for home.

But at the same time, I have mixed feelings.

It'll probably be the same when I have to come back to Knox in January.

Oh well!

That's life.

(I want a hermit crab.)

Have a great week.

Gotta go shave my legs for @anti2ben. She doesn't like her lovers to be hairy.

2011-11-06T20:20:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? So...yeah. My recital. I should probably talk about that. Ready? Here we go.

You know how I was stressed about my recital? Well, I went out onto the stage. My voice was weak, my technique failed, my face was a woodblock... but somehow, I remembered all the words, and I didn't fall apart like some of the other freshmen. Apparently I was the only one who kept it all together according to my voice teacher. Also, she said that even though my voice wasn't strong, it still sounded good and everyone was impressed. And, she said that if I wanted to give it another go, I have the opportunity to sing my song at the General Recital. So I guess I didn't fail as badly as I thought I did, but it still wasn't my best performance. In fact, it was the worse one I had ever done.

However, afterward, my parents took Dorian, Jade, and me out to Applebee's for dinner and it was a TON of fun.

But...I don't know about this general recital. I mean, I'll already be singing with my choir for it, and I have a solo in that. I don't know if I want the extra stress. Speaking of stress, I only have two weeks left of the term and that means my first ever college finals. What am I going to do? I'm excited to go home after all this time, and my sentiment was reinforced by going home this weekend and enjoying my time there. However, as I was laying in bed last night, I was thinking about coming back home, and that's when I realized that I wasn't really living there anymore. The majority of my year would be spent at Knox. I was thinking about how I would be unpacking, and then I wondered if that was even a smart idea, because I'd only be home for six weeks. Then I thought about unpacking over the summer, and realized I'd only be there for about three or four months. Suddenly, my room seemed very foreign and strange to me. It didn't help that I was sleeping on different pillows than what I'm used to, and the comforting hum of my fan was non-existent. Everything I was used to had been brought to Knox, and I was left to stare at the posters on my dark walls in silence.

I have unintentionally moved on.

Yes, I love my home, my friends, and my family, but...it's like Ryan said, we're reaching the point of our lives where we won't always be together. Big family vacations are no longer going to exist, because the boys are working now and they can't get breaks for things like that. Carissa can't visit us during Thanksgiving, and I'm not entirely sure about Christmas. Life is changing. We've entered that point of our lives where things will never be the same again. The days where we all sat around the tablet at dinner or at Thanksgiving are slowly disappearing. How long before I stop seeing my brothers more than once a year? It already started to happen with Carissa when she moved to New York, but I mean, we still went out to see her, and she was still able to make it back. But now...now things are changing.

And there's really nothing we can do about it.

Hell, I'm going to study abroad in Japan my junior year.

We're going to start moving apart, but we have that foundation, and the memories.

So we're fine.

We'll be fine.

But talking about Japan, I think I'm going to change my major to Asian Studies. I was talking to Ryan about it, and we both agree that with China being a huge part of industry, etc., and all the advancements are being made, that a degree with both Asian Studies and Business would be extremely helping in the upcoming years. Who knows? I could end up IN Asia. However, I would miss Iowa so much...

Really, I'm always going to be an Iowan Native, and I'm always going to love it here.

Also, I was closed out of math, so it looks like I'll be taking Sculpture, Japanese, and Intro to Chinese Civilization next term. WHOOT.

Have a great week.

Simba's a horcrux #spoiler

2011-10-31T16:50:00.001-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I forgot to post yesterday. Well, it's not that I forgot, but well... Ready? Here we go.

I kept telling myself, "Blog. You're going to forget it. Blog." But then one thing led to another and the next morning I woke up and looked at my dragons on Dragons of Atlantis and realized: One; I had forgotten to blog. Two; I had forgotten to take my medicine. Where was my brain last night? I have no idea.

I just woke up from an absolutely delicious nap. Yes, I'm aware that it's 6:52, but I couldn't help it. I tried to NOT nap today, but at four...I was weak. I gave in. It was so soft, I was so sleepy...

But anyway, now to talk about life. Yes.

So tomorrow I have a recital, but I'm super nervous about it. I shouldn't be nervous, because I've been doing recitals for who knows how long, but this is my first college recital! Also, I've had significantly less time to prepare the music, and as of last Friday, I had only practiced with my accompanist once. Today would count as the second time singing the song with the piano. However, the piano is on all the offbeats, and very funky. Also, I'm not entirely confident in my new technique, so I'm worried. Yes, this recital is for a grade. Also, if I don't screw up, my voice teacher said that she'll have me sing at the General Recital, which is rare for freshmen. I don't want to screw up, but I have a feeling I will.

What else? Oh, I'm so glad I have Jade for a roommate. She's awesome!

This week we went to Goodwill twice. The first time we got lost and nearly ended up on the highway, even with the GPS, which takes talent. We sang to Thriller and talked on bananas that we had gotten from the cafeteria. We also spent several hours just talking a couple of nights ago, which was super fun. We both stared at my green furry blanket on my bed after I commented that it "looks like a pasture". We noted where the ravines were, and where the horses could run.

Also, we went to supper last night in the cafeteria, and we were both sitting in one of the middle tables when I asked, "Is it just me, or do you feel wildly uncomfortable sitting all exposed like this?"

"Oh yeah, definitely. I'm keeping my head down."

I pointed out another table and we promptly moved.

I'm so glad of how similar we are. It's super fun hanging out with her.

What else...

The haunted house went well. I was adorable in my costume, though I felt very skanky. As soon as I walked in the door, the club members were all "that's adorable". However, I realized that most of them are seniors. It's very sad. They actually told me and another girl that was in the Haunted House, that we'd have to keep Japanese Club alive. It's a lot of responsibility, it really is. (But I knew as soon as I came to Knox that I would want to be a club leader some day. I will take over! I WIIIILL. cue manic laughter.) So we'll see how that goes.

Well.

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Try not to be killed by zombies, werewolves, vampires, Frankenstein, yokai, serial killers, killers, skeletons, ghouls, trolls, imps, devils, demons, princesses, ogres, mummies, gobins, witches, wizards, the 99%, warlocks, banshees, ghosts, gorgons, Bigfoot, cyclops, dragons, golems, mermaids, mutants, and small children in whateverthetrendis costumes.

Have a great week.

"It's time to let the robots do the work for you." That's actually on an ad I just saw. Holy shit. The robot revolution is coming soon.

2011-10-23T14:58:00.001-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I had a dream last night that was rather funky. Ready? Here we go!

So last, night, my dream... hm. It started off...well, it didn't really start off, this is just the stuff I remember. I was in my front garden with other people. I'm not really sure who it was. I believe it was some family members, and I happened to spot some giant toad. And when I say giant, I mean, it was bigger than me, and somehow it had carved a hole into the brick and was living in there. It came out, and I tried to defend it, because my dad wanted to shoot it through the eye. Then we found all the animals skulls.

After that, it pulled out a bunch of epitaphs from its home. However, these epitaphs were all of Chinese people that apparently I had looked up to and admired a lot, because I was greatly distressed that this toad had dug around and eaten their bodies leaving nothing but cracked plaques behind to remember them by.

Somehow that faded into me being a mutant from x-men and with my class, we tried to find Fun City. I've never been to Fun City so I don't know what it looks like or anything, so pretty much we were in this random city, and we couldn't ask for directions because we were mutants, and we didn't want to die. Then it turns out that Storm betrayed us and pretty much everyone was going to die from a bomb. I ran into a "bomb-safe" elevator, and a lot of other people saw me doing that, so they tried to crowd in too. Once the bomb went off, our elevator was lifted into the sky, and half of it melted away turning some people into ash immediately. The rest fell out before my eyes and hit the ground and turned to ash, which was...to say the least, creepy. One person's last words were, "But I made allllstaaaaaate-" splat

After the explosion, Storm disappeared somewhere, and I was left alone, and naturally, because everyone around me had died, even though I didn't know them, I was sobbing. Then Shelbie came up to me and was all, "Hey, I'm still alive."

So I can see where some of this came from, and some of it, I just...have no idea. The epitaphs because I brought a Sim "back to life" on Sims, but really, they're just floating around as a ghost now because the science experiment went wrong or something. The random "I made allstate" comment because allstate was yesterday.

Hmm, I'm happy for the people that made it, really, I am, but I still remember the bitter disappointment from last year. Really, I hate all the facebook updates. It's a constant reminder that I wasn't good enough for that choir. And it's not just me, someone's post yesterday was, "Congrats to [insert names]. I knew I should have stuck to singing in the shower!" and then someone else who hadn't even MADE it into Chamber posted an ironic "So, I made it into Select Choir. I would like to thank the people that stand next to me every other day." Allstate is a great experience for the people that WEREN'T rejected.

Otherwise...

Well, you wanna know what allstate taught ME? It's doesn't matter how hard you work, you won't get it anyway. It's like...you do all this hard work and then, bam. No. "Talent is nothing without hard work." Well, it doesn't matter if you have talent and hard work if you're put in a bad room. That's what's so shitty about allstate. It's freaking luck of the draw, and if you're not lucky, you're screwed.

They say it helps you grow as a person, well, I personally think it shows quite a bit about me. Maybe it's because it completely wiped out my self-confidence and it's made me pessimistic and bitter. So I look like the bad person whenever I hate on it, but god, you have no idea how much I hate it now! How much I hate seeing the statuses! How much I remember that I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever be good enough for that damn, overrated choir! I hate it! I'm sorry, but freaking hate it so much! (getting teary now)

I shouldn't measure my worth by that stupid piece of crap, but I do! And it completely destroyed my confidence! Fuck allstate!

God.

Gotta calm down. Gotta calm down.

So there you go. Allstate.

Still not over it. Hello, Dolly! and Allstate were my two biggest disappointments in my high school career. You may think it's petty, but you have no idea how much they meant to me. I used to dream about my junior year musical, because I was like, my time to shine. It'll be my last musical. I'll be a junior. I'll get a good part. I'm serious. I literally thought about this all the time, ever since I saw Carissa shine so amazingly in Fiddler on the Roof. I thought, hey, it'll be my turn! Then I'm cast aside in a small, ditsy role because I'm short and look younger. I'm not saying Shannon shouldn't have gotten the lead role, oh no, she should have and she did and she was amazing! It's just...I thought the musical choice was crappy. It was certainly crappy for me.

Honestly, I can't think of one good thing that happened junior year. I should have studied abroad. However, you know the reason I didn't? Because I thought the musical would be better than what it turned out to be. I'm serious. The only reason I didn't study abroad in high school was because of it.

Lesson learned: don't wait for something like that. Just freaking do it. No point in having a dream like having a prominent role in a musical.

God. I am bitter this week. I think it's all of my frustrations coming out. Thank god for the solo in Woman's Chorale. The choir director approached me after practice and told me,"Awesome job." and then these girls told me that I have a beautiful voice and that they love "my delicate vibratto" and that my voice type is "perfect for the song". (This made me feel immensely better, since I feel that I've lost my voice since coming here.)

Singing is really personal for me.

And most people don't get that.

Hell, even one of my closest friends were like, "Heh. If those were your biggest disappointments, then be glad something worse didn't happen."

I have been singing ever since I was a baby. My mom told me that I used to sing in the shopping cart as soon as I could speak. It's something that I've always done and always will do. To tell me that my disappointments were insignificant like that is to...I dunno...deny everything I think about myself? I love singing. I love it so damn much. I can't help myself when it comes to it, so it's EXTREMELY painful for me to fail.

*tissue*

I need to stop this before I upset myself further.

But, I just want you to know that allstate still hurts. Will always hurt.

Always.

Um. Let me just try to bring up something better or something before I leave... Um. I can now train battle dragons on Dragons of Atlantis. Also, I go home in four weeks for my six week winter break! So excited. Also, um, I have straight A-'s in college currently. However, I went to see my advisor to set up my classes and he was all, "How can you do better? How can these be A's?" I thought I was doing pretty damn good. Gotta step it up. Gotta do more. Always have to do more.

Also, I had my first paper conference and my professor told me I write good pros. (Not that you can tell from these posts. They're all over the place and usually have WROOONG things in them.)

I feel bad for posting this.

Have a great week.

Mufasa dies. #spoiler

2011-10-16T21:33:00.001-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? My parents and Dorian came to visit today. Ready? Here we go.

Last night, I spent over seven hours working on math. Yeah, over seven hours. I'm not even joking. I worked on it from five pm to one am, and it was a ...excuse me, I don't often curse on here, but it was a BITCH to get done.

I can honestly say that I loathe math.

Anyway, this week was homecoming week, but I really didn't notice much difference. I was more excited for THIS upcoming week. We don't have classes on Wednesday, so with no classes on Tuesday either for me (that's a normal schedule thing), that means I have what is essentially a weekend in the middle of the week. (I don't even care about grammar right now. My hands are cold, and I'm tired.)

What would that be? Middleweekend? Weekmiddleend? Who knows. Wait. I do. It's pure awesomeness.

So, anyway, I had some low points this week. It finally occurred to me that I am, indeed, a wallflower. Ever since I came here, I feel like I haven't really done anything besides homework and sleep. While I love my sleep, and I also blame my bad mood this week on not having daily naps, I should probably go and do other things instead. I dunno, it's just that I went from being known and constantly doing things to pretty much nothing. I mean, yeah, I'm in Japanese club, and I'm also in choir...but... That's nothing compared to FHS High School Activities. Yeah. Those were INSANE. I was constantly doing something. However, I was constantly stressed. I guess I'm just not used to having free time.

Also, another thing: Ryan was super popular at Knox. You go from a super popular, outgoing brother to me. I mean, I don't really standout very much. Pretty much, I feel like I'm a nobody. I mean, I should have suspected something like this would happen, because hey, this IS different from high school... But...I guess I didn't expect to feel the loss so heavily? Yeah? I dunno...

Either way, I just have to keep adjusting. I do like it here, really. Otherwise I don't think I would have been able to stay for very long. My roommate is awesome, the people are nice, my classes are interesting... But in the end, I'm just me, and I need to do more to feel like I'm worthwhile.

I should really start drawing on my tablet more. Really. That would keep me occupied. However, I don't want it to occupy me too much so that I forget about my homework.

Speaking of classes, Japanese has gotten really intense. We've now moved on a chapter, and the book is basically all in hiragana and katakana. Though I know the symbols, it's just hard to start reading fluently with them. I feel like I'm a little kid again, stumbling through storybooks.

My professor said it would get easier.

I hope so.

Because right now I feel very overwhelmed by it.

Anyway, there's only about a month till break. I'm really looking forward to the holidays. I can't wait for snow...

Oh, the Japanese club had a Yakisoba event last Friday, and it was super fun. I really look forward to Japanese club every week. I love talking to them all. Also, after that, I went to a soap making event and pretty much just basked in everyone's company. I loved sitting and listening to everyone and talking. That helped boost my confidence, but I'm still not completely over the wallflower thing.

Oh well.

Either way, I'm mumbly and jumbly tonight. I've been doing homework pretty much all weekend except for when Dorian, Mom, and Dad came to visit.

I should really go to bed.

I apologize for this blog post.

Have a great week.

I just used a staple remover to open a bottle. I must be in college now.

2011-10-09T17:37:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? The adoption process went smoothly and now I have Moshi and Noah. Ready? Here we go.

This is Moshi. She likes me just fine, but she's not as nice as Noah. She doesn't like to be held as much, and scampers more. However, she's still very sweet. I didn't have to take her to the vet after all on Tuesday, because the stitch that didn't dissolve fully fell out and the hole that was left scabbed over. The adoption lady talked to the vet about it, and they said it should be fine, because that sort of thing happens to cats (etc.) all the time and they never have any problems with it. Even still, I'm supposed to check and see if it keeps doing okay. So far, so good.

I was super stressed about bringing her to the vet, and I was glad I didn't have to. It was a big relief. But pretty much, my entire Monday was spent in anticipation of getting these guys.

Noah is extremely sweet. I cannot stress that enough. I was reading last night, and she fell asleep on me. Yeah, she rested her head on my shoulder and snoozed. It was so cute.

The amazing thing with these two, is that when I reach to pet them, they LET me pet them. They don't scamper off (usually, they only scamper rarely). They're not as skittish as other guinea pigs that I've seen and dealt with. I adore them both.

Also, I love the way guinea pigs smell. It's almost...reminds me of a mild barn or fair? Not like poop or anything, I mean hay. Yeah, I bought them their special hay and they adore it. But yes, I also love the way Kibble smells and the way cats smell. I dunno, is that weird? I love animals...

I've b

een cleaning their cage every two days because these guys love to poop, and I really want them to stay healthy and happy. I don't want them to spend even a minute in nastiness. They've had enough troubles with human cruelty. I still can't believe that someone would drop them off by the lake in a cardboard box. Who does that? These are little rodents. What did you expect them to do? They aren't native to this land, they aren't particularly good at defending themselves... Terrible.

But enough of that. I love Moshi and Noah. They're a lot of fun, even if they rumble a lot and pick on each other.

Oh! I wanted to tell you all I got a solo in Woman's Chorale. It's about two pages. It's not that long, because you know, there are only so many measures per page, but it's better than just one line or something. I'm very excited about this. I love being able to show people I can sing. I dunno, it's probably very cocky, but I want people to know that I'm not just a quiet kid...? Yeah? That I do have talent? Probably something to do with my lack of self-confidence. I mean, it comes and it goes, you know?

Hmm, this week's first was driving around town and trying to figure out where everything is. Well, not everything. I mean, I had to go to Rabbit Stop and get the hay for the guinea pigs. Except, does it count because I went with my roommate, since she wanted to get a snail? I think some of it does, because I did drive by myself to the pet place. Oh! I know! I signed adoption papers and took real responsibility. Contractual responsibility. (Contracts are SCARY.)

Oh, and I also volunteered at Japanese Club to be the scary nurse for our Haunted House. I'm very excited for that. Nothing like creepin' people out. The theme is an abandoned Japanese school, and we're using urban myths about schools in Japan to scare people. Should be good. I'll probably be busy with that these next couple of weekends.

Today, I woke up at two o'clock (awesome, yo) and then shortly after helped design and paint the suite window for homecoming. It has a train and a squirrel in a conductor uniform on it. Why? There are so many damn trains in Galesburg, and there are a ton of squirrels on campus. Also, squirrels are fun to draw.

What else have I done this week?

Ohp, I decided that I would make a new comic. Yeah, it's still Crossfire, but it's Crossfire: Juncture now. Instead of doing this on paper, I'm actually drawing it on my tablet, which not only makes it hard, but time-consuming. However, I hope it will be worth it.

Crossfire was created to help me hone my drawing skills. It only makes sense to move on and work on my tablet skills with it.

Well.

Other than some friend issues, I think I've pretty much covered everything.

Except, I think I've become incredibly boring.

I apologize for this.

Have a great week.

Someone spilled corn on the side of the road... Deer homicide.

2011-10-02T19:04:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I bring home Moshi and Noah tomorrow. Excited? You bet I am. Ready? Here we go.

This week's first was driving on the highway by myself for the first time. I have to say this: without GPS, I would be in Utah. I'm extremely directionally challenged, but my GPS got me home safely and alive. When I passed over the river that separates Illinois and Iowa, I let out a loud whoop and screamed, "IOWA." as loud as I could. I know that no one else heard me, but man, it felt good. I'm very proud of being Iowan. I just can't help it. Something about Iowa just...hm. I like to joke around and say it's from my Native American heritage (Sauk and Fox, 1/32nd) and that I'm tied to this part of the country.

Anyway, I was happy to be home.

I got much needed family and cat time.

Mmm. I'm unwinding from this weekend.

(Another first from this week, I actually worked up the nerve to go and get a take-out box from the cafeteria. Craaazy.)

Really, my mind was spinning when I got back to Knox. I had stuff to unpack, and I had just come from meeting with Tina, the lady that was caring for the guinea pigs. (She was very nice, and the guinea pigs. WHEEE!)

After that I brought everything in and finished bits of leftover homework...

Ahhh...

Anyway, on to the main topic of happiness: guinea pigs.

Moshi is a gray and white guinea pig and she snuggled in my arms and slept. Tina was very surprised, she was all, "She never does that for me."

In fact, all the guinea pigs seemed to like me.

Noah is a tri-color guinea pig, and eeep, she's so cuuute. She's a bit fluffier than Moshi and fit easily in my hand. She's has a quieter spirit than Moshi, but she likes to make noise. Except when you stroke behind her ears. She quiets when you do that.

They're both girls, and they're both spayed.

On Tuesday, I have to bring Moshi to Monmouth to a vet that the shelter goes to. Since she was spayed, she had stitches, but one was all weird, and Tina wanted to get it checked out. The shelter pays for it, so really, why not.

Tomorrow, I'm going to go and find this place called 'Rabbit Stop' and contrary to the name, get stuff for the piggies. I need some hay, and a certain brand of food for them. Then, I'll be picking them up around five thirty or so.

Wow. I'm just...hm.

I tend to get overly stressed.

What I need is a hot cup of soup (which I have from stocking up on groceries today) and then a good night's sleep.

This weekend was hectic and a ton of fun.

My mother's birthday was last weekend, and it's tradition for us to go to Ching Dow's and eat for various woman family member's birthdays. Grandma, Aunt Karen, and Aunt Christe, Cala, Jenny, Dorian, and I were there. I have to tell you, you'd have to be there to really, I mean, wow, it's an experience.

My family is honestly hilarious.

During the first five minutes or so, my grandmother asked my mom, "When I called you yesterday, you said you couldn't help me out because you were working your ass off. Check and see, is it still there?"

A few minutes later, she hugged me and whispered, "I can't believe a good Christian woman told me that, I certainly didn't teach her that."

Then, later, my Aunt Karen was talking about her therapist as her 'best paid friend' and my cousin Jenny, her daughter, responded, "He sounds like a hooker."

Really, you'd have to be there to listen to all the quips. It's an experience, it really is.

I had a ton of homework, so I also worked on that this weekend.

Man.

Hm.

I can't really think of anything else to say. I'm excited about my guinea pigs, and I'm sure you'll be seeing pictures of them next week. Wish me luck trying to find the Rabbit Stop and Moshi's vet!

Have a great week.

#thatawkwardmoment when you bike through a charity walk. #oops

2011-09-25T14:20:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I'm barely holding on. I have a week left till I get my guinea pig, and I assure you, I'm going INSANE. Ready? Here we go!

I haven't been googling guinea pig stuff all afternoon, nope, definitely not. (Bergh!) I decided to look more into guinea pigs and guinea pig prices, and I happened across petfinder.com, and apparently, there are five or six guinea pigs that are up for adoption at the Guardian Angel's Humane Society here in Galesburg. I immediately emailed them about it, and I'm looking forward to the response. I also snuck in my eagerness to volunteer, since they are a completely volunteer run organization.

If I can adopt a guinea pig from them, I will adopt. I hope it's not overly pricey, or comes with craziness. Also, when it comes to names, I can change them, right? I don't want a guinea pig named Bettina or Betty. I want my Moshi. (And if I happen to get two, which I won't, it'll be Moshi and Noah.)

I also did my research on the humane society. Apparently there was a fall-out with the original humane society here in town, so the Guardian Angels were formed. Apparently the original one wanted to cut different things, and it didn't sit right with one woman, so she decided to form her own. They offer low-cost neutering/spaying etc. Like, in this situation, they sound like the good guys. (I went and read old newspaper articles.) Yeah...I like to research.

We'll see.

If I can adopt, I will, but if the guinea pig is too expensive or I have to wait a long time, I don't know if I'll be able to do it. I'm a college student, and unlike having pets before, I'd have to fund this guinea pig by myself. My parents aren't around to buy me guinea pig food, you know? This is actually a pretty big responsibility, but I'm so excited. Also, if I have to wait a long time, even another week after the next, I may explode. I don't think I could do that. I would have a weak moment.

Hmm, what else? Oh! I got a 95/100 on my first Japanese test! I was super excited. Mostly because, hey, I love Japanese and I want to do well. Also, it shows that I can and will live through college.

Okay, now. More firsts of this week! I stepped off campus for the first time in two weeks and I went to search for a pet shop. (This was before I found the adoption guinea pigs.) I actually found the pet shop, ventured inside, and looked around. The guinea pigs there are healthy and friendly, but they're about $10 too much. Yeah, paying $30 for a guinea pig is ridiculous. In the past, I've only paid $20.

Oh! And if any of you are wondering, my roommate, Jade, is totally cool with me getting a guinea pig. In fact, she's super excited! We both are. It'll be so much fun.

Speaking of pets, there was an event at Knox called "Fish and Chips". Pretty much you go in and get yourself a fish and a free tank. (Then eat chips.) It was fun, and I brought Ibrahim back, only for him to die three hours later. I don't know if it was the stress, or the water temperature, but he just didn't do well. Apparently, most fish died that day.

However, Jade got a fish aptly named "Sleepy Fish" and he's still with us. All he does is sit in the corner and move...like...every three hours.

If that.

Either way, I'm very curious to see how long he'll last.

Also, I giggled over how the poster said "low-maintenance pet". Goldfish are actually anything but that. The food just goes right through them, and in a couple of days, all they're swimming in is their own waste. They're extremely messy fish.

I would think, if you want a low-maintenance pet, go for a betta? Goldfish need 10 gallons per fish (if you're really that serious), and we just have little, tiny tanks. But whatever. That's for all the fish experts to blab about. (I really don't care too much.)

So...math class.

Yeah.

This week...we learned how to foil.

During this time, I sat in my seat looking flabbergasted, because some people actually didn't know how to do it! I was shocked. I learned that in 9th grade, if not before. It was...yeah... Maybe I can pass this class after all.

Oh, I made the choice this week...Japanese club v. Chordially Yours.

I chose Japanese club.

I watched Chordially Yours, and is it bad of me to think...I could get into that? Like...immediately? But, I decided that college is about pursuing interests that you hadn't been able to explore before. I've been in so many singing groups in the past, and yes, I love to sing, but... Japanese club is so much fun! I love being around them all. This week, I got to hold Cat's lovebird and it was awesome! They're friendly and loud. It's exciting. In the end, I think I made the right choice. I want to do something that I love, that I haven't ever been able to do.

But anyway! Next weekend is homecoming, and I'm going home. While I'm there, I will hang out with friends and family, and gather up supplies that I need. (Guinea pig dishes, food, etc.) I'm extremely excited, because I haven't been home for a month.

Have a great week.

And it's NOT the same bat. This one was doing figure eights. The last one just hid behind my curtain. This one's smaller, too. I KNOW.

2011-09-18T14:22:00.001-07:00

Hey, guys. Guess what? I've been at college for two weeks. Ready? Here we go.

So, this week... Wow, I can't believe how fast the week went. I read Frankenstein this week for my preceptorial class, and...mmmm. That's some good literature. Strangely enough, it spoke a lot about how I feel currently.

"Even where the affections are not strongly moved by any superior excellence, the companions of our childhood always possess a certain power over our minds which hardly any later friend can obtain. They know our infantine dispositions, which, however they may afterwards modified, are never eradicated; and they can judge of our actions with more certain conclusions as to the integrity of our motives." -Mary Shelley, Frankenstein, pg. 188

It's so true. I'm making friends and I'm really enjoying myself now, but at the same time, I find it really hard to start over again, because I have friends that know everything about me. Suddenly, I can't crack inside jokes about kindergarten or refer to a teacher in high school.

College is a very strange and foreign world.

But that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Sometimes that strangeness can pull you out of yourself and lead you to do crazy things. Like, for instance, I had my first Japanese Club meeting (miitingu) on Friday. I went there and sat awkwardly on the couch till the meeting started. It was a ton of fun. There was lots of laughter, and at the end, I was feeling so relaxed that when the club president asked the newbie members if anyone wanted to eat with them, I volunteered. I ran to get my meal card, came back, and discovered that I was the only newbie that had stayed to do so. Then, I went an ate supper with them.

While some of you are like, "No big deal, I eat with random people all the time." This was a colossal step for me! I have no idea where the courage came from, but it was there when I needed it most.

To couple with this, the next day was the Japanese Club 'Curry and Karaoke' event. For those of you who don't know, karaoke is extremely popular in Japan and usually takes place in a small room with just a handful of friends (not in the bar settings as you see in America). I was plopped on the couch eating curry when one of the members got done singing and asked, "Does anyone else want to sing?"

I don't know how or why I did it, but I spoke up, "Suuuure. Why not."

So I went up there with another girl from the group, grabbed the mic, and sang Lion King.

It was hilarious, and it was a ton of fun. After that, I sat and talked with the other members of the club. One of the girls has two guinea pigs. I can't tell you how tempted I am to be a guinea pig owner again. I was thinking about it when I first came here, but squealing with her about how cute they are reminded me on how I love the little furballs. (Some of you (most of you) probably don't know this, but I'm a guinea pig fanatic. I used to have them, and I did a speech about them at the Iowa State Fair. They're possibly my favorite rodent in the whole world. Also, they make the cutest little sounds.) So...if I happen to mention that I get a guinea pig in the next couple of weeks, don't be surprised. It's probably inevitable at this point.

Inevitable.

Hmm.

Inevitable is kind of like me when I decide that I'm hungry late at night and need a quesadilla.

Yes. I have another new thing to add to the list. I actually found the courage to walk to the Gizmo, at night, and order a quesadilla. I don't know what it is about quesadillas, but I adore them.

What else happened this week? Oh. I had my first math class...which was depressing. The class started off with the professor saying, "If you're in here, you're probably never going to be a math major." (Remember, this is CTL 120, or as my brother and Liz liked to call it "Math for Trees".) I took my initial assessment and the professor looked at it and remarked, "Oh, that's a little lower than expected."

Yes. So not only am I in a class for math stupid people, but my assessment was lower than average.

Yeah.

That was depressing.

(Though not as depressing as the professor teaching us how to add and multiply.)

(Okay, okay, so it was like...Order of Operations stuff, but stillll. I already knew that crap.)

But it all looked up once I started doing the computer program, because I flew right through it. I don't know about you, but I have issues doing math in a classroom setting around other people. I like to work on it, by myself, at my own pace. So yes, I'm done with my math homework, and now...yeah.

I finished my paper on Virtual Identities for my preceptorial.

Oh, and I finished doing Japanese drills for fun. We're learning hiragana amongst other things. I can't tell you how I excited I feel whenever I realize that I can write and read in Japanese. Sure, I'm slow at it, but that's to be expected. I feel like I'm a little kid again: I had been hearing English for so many years, and then finally I was taught how to unlock the meanings of the words on the page.

This is the same for Japanese. I've been listening to it for about three years now. Suddenly, I'm being given the tools to comprehend it and I can't help but go wild. I love it. I really truly do love it. Some people thought it was just a phase I was going through. No, this is incredible. It's a learning high that I can't get enough of.

Oh, I also had my Woman's Chorale this week. I went to it, and man, I must tell you... I hate cocky sopranos. I don't know about you, but nothing bothers me more in a choral setting. You see, I'm used to singing with Cochskison, which is a fancy phrase for Shannon, Ashley, and me. We always had a ton of fun and I miss it a lot. However, when I went to this choir, I happened to sit next to the worst soprano in the world.

Now, I know that not everyone can sing on key..., but when you're in a college choir and you're a first soprano, I expect it of you. I also expect that since you're an upperclassmen, that you're BEYOND the whole 'immaturity' thing. But, this doesn't seem to be the case.

I sat next to this girl and the director pulled out some music and showed us and asked us if we had sang it before. The girl next to me piped up and said, "Oh yeah...I sang that as a SOLO once." If that's not irritating, I don't know what is.

After that, he had the accompanist play through the music just so we could hear the piano. Out of nowhere, the girl next to me starts humming and singing in the most awful, terrible, warbly voice I have ever heard. It's like...classical gone wrong. I really hate brittle voices with terrible vibrato, and this girl had one of them. Not only are we just supposed to be listening, but obviously she viewed herself as extremely good.

GAH. I hate cocky bitches!

It's one thing to be cocky and GOOD, but it's entirely different to be cocky and BAD.

So, right now, I'm deciding to adopt a bit of a cocky attitude, shown only in my mind, and show her up. Yes, I am capable of being cocky too. However, when someone asks me, (like someone did this week), "Oh yeah, you're the one with the awesome voice." I tend to go mute. I murmur a thank you and say, "I like to sing." How does one respond to that sort of thing? When someone told me that this week, it utterly floored me. It's very awkward, but I mean, I'm happy they said it, but at the same time, I'm thoroughly embarrassed, because despite me claiming to be 'cocky', I tend to step away from the subject and skirt around it.

ARGH. It's awkward and now I don't even know what to say, because I probably sound terrible right now. And really, I don't want to come across as cocky, because that's just rude, but it really irritates me when people are that inconsiderate of other people during practice.

Anyway, I'm debating being in this singing group called 'Chordially Yours'. If it wasn't at the same time as Japanese Club, I would audition for it in a heartbeat, but right now...

I guess, I dunno...I want to shine? In some area?

Is that bad?

Ergh.

Anyway. I'll talk to you all next week. I'm going to go home for Homecoming, which is the weekend of the 30th. Two weeks!

Have a great week.

@heyitsashleyk apparently your dog's twitter got hacked. Unless he made $793 dollars today from working at home.

2011-09-11T19:23:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? Konban wa. Ready? Here we go.

I can't believe it's only been a week. I wanted to tell you, hey, I started classes, but hell, you don't even know about the rest of orientation. Crazy.

Where do I even begin? I would say, some days are better than others, which is true, but once again, I feel like I can only say that after I've been here for longer. I'm honestly so bewildered on how it could only have been a week.

Hajimemashite, Knox no Larson desu.

I'm very excited to be taking Japanese. (My first class was Thursday.) Since then I've already learned a ton of greetings and I'm currently working on learning classroom vocab. What I'm also confused about is how quickly I'm catching on. Sure, I knew a bit before, but...I don't even know. Maybe it's the flashcards I'm making myself.

I also started my Science Fiction & The Human Identity Preceptorial and currently we're reading Frankenstein. I love it. There's no other way to put it. It's a wonderful book. Also, I totally didn't know it was written by a woman. I didn't expect that. But yeah...

I'm kind of just...flabbergasted by everything.

I also start my CTL math class tomorrow. Yeah, I know I said I'd take sculpture, but I can't do that this term because I'm math stupid and I need to take a math class. So pretty much, I'm taking what Ryan and Liz refer to as 'Math for Trees'. (So easy, a tree could do it.)

That starts tomorrow and I'll probably get horribly lost.

I believe I've lost more than ten pounds this week from stress and not eating very much from lack of appetite. However, I've learned how to eat alone, so I'll probably gain it all back. Never fear.

Not that I constantly eat alone or anything! No, no, no. Sometimes though, like, Jade had a cross country race this Saturday so I ate lunch alone, and I ate lunch alone a couple days back too. Uh, I like my suitemates. Um, um...I don't even know what to say.

College is a fascinating, bewildering place and I reaaaaally miss my cats. So much.

I want to invest in a dorm hamster. Maybe I will. Who knows? I'm not all that fond of hamsters anymore. Maybe a mouse. They're easy.

I'm really proud of myself. I've worked up the courage to go to the computer lab, the library, the mail room, and the cafeteria alone. I've shook over 1400 hands. Oh yeah, I also found the courage to audition for the Knox Choir and I also found the courage to go back and check to see if I got in. Also, I was able to go to the Carnival of Clubs and sign up for anime and Japanese club alone. Wheee!

Okay, so you guys may be like, how is this a good thing? But I didn't make it into the Knox College Choir. The director was like, I love your voice and I want you to take private voice lessons. However, my voice is a bit too bright currently for the choir. So instead of having a humongous and stressful time commitment, I'll be joining the Woman's Chorale. Easy. Simple. One practice a week.

Now I just have to work up the courage to go to that.

But anyway, life keeps coming and I'm taking it. I'm still in shock.

Ja, mata.

Have a great week.

Dear god, why can't I just have a regular, non bat infested room?

2011-09-04T08:31:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, guess what? I'm at the Ultimate Terror. Ready? Here we go.

So, the Ultimate Terror has been...terrifying. I got here on Saturday and had to move in during the sweltering heat. Not only did I look and feel disgusting, but I was running on a mere four hours of sleep. I didn't feel the exhaustion though, I was too preoccupied with the terrible nervous feeling. It laid in the pit of my stomach and made feel feel like I could hurl.

Later that day, I burst into tears in my dorm room when my parents and Dorian were about ready to leave. I had already bawled that morning when I had to say goodbye to Kibble, Mr. Turdz, Beanie, and the rest of the cats. I actually went outside during feeding time for the cats and kissed them all. Everyone but the new baby kittens were there. Even Stoned Kitty, which is more commonly known as Rags.

Looking back now, I was crying, but I couldn't cry any tears, and I wondered what was going on. I think I had sweated out so much that I couldn't conjure any tears. After that, it rained and I was caught out in it, but I didn't mind. The rain, cheesily enough, washed away some of my fears and worries. I just felt better after it. Maybe because my poor, dehydrated skin was soaking in water.

After that, there were activities, and man, I'm not one for activities, but these weren't so bad. I went to this thing called 'Play Fair' and the entire freshmen class had a rock, paper, scissors battle, and only one of us was left standing. It was pretty incredible, because the remaining people were hoisted up onto other people's shoulders and everyone was chanting different names and cheering while huddling in a huge mass to see who would win.

Anyway, as I laid in my bed last night and looked up at the glow-in-the-dark star stickers someone had so thoughtfully sprinkled all over our ceiling, I pulled up my blanket, breathed it in deeply, and fell asleep.

I woke up this morning at nine and HERE I AM. I lived through the first day, but now...this is my first full day. How will I eat?

But the good thing is...the bathroom has a SHOWER TUB. I was really worried about showering because I have a shower tub at my house, and that's what I'm used to and know how to work with. I don't get how people shave in those cubicle showers. It just doesn't work. (I hated allstate camp because of that. Thank goodness I didn't go to Wartburg.)

Okay, before I forget, Carissa and Kylan visited this week and that was fun, even though I spent most of the time in my room. We ate out and erghh, healthy food, but it was all good. Yeah. They made us food. I liked the Canadian dessert.

Also, because I promised Carissa.

Carissa. Carissa. Carissa. Carissa. Carissa. Carissa. Carissa. Carissa. Carissa.

You know, now that I think of it, that's a really badass name.

Carissa. Carissa. Carissa. Carissa. Carissa. Carissa. Carissa. Carissa. Carissaaaaaaaa.

Have a great week.

@anti2ben is my hero. A giant spider appeared in the sink, so she cut it to bits with a pizza cutter.

2011-08-28T14:00:00.001-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? Six days left till the Ultimate Terror. Ready? Here we go.

What can I say about this week? It's hard to

think. I'm done babysitting and I went to the zoo and Adventureland with Dani, Shelbie, and Spencer. It was what we called our 'Last Hurrah'. The next time I type this to you, I will be in college. Who knows what I'm going to say next week? Well, come to think of it...probably something along the lines of 'I'm mentally pissing myself' and 'I am the most socially awkward person to exist'.

For now, I have a week left. And then those days will go by quickly. This sort of thought is what I always have. Every year, oh, it's June, I have the entire summer, oh, it's July, I have August, oh, August, I have three weeks. Then I always wish I had more time, and then when it runs out, I think, what I would give to go back to three weeks ago. I had so much time then. I hate the stopwatch of life. It's merciless, and I always score badly.

Too rushed, too slow. There isn't any perfect time, it just keeps moving on. And like a chapter in the Bible that I happened to open to today 'life is useless'. I giggled over the title, and kept reading. It was all about how you do all this stuff with your life, and then you die, and it's all put to waste because no one will remember how wise or how foolish you were. The Philosopher said it was useless and like chasing a wind.

This week, I'll have to think of what I'm bringing to college. Yeah, I already have the necessary supplies like shampoo etc., but now I have to think of clothes etc. I know for sure I'm bringing my stuffed pikachu to college. I'm debating on my rocket ship pillow... I just don't know. I literally have to pick up and move my life this week. So much change, so little time, so little time left. Every day this week I'll think...well, if only it was yesterday, till I'm at Friday and quaking in my shoes. Then it'll be one day left. One day.

How can I do this?

Oh, the Philosopher also said, "The wiser you are, the more you worry." There's just no way to win.

But, anyway, Carissa is coming late tomorrow night with Ky. I'm excited for the whole visit. Dorian won't be able to see much of them because she started school this week. (Crazy. I definitely feel left out and left behind.)

Well, I want to say that I had a good summer. Even with all the work, I really enjoyed it. I can't believe it went so fast, but then again, doesn't it always?

Oh yes, Smitty had kittens this week. I won't be able to watch them grow up. It's amazing how I've come to take small things like that for granted. Kittens, food in the fridge... damn. I have to start functioning by myself now. Well, not completely alone, but still.

Adventureland and the zoo were awesome. I personally love zoos, (bite me, PEDA), and I love taking pictures of animals.

Oh, and I didn't go on any of the spinny rides at Adventureland, so I didn't throw up. I just did the rollar coasters, then we went to the waterpark. Super fun.

What can I do. What can I do. What can I do.

Six days left.

Six days.

Six.

Six to five to four to three to two to one to Ultimate Terror.

Have a great week.

MY PILLOW PET COMES TOMORROW. I CAN FINALLY BE HAPPY.

2011-08-21T17:05:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? One week and six days left till I head off to the Ultimate Terror. Ready? Here we go.

I've been counting down mentally in my head till the Ultimate Terror. Every day this week, I've wished for the day to speed up so I could get home from babysitting, then I realized that if I wished for that, there would be less time till the Ultimate Terror. So, I'm stuck. I can't wish for it to go faster, and I can't wish for it to go slower. It's a good thing time doesn't listen to me.

Honestly, where does the summer go? I'm still sighing over Europe and wishing to go back. I can feel it in my chest, this deep ache. I want to wander around the shores of Normandy again. I want to be in a foreign country, surrounded by irritating Europeans with a handfull of friends and a ton more drunks. While I was there, I was homesick for America, but now that I'm back, I'm ready for another trip.

I want the summer to rewind itself.

But since that's impossible, I have to buck up and try to get on with things. We bought all of my college supplies this Saturday, so I feel like I'm prepared physically, but mentally? I'm going to miss this place, and most of all, the people. (And my cat. Beanie counts as a person.) I know I'll meet great people at college, but... Ergh. I just have to settle in. Then I can do it. I know I can. And if I don't? Mom and Dad say that I won't be a disappoint or anything if Knox turns out to be wrong for me. I can always come home. It's a relief to have a strong support system, truly it is.

I only have two days left of babysitting before Jace goes off to school and Teague goes ...somewhere else? Yeah. I believe he's going to another babysitter's, because I need to start getting ready for things. It's been trying, but it's also been fun. Kids crack me up, and they also irritate the bejeezus out of me.

This week, Teague drew a picture and I asked him what it was. He responded, "It's a man sucking out your soul." I sort of just stared at him. Honestly, what? Little things like that make it all worthwhile. (But seriously, what?)

Also, have you eaten any popsicles lately? I ate one this week and the joke was "What did Mr. and Mrs. Steak name their son?"

...

"Chuck."

...

I still don't get it.

Can someone explain it to me? Was that the joke? That it wasn't supposed to BE clever? Or punny? Just...chuck. Yeah.

Oh, yes. I got my orientation schedule for the Ultimate Terror and I had this whole WHAT AM I GOING TO DO fifteen minutes or so. I also started to research the choirs, because hey, I want to be okay, but I don't want to do too much, because it's going to be difficult enough. I looked into Woman's Chorale, which apparently you don't need to audition for, then the Knox Choir and Chamber Choir that you DO have to audition for, along with some other choirs.

I dunno...

Once upon a time, I would have been all, SIGN ME UP FOR EVERYTHING. But high school really does a good job at burning you out. Especially when you're forced to do things you don't want to do, like different Jazz choir clinics. Oh yeah, and when you don't make allstate and your hopes and dreams are completely crushed and your confidence is smashed by a rock, then blown up with dynamite placed by miners. If I didn't have a scholarship, I don't know if I would even TRY to be involved. I want to be in the anime club, and I want to have time to study and mess around. I don't want to be involved in an extremely serious choir, surrounded by obsessed people. Yeah, believe me, there's nothing worse than someone being obsessed with drama and music. Like, video games? That's fine. They tend to not bitch you out when you're having fun. But drama and music? Man. Everyone is just so high strung. It's tiring to be around people like that.

I'm not saying I had that in high school, because I really loved most of the people in the choir. It's usually just a few individuals that ask TOO much. And if you're doing it in college, you've gotta be obsessed. Ergh. I like singing, really, but I don't like when it becomes a chore.

How am I dealing with my stress? Puzzle Pirates.

Enough said.

Have a great week.

Dear young self, you're going to contract the bird flu if you keep playing with that dead bird.

2011-08-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I think I'm going to change the layout again. My eyes look too dead in that picture. We'll see when I get around to it. Ready? Here we go.

Ashley moves to college in three days. I just got back from our annual end of summer campout. However, this campout has the ghost of other connotations. We're all going off to college. Will this be our last campout together? I'd like to think that it's not. However, I may just be naive. (Though I trust our friendships.) It's just ...sad. I've never gone a school year without Ashley, and I can't even remember the school years before Dani all that well. To think we'll be separated for months at a time is foreign, and strange. I have to put faith in the strong bonds we made and trust in them. (Damn, that sounds like an anime. Naruto is all about 'bonds' and 'friendship'.) Though, I think in this case, anime references are spot on. The bonds we created won't break. They'll still be there. Connecting us.

And if all does separate? We'll have the bonds of our memories. As cheesy as that sounds, it's impossible to forget roaming through the woods, late nights, and mustache parties. No matter where we go, or who we'll be, we'll have those shared memories. And that'll connect us even when the world and our lives push us in different directions.

You don't have to forget, you just have to learn to cope.

That reminds me of Snug. Yeah, remember Snug? She died last summer, but thinking about her still makes my eyes sting.

Too many goodbyes.

But, but, I want to try to be more cheerful, even though whenever I type this, I tend to be moody and thoughtful. Sundays just have that effect on me. No one is really doing anything and it's a good time to reflect on the week and your future.

Speaking of my future, I'm not sure what I want anymore. I don't need a big house or anything like the one I grew up in. I wouldn't mind having a normal, middle class job. I don't need to make tons of money, and I don't need to stand out far above the rest. I used to think that a life of obscurity was poison for me. I wanted to be known. Be a big shot author, just be a plain old big shot. But now? I don't mind living in a small town and happily going through my days as a normal person with normal tribulations. I wouldn't mind going to see my kid's school events and participating in local activities. I don't need anything big anymore, because I'm satisfied with what I have. I think I'm too old for myself.
Maybe college will bring out the adventurous, must do this side to me again. Because right now? I'm feeling very domestic. I feel like I would like to be a librarian in a school library. I would deal with books, help with computers, teach classes... Also, I would be around youth and I could enjoy their energy and watch them as they grow.

I SOUND OLD WHEN I TALK LIKE THAT.

But I really wouldn't mind that! I love the energy of the high school, even though everyone wants to still be sleeping.

I want to grow old and tell my grandkids what things were like when I was growing up.

Okay, okay, I guess this is what I have come to: My American Dream, if I can fulfill it (that is if the other countries don't team up and blast us to smithereens) is that I want to get married, have kids and a decent house with plenty of cats. Then I want to grow old like MY grandparents and sit out on my porch while my grandkids play in the yard.
And if it's possible in the future: I would like a flying car. (Couldn't resist.)

In the end, I want a long happy life, and to do that nowadays, I have to go to college. So, I will go, and I will try to live up to the expectations everyone has set for me. I will try to forge my own path and create my life the way I want it to be. I may change my mind a thousand times, but I will keep going, because I know that in the end, I grew up in a small town with a loving family and incredible friends. Everyone I know helped create the base on which I will build my life. No matter where I end up, and no matter what I do, I will strive to be happy.

Even if the apocalypse comes and/or WW3 occurs, I will try to live the best I can.

And I will have no regrets.

But right now, I would like to thank Dani and Ashley for being my friends even after all these years. We've had a hell of a run, so let's keep going. I'm not going to say goodbye to something that's already perfectly flawed and wonderful. Sure, we have our issues and spats, but in the end, we're gold.

It's going to be tough without you, but I look forward to our breaks from school together and I look forward to next year's campout, because you better believe we're going to have one.

I love you guys so much.

I can do this. I know I'm being sad and depressing lately, but it really makes me feel much better to type this all out. I'm reflecting and organizing on what I want, and it calms me down.

Also, Todd's in California (damn him). I want him to get back already, but noooo. He has to stay a couple days longer to chill with his grandma. (D'awww.) Don't get hit by another car.

Have a great week.

40,000 kittens born everyday in the U.S.

2011-08-07T16:47:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I go back to work tomorrow. It was so nice having the week off. Ready? Here we go.

So, I always used to think Dorian was joking when she said Kibble liked no one but me, but uh, I guess she was serious. Kibble only grudgingly sat on Dorian's shoulder, and when Dorian moved her head, she hissed at her. This is a small problem, since Dorian will be taking care of Kibble while I'm in college. We may move Kibble into Dorian's room while I'm away, that way she won't be too lonely. Mr. Turdz...well, I think he can handle it. I'll miss him, but indeed, he is a turtle, and I don't know if they need as much attention as cockatiels. Well, we'll see. I just can't imagine my room being so empty. I've been cleaning it, so right now, it looks pretty desolate.

Ah, I just felt a twinge in my chest at the idea of my room being empty. The way the shadows stretch across the floor, and how everything is a tinge of gray from the window. It's a big space, and I've tried to clutter it up so it feels welcoming, but well, without me in it, I don't know how it'll feel. Kyle's room always felt dark and Ryan's was unfamiliar. But mine? I don't know. It's going to be empty. And desolate.

It's painful to think of Beanie sitting on my bed, looking out the window like he likes to do, alone.

When the evening comes like this, that's when the room gets really quiet. The main attraction is the gold glow on the grass.

What am I going to do?

I'm getting college jitters, and it's just. Hm. I almost wish I could just skip over that part of life, get an apartment, and keep my darlings close to me.

I don't want to leave everything behind. I've been cleaning and organizing, trying to get back a semblance of control. I've been desperately trying to sever ties from the past by throwing out old junk that I've collected over the years. It's not working. Even though the room is a bit less crowded than before, and the carpet is empty of piles and my art table, it's still my room.

I guess the most painful part of trying to move on and face life is trying to do away with everything that connects me to this place. I'm trying to make my room into someone else's. Someone who cleans, and leaves it empty of clutter. I've cleaned up the piles, but I still have the top of my desk and my dressers to deal with.

It's not just me though, Ryan is doing away with his things as well, as he is moving to Chicago to start his new job on Tuesday. Kyle is moving to Colorado for his job. We're all getting rid of things, and trying to deal with the fact that we will never live here full time again. And if we do, it'll be radically different.

I'm not fit to move on though, because I've just found something that really makes me want to stay. I'm also convinced that I've already found my best friends for life. I know that we'll remain friends, though Dani thinks I'm going to forget her. But I refuse! I may be doing away with my high school life, but in the preparation for the future, I'm taking with me my friendships among other things. I can't forget. I won't forget. That's just not like me. My mind is a sponge, I can remember virtually anything if I put my mind to it.

What I'm trying to say, is that I've got something good in Fairfield, I've got something good in the way of friendships. Why would I do away with that gold? I said I was throwing out junk, not precious people. However, I'm not sure if I will end up in Fairfield. I mean, I love Iowa, and I love this town. But I can see myself moving out somewhere else, because I don't know where my future endeavors will take me. I don't want to tie down myself, no matter how much I love this place. I can almost see myself living on the coast someday. I will always be a cornfields, midwest sort of girl, but I'm not going to limit myself.

I can't really organize my thoughts properly, mostly because the font is pretty small on this page, and I'm too lazy to change it.

Either way, I want you to know that I've been cleaning my room, and I did away with my 18 empty containers of turtle food and my plastic pop bottle cap collection. I was going to make a recyclable city. Not anymore.

Man.

I've been having a lot of fun.

Stalking people, talking, watching TV. So much fun.

Yes, if you haven't seen it, I HIGHLY suggest watching Teen Wolf. It's HILARIOUS. But you have to have someone to watch it with you! That's the way to make it the best.

Have a great week.

"I bet Tom is her new favorite anonymous creeper. You're old news, brother. But don't worry I love you. Now scoop the cat litter."

2011-07-31T11:47:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I'm chilling upstairs in my new headquarters. Ready? Here we go.

So, my headquarters used to consist of the middle floor computer. I would be plugged in and rearin' to go, but now...now I have a new headquarters. My beautiful new Mac laptop, Sylvester, arrived on Thursday. I've cleared a spot amid the clutter on my desk. I can play music without anyone telling me to turn it off, I can work on Rosetta Stone without anyone making stereotypical 'Asian noise' behind me. Man, it's peaceful. However, it's also kind of lonely in that aspect. I'm not used to how quiet it is.

I know Kibble is loving this, though. She loves talking to me. Oh, and Mr. Turdz is going mad. They love it when I'm in my room. And I'm not just saying this in delusional "my pets looove me" land. No, I'm serious. Dani and I were playing with Mr. Turdz and he crawled out to the middle room, stopped and looked confused. I called, "Mr. Turdz, c'mere!" He turned around and crawled back to me and onto my kneeling legs. Yes. My turtle knows my voice and who I am. It's pretty incredible. I was very impressed. I suppose that's what happens after nine years together. (I got him when he was a baby. Thanks, Carissa. I really do adore my turtle.)

Then later on that day, I let Kibble out to fly around my room and perch on random things. After perching on the divider to my room, what does she do? She flies over to me, lands on my head and stays there. So there I was, just chilling on my laptop with a bird on my head.

Got to love it.

Oh, with the introduction of Sylvester out of the way, I wanted to explain the new background and picture for my blog. So, I had the last picture for about two years. I can't believe its been that long, but yes, two years. Or maybe a year. I dunno. It's been a long time. Two Christmases ago, that's what I'm trying to say. Therefore, it was outdated.

Also, the caption that with it was starting to bother me. I no longer classify myself as just a mental disorder, as I used to be convinced that was all I was. I thought that everything I was was just because of my OCD. So many of my behaviors could be explained away by it. But then I thought, you know, I'm more than that. Though sometimes, I still think that humans are animals to be easily explained. So many seem the same. (I don't believe in that everyone-is-like-a-snowflake scenario.) Even still, I'm so much better than what I used to be, so I put in a new picture, without a caption to go along with it, because hey, I still am an Iowan teenager with cats and OCD, but that's not all I am, and I don't want to make out like that's the case. To put it in the most stereotypical light: I'm trying not to well, stereotype myself.

I put the book template as the background because it went well with the colors in the picture and because of my love of book binding, which, just to let you know, I bound another book this week. Yes, I finally got around to binding my character book. It's so velvety and sooooft.

The picture itself was taken during a photoshoot at Ashley's with Ashley and Dani.

We're planning on having another photoshoot sometime this week. Who knows? I may find a picture I like even better during that.

I'm hoping to get the file for the picture soon so I can make it the full length of the picture box thing. It bothers me when it's not all filled in.

Well.

Have a great week.

What's happening? I'm being taunted by a Neopet addict with pizza.

2011-07-24T15:17:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. I'm tired. Ready? Here we go.

This week was uneventful, really. I don't know what to say about it. It was hot, I guess. (Ha, I guess, freaking heat wave was unbearable.) I also talked to Todd a lot, which was super fun. I can't believe I started talking to him two weeks ago. Crazy business.

I discovered that taking a floatie out into the middle of Waterworks is one of the best way to spend the afternoon. It's very peaceful, and I want to do it more.

GAH! I am tired. It stormed last night and I had dreams about college, so it kept me up.

My mind is in a complete slump. I don't want to draw or do anything. I just want to curl up on the couch and sleep.

Oh, maybe I could rant for a bit, because that seems to be the only thing in my mind currently.

It PISSES me off when people talk about doing this and this and this and this and how it was SO healthy. Damnit. I don't care about your special food, I like to sit around and eat scrambled eggs with hot dogs in it, and chug chocolate milk like there's no tomorrow. I think your silly yoga is lame, and I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to listen to someone talk about how skinny they are. I'm starting to get really irritated with skinny people, it's like, damnit, live for once and eat a chocolate lava cake.

I have a little chub and it's PERFECT. At least I don't look like Mr. Bones.

Not that Mr. Bones has anything wrong with him, he's supposed to look like that, humans aren't.

Unless they're dead, but that's a different matter altogether.

So if you're around me, you'd better eat damnit.

Girls piss me off.

Yeah, I'm sorry, but this week has just been irritating with some of those stupid issues.

I think I might try ordering my laptop soon. I'm going to get a Mac so it doesn't die halfway through college. If I'm going to spend the money, I want it to last.

Oh, I found a pretty good band this week. It's called Wakey! Wakey! It's really weird, but I still recommend it. I didn't think I'd like it when iTunes was all, "Hey, listen to this." But I listened to it, and I was all, "Cool beans, yo." I suggest 'War Sweater'. I enjoy it quite a bit.

Anyhoo. I'm going to get off around now.

Sorry this was so short, but I'm tired and I'm completely burnt out.

Have a great week.

"I don't want that shit where he yells 'Abracadabra' and kills Gandalf."

2011-07-17T14:22:00.001-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? This week was. Um. Interesting. Ready? Here we go.

So, on Thursday I went to Adventureland, and I went on the Shooting Star, the Der Flinger, and the Gallion back to back. Apparently this wasn't a good idea. I've never had a problem with amusement parks before, mostly because I've gone to them ever since I can remember. Every summer we would go at least once, and I've been to several different ones. Pretty much, I know Adventureland like the back of my hand.

After I outgrew the Teacups, the Gallion was my favorite. That is, until I got on medicine and started to experience motion sickness. While I was on the Gallion, I began to notice a feeling that had steadily been increasingly over the past two rides. My head had the dizzy feeling that usually comes along with my medicine when I'm moving, but deep in my core, I felt a terrible twinge. I willed the ride to stop, and while I was trying to get around people who appeared at the moment to be zombies or statues, my stomach grumbled angrily. During that moment, I thought of yelling, "Move, Bitch!" like in White Chicks when the undercover cop who is lactose intolerant ate cheese and was trying to get to the bathroom.

I felt the bubble move up my body and I clasped my hands in front of my mouth and made it to the trashcan a second too late. It was already over my hand and bubbled down into the trash. There went my pepperoni pizza.

Yeah. Sorry for all of that, but I felt like describing this to the utmost detail because I used to be the Queen of Rides. My brother, Ryan, used to think he was pretty great at rides till Arnold's Park and we went on a Tilt-a-Whirl, my favorite at the time, 22 times. After the 22nd time, Ryan broke and threw up into a trashcan. He literally stuck his entire head in it, because it was one of those trashcans with the flap to push your trash through.

Yes. I had a stomach of steel till my medication.

But this fun show didn't stop there. I went to a bathroom and cleaned my hands and face. Then, we went on the Ferris Wheel. Now, Ferris Wheels terrify me because of the heights. I didn't even have time to be afraid because while I was on it, but stomach lurched again and I mumbled, "I'm going to hurl again."

Dani, Ashley, and my Mom looked around and joked that I should throw up over the side, but that would land on people. The Ferris Wheel finally ended, and I went to the bathroom as fast as I could, but found once I was there, I didn't have to hurl, my stomach just hurt. Then we walked over to the log ride, also one of my favorites. I hadn't stood in the line for two minutes before I had that impulse to say, "Move, bitch!"

I walked, then started running to the nearest trashcan, but unfortunately it was one of those flap types, and I couldn't make it. It bubbled over my hand and actually GEYSERED at the trashcan, smacking it solidly, and I stuck my head in for the last bits of my lunch to come up. Behind me I heard, "Oh gross", and "poor girl".

Yes. That was my excellent adventure. That's never happened to me, and really, as Dani said, "It's just like the movies!" I guess I can cross that off my bucket list? Yeah? Anyway. I laid on a bench for awhile and grumbled at the world as a juggler started to perform in front of me. After awhile, I was able to go on the log ride and bumper cars, but that was about it.

Also, this week, I met an amazing person, but the whole start of it was so...strange. It's been a week now since I've started to talk then, and since then I've discovered who he is and his whole story, and really, he's reaaaaally fun.

Oh yes, we both know how to form coherent sentences, we were just making fun of his trumpet face, which I rather enjoy.

Anyway.

There's a horrible heat wave this week, and I don't know what I'm going to do for babysitting. The boys love to go outside everyday for hours, but if it's hot, we're going to have to be cooped up inside, because otherwise, it's dangerous.

We'll see how this goes over.

Have a great week.

Life seems very uneventful when you aren't wandering Europe day and night...

2011-07-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I'm back. Ready? Here we go.

After two weeks, it's hard to know where to begin and when to stop. This could easily be a massive blogpost that'll take years to plow through. Naah. I was thinking, what if I split up the different countries? You know. One blog post for each country? But then, I dunno, I'm going to do an overview, and I'll probably end up drawing on each country at a time.

One thing I want to say: I love America and its free toilets. Seriously. Europe is ridiculous when it comes to using the bathroom. All of the flushers are different, and really, you shouldn't have to use any brain power when trying to flush a toilet. Also, there were toilets that refused to flush if you only flushed them once. It's like...I had to warm them up or something with the first flush.

In the UK, France, and Belgium, the toilets weren't so bad, other than having crazy flushers. In Germany, you had to pay half a Euro, which is like $.75 over here. Sometimes, it was even a whole Euro. Absolutely ridiculous. At least they had a unified (annoying) flusher.

This toilet was in the first hotel. It took aro

und five flushes to get it to flush. Ridiculous.

And there's this thing with showers. They all come unattached, so you have to hold them to wash off. All I want to do is stand under the faucet. I don't want to wave my arms around my head and spray water everywhere.

This faucet kept turning to the side, so I had to keep moving it. Very irritating.

You know what else was irritating? Dealing with adapters. It's amazing being able to come to the U.S. and be able to plug appliances in. Why can't the world have unified electricity and the same toilet model? Of course, this is nothing like the toilets in China, which are literally just holes in the ground. My parents have pictures.

Anyway, back to the trip. London was very ...well, at the time I was all, BIG CITIES,

BAAAAH. Later on, I would come to realize how much I really enjoyed London. This is mostly because at least I could understand the people there. The architecture in London is gorgeous, really, it is.

That picture was taken from the London Eye. Okay, I know it's a landmark and has a lot of prestige and all that crap, but ferris wheels scare me like no other.

It didn't help that it was cloudy and sinister out that day.

Honestly. Supposedly it's not a ferris wheel because of the position of the ...erm, the things that hold the people, whatever they're called. But really, if you ask me, it looks like a ferris wheel.

Anyway, enough with the Eye.

After London and a whole lot of walking tours, we went on a night ferry to France. Now, the ferry was really fun, except the rooms were way too small. We had four of us to a room, and really, the rooms were about the size of my bathroom.

The waves lulled me to sleep. It was very pleasant.

The next morning, we were up at 4:30 am, and were off the ferry at around... six? Yeah. Something like that. We only got about five hours of sleep, if not less, because we didn't get to board the ferry until 11:30 pm, and then of course, we wanted to go up to the deck and sing songs from Titanic. Apparently, some French kids had the same idea, because we heard 'My Heart Will Go On' in French.

After leaving the ship, we wandered around the castle ruins in Caen. This was probably my favorite day out of the entire trip. After playing around in Caen, we went to a harbor that the

British made in WW2.

The coolest thing was that parts of it were still there.

This beach was probably my favorite part of the trip. We wandered around it and splashed around on the shore.

We also went to an American Cemetery. Before I delve into that, let me tell you, I don't think I will be able to tolerate anyone saying "I hate America" if they're American and they live in the country. Going to these cemeteries, well, it's very emotional, and you really learn and appreciate the sacrifices that were made so you could speak freely and share your opinion about our country.

When I went to the two different American cemeteries we visited in Europe, I remembered everything my grandpa told me before I left: about his brother who was lost in the war. Joseph Lamansky was my grandpa's older brother and hero. He died when his B17 was shot down. He was the navigator.

Everyone should go on a tour like this. Ever

yone. Because the youth of today don't know about the sacrifices that were made. They see pictures and books, and it isn't real to them. Just like it wasn't real to me, that is, until I went and saw with my own eyes the rows and rows of crosses.

Also.

Americans aren't looked upon kindly abroad. Especially in Paris. The majority of the people in Paris are extreme, pardon me, bitches.

We went to a Subway in Paris, and yes, we could tell that the workers there were making fun of us, because yes, we do speak some French, and yes, we can hear when you say 'Americaine'.

Once upon a time, in WW2, all Allied forces were welcomed as liberators. Now, we're looked upon as idiots. Well, let me tell you how I look upon Paris. It's a dirty, dangerous city full of rude people. Harsh. Yeah. I know. There were a few nice people there, but the majority just gaaah! It makes me angry to think about it. I'm a person, you know? I come from the midwest where we look at people as people. We're friendly here. I'm not used to being treated like shit, and I think it's ridiculous that they would judge me merely because I am an American.

Why the hell do you hate my country so much?

You think we're stupid? Yes? Well, you can drive two hours in one direction and arrive in another country, we drive two hours and we get to another state that's only marginally different than the one we come from. We don't have the same exposure you do, but that doesn't make us stupid or less than a person.

I'm proud to be an American, okay?

I love the spirit of America, and I love being able to find Americans abroad and cheering with them.

Speaking of cheering, I love drunk Europeans. We'd walk around, and someone would be drunk. S'great. While we were in London, I believe, we were walking to St. Peter and this drunk European guy saw us and yelled, "AMERICANS! WHOOOOOOOO." and we all cheered back.

Europeans are much friendlier when drunk.

The same thing happened in Germany. Some lady was being rude or something, I don't know the whole story, so some kids bought her a few drinks and at the end of the night, she was hugging and kissing them saying, "I love Americans."

I have to say, we're definitely a target abroad. Spencer was stopped several times and asked for cigarettes and gypsies tried to scam us, but hey, we had Hansen with us, and she wouldn't take crap from gypsies. I was very careful and I wasn't pick-pocketed or anything. (Though I believe some kids from the other group were, because they were idiots.)

Oh, let me talk about the other group.

There were two other school groups with us, and they were from Kansas. Now, they hadn't taken any classes like we had, and they seemed to think this was going to be like Euro Trip, or whatever that stupid movie is. They partied every night, threw up, and peed in bushes. Four boys snuck off in Paris, and were eventually sent home. We called two of them, pretty much the kings of all douchebags, Mario and Hands Down His Pants. Mario was this gross, nasty ewwww. He had curly hair and a gross mustaches. He always wore a baseball cap and thought he was the shit. Hands Down His Pants well...always had his hands down his pants. They were rude, interrupted the tour guide with their loud talking, and just generally annoyed the piss out of the Fairfield kids.

Their chaperones were the worst though. The dudes were absolute dickheads, and they partied with their students! EW. They got drunk and one of them even said, "Heil Hitler!". Thank god it was really loud in the German pub, and no one but the table over, us Fairfielders, heard him. He could have been arrested, the dumbshit. It's illegal to say that or deny the Holocaust in Germany.

Oh, speaking of that, I found it fascinating that one of our tour guides told us that the Germans did away with the draft. He was pointing out an advertisement for the army. He told us that they need 60,000 recruits or something, and this year they only had 5,000. He explained that no one wants to join the military after WW2, because it isn't a thing of honor like it is in America. We see a soldier in uniform and it's like, hey, respect. You know? But the uniform in Germany isn't something respectable after WW2.

I don't know, I just found that fascinating.

I completely wandered off my original plan, but oh well.

I really liked Belgium.

The moment we stepped off the bus, our tour guide, this old man whose father was shot by the Nazis, told us, "You will see that we have many American flags in this town. It's because we like Americans here. You are welcome here." After being in Paris and subjected to all forms of rudeness, it was a relief to feel safe and welcome.

Later on, we went to an American cemetery, and the guy that worked there told us that Belgiums have this thing called 'adopt a grave'. They adopt the grave of an American soldier and take care of it, leave flowers, and communicate with the American family overseas. All of the spots in the cemetery we were at had been taken, all 5,000 something and that they've started to look for other cemeteries to adopt from. He told us that the graves are now passed down through families as a sort of inheritance. Yes, it means that much to them. He also told us that on Memorial Day, there are more Belgium people at the cemetery than Americans. I was...it's hard to say. I loved how welcome the Belgium people made me feel.

I'm an American. It's not some sort of disease. It's not something bad.

It's something to be proud of.

It's something that people died for.

"I'm American, where at least I know I'm free, and I won't forget the men who died that gave that right to me."

It's not just a song lyric from grade school. It's real.

I have never been this nationalistic before I went. I had been starting to realize how much I love America before I went, but now...I firmly realize that I am American and that I love being American. I'm proud of where I come from.

When we got back, we were all very bummed that we missed the Fourth of July, so we threw our own party to celebrate our country.

Go America.

Oh yeah, Edna biked around Munich in her underwear.

I'll let you think about that.

Have a great week.

I'm a little worried about you two eloping.

2011-06-19T12:20:00.001-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? You won't be hearing from me for two weeks. Ready? Here we go.

I'll be leaving this Wednesday for Europe. Gah,

it came so fast! However, I'm excited, so it's all good. However, this means that I won't be blogging for the next two Sundays. Also, it means that I won't be able to update my twitter for two weeks. Or watch any anime. What am I going to do with myself? Ah, well. You know what I also realized? I'll come back and Caviar and Ravioli will probably be huge.

I'll also come back to several episodes of anime, so that's not so bad, but...this week's episode of Sekaiichi Hatsukoi was so EXCITING. I want to see what happens next. Badly.

Oh, I cut all of my hair off this week.

I didn't want to deal with it while in Europe, and just...I was sick of it. Long hair is pretty and can be fun, but all I was doing was pulling it into a ponytail day after day. At that point, you know it's time to chop it off.

So...I started babysitting this week. Jace and Teague are fun and all, but they have their moments that are less than savory. These moments are the moments that really tire me out. But, oh well. I want to make their summer enjoyable, even if it is tiring.

It's funny how something as simple as babysitting (it's actually not simple at ALL. Ever tried to make a little kid eat all of their food? It's IMPOSSIBLE.) can make you learn more about yourself. I've learned that I only have patience in the beginning of the week, and I scratch my head more in the afternoon when I'm tired.

Oh, another insight that happened this week: I've learned that I'm CLOUD.

Cloud.

Okay.

Let me explain.

So in Katekyo Hitman Reborn there are different 'flames' that represent different things:

Mist, Rain, Storm, Sky, Cloud, Sun, and Lightning.

These all go with personalities.

Rain is the soothing rain that washes away. Very calm.

Cloud is aloof and impossible to tie down.

Sun is bright and energetic and stuff like that.

Sky encompasses all. You get the drift?

So Dani and I were joking around and wondering what flame class we belonged to. Dani is Storm, because Storm is the center of every attack, relentless. She's very out there and ready to share her opinion about stuff without fear.

I thought I was rain, because hey, I'm calm among other things. But it's a calm that's supposed to resolve conflict, and heeeey. Yeah. This is why I wear Yamamoto's rain ring. Teehee.

After arguing it over, Dani and I concluded that I'm not Rain, and that Natasha is rain because she mediated our argument.

My next thought was, "Cloud." But I didn't voice it, instead I asked what I was. Dani replied with, "Cloud."

Ha.

It's very true.

I'm typically very aloof and I don't like hanging out with people very much. I'm most content on days like this where I'm all alone, entertaining myself.

I know I like to be alone, and that makes me wonder what I'm going to do in the future. I still wonder if I'll ever get married or anything like that. I just can't be around people too much or I get really irritated. Every so often is fine and good, but if I were to do it everyday, I would want to collapse and hide in a corner.

But anyway, enough of references you probably won't understand.

I'm going to be gone for two weeks, so I'll talk to you in two weeks time. I'm very excited for this trip. It's going to be badass. I'm probably going to get deported along with Spencer, Shelbie, and Edna.

WHOOOOT.

SEE YOU LATER.

Have a great week.

Dear god broccoli.

2011-06-12T17:54:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I start babysitting tomorrow. Ready? Here we go.

Several weeks ago, I tripped up the stairs and landed hard on my left knee. Its been aching ever since. This week, a baby red-headed woodpecker flew into our sliding glass door. What do these two things have to do with each other? Well, I went out to rescue the bird, because I'm soft, and while walking up the stairs of the porch, guess what.

Seriously.

Guess.

I tripped up the stairs again and landed hard on my left knee.

Ow. That hurt.

Later, I was sitting on the computer and I happened to look down at my knee. I of course squealed in fear. My knee was CRAZY LOOKING. You know the mountain in the Grinch movie? Kind of reminded me of that. I went over to my dad immediately (yay for doctors) and he told me after examining it that it was a fluid sac. We apparently have them all over our body and they help things move smoothly bla bla bla.

Well, I iced it, but it still hurts. (I have a lovely bruise on it because I keep hitting my knee on things.) I climbed into the car, BOOM. I jumped onto my bed, OW. It's ridiculous. At my job painting backdrops, I had to be especially careful when kneeling on the ground. Ridiculous. I never knew that my left knee was the knee I leaned on and the knee I always put first when crawling onto something (like my bed). I can't wait till it's all healed up. It better be soon.

I finished Reborn this week. It's quite the anime series. If you like anime, I suggest watching it.

Whenever I finish something like that, I feel a profound loss after it's done. Sure, I can go back and watch it again, but I know that in most likelihood I won't. There's only one anime I've watched over, and that's Junjou Romantica, and I've seen it three times.

We took Biscotti and Creme to the farm this week. No matter what we do, sometimes kittens are just feral. Those two were extremely bitchy and could not be tamed by a normal person. I, of course, am I special case when it comes to cats.

Haha, when I say that, I mean that I'm the only one that can catch them. They don't necessarily like me. They just expect me to be a cat like everyone else. I crawled under the grill and sat there for awhile watching them with the other cats. When I made my move, it was like LIGHTNING. Actually, it was clumsy and slow for a cat, but they weren't expecting it.

Caviar is a real sweetheart, so we're keeping him, but Biscotti and Creme will be wild mousers. They'll probably like it better over there. Human contact is minimum unless you're a nice cat and seek people. My uncle has a soft spot for cats, or at least I've heard from people. We've given him all sorts of cats before, mean ones and nice. The nice ones always stick around and do well, and they really enjoy them.

I think the real reason Biscotti and Creme were angry kittens was because they were female and hadn't gotten knocked up yet. Ever notice that male cats are typically nicer? The females we have right now, Smitty and Tango, used to be shy until they had kittens. Kittens just seem to mellow them out.

Oh yes, speaking of Tango, look at her first baby!

This is Ravioli, and he's an absolute sweetheart. He's not afraid, and he comes crawling right up to you.

I know people are all "SPAY AND NEUTER NOOOW", but I'm very suspicious of it. I've told Carissa my theory, and she thinks it's amusing.

You know evolution of course, and natural selection. Well, niceness seems to be a trait for cats. It's like dogs, they bred the nicer ones till we have the dogs we have today. If we keep spaying and neutering the nice animals, won't we just end up with feral cats that keep breeding more feral cats? Also, my cats are beautiful. Really, they are. I want their genetic legacy, as I like to put it, to spread.

I told my mother, "Please don't spay Tango!" (We neutered Flamingo, because my mom was afraid he'd run away since he was male, but if you ask me, he's a bit too stupid to do that sort of thing. He's super friendly and would never leave, but we neutered him anyway. Rags, our tomcat, constantly hangs around. He hasn't disappeared and he's nearly two, I believe.) But anyway, I didn't want her to spay Tango because Tango is Snug's kitten. One of three. The first one we gave away to the farm, and then there's Flamingo and Tango. If we spayed Tango then my beloved Snug's genetics are gone. That's the only true way to kill off someone or something. Take away the traits that made them, and you've completely obliterated them.

What Ravioli carries in him now is my sweet Tango, and my beloved Snug (I still miss her). He carries memories as well as a physical reminder of who and what they are.

Anyway, call me crazy, because I probably am, but that's what I believe.

It would break my heart to see Tango spayed.

It makes me sad to think that Beanie never had kittens for those exact reasons. However, I believe he's Rags half-brother, since Rags is a maine coon too, and we only have one tomcat maine coon in the neighborhood that could have fathered them. Therefore, there are some similar traits, but Beanie's mother comes from an entirely different gene pool of pre-Smores kittens. Her name was Hermy, and she was a black cat.

After Smores (Smores was Snug's mother, so through that we have a continuation of Smores) we had all sorts of kittens, but some of the same fathers. Still, Smores came from Decorah, IA, so she carried all sorts of different cats in her.

Uhhh.

I'm going to stop now.

I just realized that I'm delving deep into Larson cat history, and I really should stop. My mother doesn't understand how I can remember all of this, but I can, it's pretty easy.

Smores had Smitty and Snug in the same litter along with another cat that we gave away to the farm. Smores first litter contained B.C. who may or may not been Rag's mother, since Smores and B.C. shared kittens a lot. Smitty had kittens we gave away. Snug had Flamingo and Tango. Tango had Ravioli, who was fathered by Rags.

I understand cat behavior somethin' fierce. That's what I get for studying them and spending so much time with them.

I guess I really am obsessed.

Have a great week.

My daily lunch break consists of chef boyardee and neopets.

2011-06-05T16:15:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I'm tired. Ready? Here we go.

We put Ellie to sleep on Tuesday.

For those of you who don't know,

Ellie was our black lab. We had her for thirteen years. We got her from my former elementary school principal. He trained her, then gave her to us. She was a very sweet, but very small black lab. Whenever I see other people's black labs, like Ashley's black labs, since I see those the most, I always feel like they aren't actually black labs. I'm so used to Ellie's stature and her appearance, that they just appear foreign. (I love your dogs, Ashley. No worries. It's just that I've, um, I mean, had Ellie for so long.)

She was a bit scruffy, but immensely adorable. Her coat was rougher than Ashley's labs, and she had more of a barrel body, than the stream-lined look I've seen other labs have.

I know we had to put her down. She lost her hearing and her sight. She just wasn't there, you know? We made the decision after Kyle had to carry her back into her kennel. Her legs were so frail...

I wasn't there when we put her down. I was at work, and... I don't know. It was... It was. I.

It's strange.

I graduated and slowly chunks of my childhood are disappearing or being finished in hope for the new chapter ahead.

My dog that I've had since Kindergarten died.

The other major thing? My character book is finished. Yeah. I finished it.

Let me explain this.

For those of you that haven't read: I've had a story going on in my head for as long as I can remember. I began recording my characters in a book during my...sophomore? Yes. Sophomore year of high school. I finished it earlier this week. I wrote the last name in it, rocked back on my heels, and stared at it in my hands. I slowly ran my hands over the cover then reached out hesitantly and placed it back on the headboard of my bed.

I have thousands, and I'm dead serious when I say this, thousands of characters. They're all part of a-well, damn, it would take too long to explain.

I went and grabbed my unfinished book and started writing in that. Yes, just like my future, my characters stop for no one. I haven't put a cover on it yet, so I just have the bare signatures (groups of paper) stitched together and waiting to be finished.

It works well enough, but I don't know when I'll put a cover on it. I have some ideas, but I'm not sure. I'll be taking this book everywhere with me, and it contains one of the most precious things in my life. Also, seeing as how many signatures have been bound together, it'll probably last me for several years. What I'm trying to say is that it has to look good.

Oh yes, I've been wanting to tell you all: I HAVE A JOB.

I know, right? Crazy. Me. A job.

Taco John's never contacted me (oh well), but the Hannes family is employing me this summer. I've been painting backdrops in Josie's studio for the past two weeks with Dani. (Is that cool or what?) When we're done with that, I'm going to be babysitting the boys and scraping and painting the house.

Dani asked me if I felt overwhelmed. I responded, "I do nothing with my summers and I've been wanting a job. This is AWESOME."

Oh yes! Less than twenty days till the Europe trip and I'm getting a new camera! It's a Nikon, so I'm a little unsure since I've always used Canon, but it looks to be a good step-up from the Powershot I've been using. I love my little Canon, but I have to face it: my partner in crime (oh, that was horribly cheesy) is dying and is struggling to focus. I can't get the excellent macro close-ups anymore and my cat pictures are suffering. (My main subject of happiness.)

Heh. When you think of it, that's something else I'm saying goodbye to. My camera. My little blue powershot that has accompanied me EVERYWHERE.

We've had some good times.

Just like so many other things.

I just have to say goodbye.

Have a great week.

To get myself through the next few days, I put a motivational poster of sorts on my wall stating "YOU CAN DO THIS." I feel like a teacher.

2011-05-29T19:43:00.001-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I graduated today. Yeah, I know. Ready? Here we go.

The feel of leather underneath my fingers, the rev of the engine in my ears, I shifted into reverse and backed out of my grandparent's driveway. I pulled out into the street, put my feet on the brakes, and shifted into drive. I punched the gas and drove away with a loud squeal. (My aunt had suggested that I squeal it AT LEAST once.) After that, I cruised through town and relished the shocked looks I got. My windows were down, and the music was pumpin'. Dorian danced in the passenger seat and laughed loudly at the sights around us. I drove back and parked, then hopped out.

I looked back and sighed, "I wish I could have gone to my friend's houses and showed them."

My aunt and uncle looked at me and said, "Go for it."

I happily jumped back in and drove to Dani's house. I got out and went into the Hannes's house and said, "Hey, Dani. Come out here."

I held my hand over her eyes and directed her outside. "Did you get a car? You got a car, didn't you? I saw a mirror."

I pulled back my hand with a delighted grin on my face.

There, in the Hannes's driveway sat the most beautiful car to ever exist: a yellow corvette.

Dani looked at me doubtfully, "What? No. This isn't your car. It can't be."

I grinned at her and nodded, "Yeah, it is, graduation present. My aunt and uncle got it for me." (I had to explain this after she looked at the Maryland license plate.)

"No way, your aunt and uncle gave this to you?"

Dorian giggled, "Yeah, Dad's paying them back."

"Yeah, they got it for really cheap, only 17k."

Dani's parents and siblings came out of the house, "Is that your car?"

"Yep!"

When Dani turned around to investigate the back of the car, I quickly made a slashing motion with my hands, back and forth, signalling that no, regretfully, the beautiful corvette I got to drive around town was not my car. (I know, sob.)

I eventually told Dani, but maaaaan. You haven't lived till you've driven a corvette. That baby was beautiful. I have tons of pictures of me with it. My aunt is going to be posting them on facebook sometime. Hopefully I can give you some pictures next week.

It was awesome driving through town and seeing people I knew. Dorian was laughing her butt off and said, "So this is what it feels like to be a spoiled bitch." We looked like true 'doctor's daughters'.

My aunt and uncle are rad, honestly, rad. They're ex-military (they train secret service etc.), live in Maryland, and have motorcycles. Dorian told them to bring the corvette back when she graduates, and they replied that they may have a newer model then.

This is the aunt and uncle that got us a special tour to the Capitol etc. etc. etc. when I was in 5th grade. We were trailed by people with guns. It was so rad.

Dorian told them that she wants to live with them, and they replied, "Sure! But we may be on a boat for awhile." Gotta love them. They're the sweetest people too.

One of my earliest memories is my Dad and my Uncle, Dave, so both Dave's, shooting a HUGE snake in our pond. (It was eating our fish. It died with a sunfish in its mouth.) I wanted to mount it on a wall. Didn't happen, but oh weeeeeell.

They're heading back tomorrow, but hey, it was really nice to see them. We don't get to see them very often because they live so far away, but when we do, it's always memorable and very fun.

I love my family in general. I have great aunts and uncles, and some of my cousins are pretty hilarious. I'm particularly close to Aunt Karen and she was with us tonight and told me how to squeal the tires. She told me to leave some tread for them to get home, however. (TEEHEE.)

But yes.

We had a family gathering after all of the events of today.

Today I graduated.

I walked across the stage and received a booklet. (We got our diplomas later on.)

What can I say?

It really hasn't hit me yet.

I sang in the Chamber choir and had a short solo.

Oh, yeah! I forgot! I won the National Choral Award. Yeah, something like that, um. I can't remember exactly what it's called, but I've been working for that for the past four years. Carissa received it, and I wanted it too.

What it is: The choir votes for their favorite/involved/best senior in the choir. I was terrified out of my mind that I wouldn't get it. I kept thinking that Jacob Lantz or Liz Hamilton would get it, and I knew that if that happened, yes, it would be great for them, but I would probably tear up-no-scratch that- BAWL MY EYES OUT.

But...no worries. I got it. I was grinning like an idiot when I stepped up on the stage to receive the framed certificate and the trophy. I felt like...I felt awesome. I wouldn't have minded if I didn't get a scholarship, just as long as I had that award. Because that award represented so much for me. All of the hard work, tears, disappointments... I reaffirmed my faith in myself. It's kind of sad to think that I needed a trophy to do that. But, really, it wasn't the trophy, it was the thought that I was good enough to receive something like that. You all know that I took my failure at allstate really hard, and that it was a huge blow to my confidence. Getting this helped me back along my path to believing that I had something worth sharing.

I mean, it should have been enough to get excellent vocal scholarships to both colleges I wanted to get into, but I was still suffering from my defeat, so I didn't take that small victory to heart.

I finally did it, though.

I went out of high school with a bang.

I did it. I did it. I did it.

I graduated, drove a corvette, and regained my faith in my voice.

What is out there for me?

I dunno.

But I'm going to take it.

And I'm going to buy a corvette someday.

Honestly, those cars are MAGNIFICENT.

Oh yes, Tango had her baby this week. She had two, but one died from the terrible weather we had. I think it drowned, and she brought it up to the porch anyway, then left it there. She's a new mother, this sort of thing usually happens. Well, she had one tiny, perfect baby, so let's hope that everything goes well.

Question of the week: Ever gotten behind the wheel of a really awesome car?

Have a great week.

BRING IT ON #rapture

2011-05-22T18:17:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I made it. Ready? Here we go.

I'm out of high school. Next week is graduation, but I made it. For me, I've already graduated, I've already done it. I left the school after finishing my finals, said my goodbyes, period. The end. All that's left is a ceremony to reconfirm what I already know.

The school has said goodbye to us, like it does all seniors. It's been saying goodbye all year, and we've finally decided to listen to it and respond.

You know what? Last years seniors are but a quiet memory, and the years before are nearly nonexistent. We're the same. This freshmen class never really knew us, just like I never really knew my seniors. We're all eagerly straining for our time, like dogs on a leash, and when the leash snaps, we're left tumbling out of control into places we could never have imagined. College, life, whatever you're doing, we've been cut off and we're stumbling alone, but at least we're stumbling. This is the part of your life that you have to plunge into by yourself. In the end, you're making your own decisions. Sure, it's scary as hell, but we're doing it.

Who are we?

Hah, we thought we'd know by the end of high school, but really, we're just starting out. Will we ever know? Probably not. We constantly morph.

I did it, though.

I made it out of the dark spots and came out alive and better because of it. I went through medication and spouts of tears from frustration, heartbreak and disappointments that will forever stay with me, but I did it.

Allstate completely broke my heart. Everyone told me I'd make it, two years running. It never happened. I'm out of it, though. I'm on a scholarship to sing for Knox. I may not be the best, but I'm continuing even when I feel I have no talent and nothing left to give. I keep hoping it'll turn around, and sometimes, when I sing to myself at home, I feel like I'm returning to myself.

The OCD medication shifted me, but I feel better even though it put me through hell. I don't know how much I changed because of it, and how much of the old me is left, and how much I want back. Do I want anything back?

When I left the school, it started raining. (Mr. Kraemer had told Ashley, Dani, and I that he was going to miss us and he thanked us for going above and beyond in art.) It had been sunny and beautiful and then BAM. As the bell rang and I trudged out to my car, laden with my saxophone and bags, I did something that I never do. I put my things in my car, then I stood out in the rain.

I've never really done that.

(I've always been afraid that I'll catch pneumonia.)

Dani opened the door to her car, and instead of climbing it, stood up on the ledge and pumped a fist in the air. We heard all sorts of honking from seniors celebrating, so we joined in. My broken car horn even worked for awhile. (It died near the end again.) Ashley came out and we had a group hug. In the rain.

We did it.

Sentimental. Yes. Sentimental.

And it'll forever be burned into my mind.

We did it.

I did it.

Have a great week.

Why are all cockroaches jazz tap dancers?

2011-05-15T19:01:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I smell like smoke. Ready? Here we go.

I just came inside after sitting around the fire pit with Mom, Dorian, and Carissa. For the longest time, I had Biscotti settled in my borrowed jacket from Mom. Earlier today, I was laying on the couch with Biscotti snuggled in the crook of my arm. I have to admit, there's nothing harder than trying to stay awake when you have a kitten napping on you. They're little furry balls of heat. There's something about the peace they give off. Very precious.

Anywaaay. I have five days of high school left.

I went back and read some of my old blog posts and giggled at most of them. Honestly, I was such a harsh writer during sophomore year. I could tell by my voice that I was trying very hard to project that I was a serious, intelligent person. Maybe I was then, after all, I cared a lot more back then about ...everything? Nowadays, I don't know if it's from my medication or if it's from growing up, but I'm a lot more laid back.

I'm not trying to stilt myself like I did back then. Maybe it's from all the heartbreak I had during that year with a certain friendship falling apart and becoming more and more aware of my mental disorder. I wonder who I would be now if I hadn't gone for help. I honestly feel like I can face my future now, and that I'm a better person. Sure, it was really hard getting used to it last year, if you can remember some of those depressing blog posts, but now... Well. Hm.

Hard to say.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, five days left of high school.

What a journey it's been.

I wish I had started my ninth grade year, but instead I started at the very end of it, so I didn't get all of those moments. Well, I'm glad I went through with this. I mean, I can't believe I actually did. I started a blog to impress people and to be noticed. I did that with a lot of things. It's funny how I can admit that now. I wanted to entertain people. Past my initial introductory blog posts, I blogged things like 'Kitten Kitchen', which, I must admit, was HILARIOUS. And then the things with Mr. Bones etc. etc. etc. Now my blog is a way to reflect upon myself and my week.

I used to try so hard to be different, well...I wanted to be known as different. In the end, I look back at that and smile. Really, you can't try to be different, it doesn't work like that. It's a mindset you're born with, I believe. I know that some of my friends are extremely different, and I think that's why we were drawn to each other. We went through our stereotypical teenage phase much earlier than most. (These are probably incorrect ponderings that I'll look back on one day and laugh, much like I do now about my earlier years.)

At least, I think Dani did. I don't know if I've met a more unique character in my days. She's hilarious. Everything she touches turns to gold! (I hate exclamation points. So much.)

I'm going to get off this tangent, because it's definitely a tangent.

What am I feeling right now about high school being nearly done?

Well, I have mixed feelings. I'm excited about Knox, but I'm also very worried. Then I tell myself like I did in my blog post about Knox and calm myself down: You won't know if you've made the right choice till you get there and live through it. No point in worrying about it.

I hope in the end, that I'm proud to be whoever I will be.

You know, with high school being almost done, I'm even more excited about my trip to Europe. 14 days in different countries with people I don't know very well. I mean, I know Shelbie, Spencer, Sarah, Heidi etc. pretty well, but I typically seclude myself so much that I don't really know know them. You know? (Heh.)

I love my best friends, don't get me wrong. Dani and I show Rolando what up and it's great. (Yes, it is what up. No 's'.) But I think this will be a good experience for me since I'm going off to college. I'll be able to see how well I can cope with people I don't know very well. I did spectacularly in New Orleans with Elizabeth and everyone else from a different town, so I'm not too worried. However, this is a different continent.

Still, I'm very excited.

Life is pretty good right now. I keep mixing up Madame Arcati lines in real life, but oh well. Some of my grades are pretty nasty, but I attribute that to senioritis. (It's a real disease, and I have it BAD.) I'm still jobless, and I have finals this week, but OH WELL. That's life and I'm not concerned with those petty things right now.

Hey, take a look at my stop motion if you haven't already.

Question of the week: Ever roasted peeps over an open fire?

Have a great week.

#pretendingtobetextingbytextingtwitter

2011-05-08T16:01:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? Well...I had my last marching band parade last night. Ready? Here we go.

Once again, this week was a week of last's. There will be quite a few in the next two weeks. I only have 10 days of high school left. 10 days.

10 days is nothing.

I had my last choir/band contest and my last Pella

Tulip Parade. But, you know what? I had fun. And that's what counts.

What else can I say?

Honestly, at this point, it's about acceptance. I can't change what's coming up. I gotta get my head around this.

In the meanwhile, I'll keep regressing back into childhood. Not only have I started actively playing neopets again, but Dani and I found ourselves playing make believe yesterday.

On neopets, there is this game called 'Habitarium'. You take care of P3's, which stands for petpetpets, (your pet's pet's pet) and they collect all of these resources and build things. It's very cute.

However, Dani and I got subway, and we went back to the buses to eat. We were sprawled out in the grass and Dani randomly started to stick twigs in the ground.

I declared myself a larnikin, which is a specific breed of P3, and Dani declared herself a pinchit. We made quite the village before we went into destructo-mode and killed everything.

The night parade was very enjoyable. It's cooler, as in temperature, because hey, we wear sequined sashes, and the atmosphere was far more relaxed. It was perfect that one of our songs was 'Don't Stop Believin'.

You know the lyrics, right?

"Don't stop, believin'. Hold on to this feelin'."

Should I got into cheesy-mode? Maybe. I was just holdin' on to the feelin', because really...wow. There I was, marching under the glow of street lamps, with the wind on my face. I couldn't stop beaming. It was ridiculous. There's nothing comfortable about carrying a saxophone and playing at the same time. The uniforms and my size eleven shoes on my size eight feet isn't a party either. But there I was, smiling.

"Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard. Their shadows searching in the night. Streetlight people, living just to find emotion. Hiding, somewhere in the night."

It was perfect.

Honestly, I hate quoting song lyrics because I see so many of my peers doing it. And they're always very emo. I like my sister's, Carissa's, song lyrics because they're not your typical radio hit wonders. (Don't think I'm a music hater, I live off the radio, but I also enjoy random things...like bagpipes. I wish I could play the bagpipes. They look really difficult and expensive though...)

Speaking of Carissa, I had a dream that s

he was pregnant last night, so I texted her this morning and told her 'Happy Mother's Day'.

Ah, yes, here is Kyle and Caviar.

I love baby kittens.

Kitten season is my FAVORITE season of the year.

They're my babies, so I guess HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to me. *snuggle snuggle snuggle*

Well, I did hold Biscotti and Creme Brulee for the first time today. I held Caviar for the first time on Saturday before leaving to Pella.

I'm ridiculous when it comes to cats.

Only about a month till my Europe trip.

Let's see, what will be this week's lasts? My last full Friday, er, my last Award's Night. When is the Speech Banquet? My last spring concert. I won't have to play my saxophone after this week...

Question of the week: What do you think would be a good graduation song? Reiter is asking us, but I really don't know. I want there to be a kickass solo.

Have a great week.

I hope no one saw me take a picture of this. #deadmamasquirrel

2011-05-01T18:50:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? Dorian made me watch Glee tonight. So I'm not able to type a very long, very sentimental blog post like I was planning. Ready? Here we go!

I'm typing this while glaring at Dorian. Today was a very important day in my life and now I can't even talk about it, because she made me run out of time. If you didn't know what happened today, well, I guess you'll never know because I won't have enough time to type it, now will I?

Okay. I'm going to try and see how far I can get.

This weekend was the weekend of the play. I know I said last week that I was miserable with drama and I didn't want to do it anymore. Well, I can attribute some of that to hormones, but really, the only thing that truly made me happy this week was the play. It was so much fun. We performed wonderfully, and my character was hilarious. I even got exit applause after the second scene, second act when I tell Mrs. Condomine off and stalk off stage. (This was during the press review/senior citizen night.)

It was wonderful, and my last play practice for high school was on Thursday. My crystal ball popped and turned into my 'first ectoplasmic manifestation' as Slechta said. I got to break a record, except it didn't break on the first couple of times. I finally got the record to break on stage today, and I picked up the pieces later. I'm going to frame them. I told myself that I would not leave the stage until I broke it. I have a line where I say, "Brahms? Dear me, no. RACHMANINOFF? *break record over knee* TOO FLORID."

I've spent a lot of time memorizing my lines. They come up in daily conversation and I think about them a whole lot. It's going to take some time to get them out of my head.

I left today after strike feeling strange. I walked into the auditorium to fetch my things and stopped in the aisle and stared at the stage. It was very quiet except for the chattering of my fellow cast members outside. The gravity of the situation seemed to hit me then. This was the end. The end of it.

I had been thinking about it earlier while I sat in the lobby, waiting to make my entrance from the back. There are several comfy chairs, and I had seated myself in one. I looked out onto the sidewalk, and at the grass. Springtime, you know? It's gorgeous. Once again, the world keeps spinning and changing. It doesn't wait.

Senior year is all about saying goodbyes. I used to watch plays as a kid and think, "Hey, one day. I'm going to be on that stage. I'm going to be awesome. People are going to want to watch me." Now that it's over, I don't know what to think. I was in every drama production our high school put out. Two each year for four years. There was only one where I wasn't actively performing onstage, and that was Bell, Book, and Candle, and I was the cat handler. (Which was incredible.)

What do I do now?

I just pass it on, and keep going. I keep going forward.

Last year, I didn't really think of the seniors, and how they felt about their last show, because I still had one left. I understood they were sentimental, but it never really was real for me. Now it's gone, and I have these wonderful memories. But like Mr. Edgeton said while we were doing strike, "Look, it's like it never happened."

The high school has said goodbye to me. This whole year was saying goodbye to me. The moment I became a senior, things began to change. Suddenly, I didn't have to go in and plan next year's course. I wasn't going to be there next year. There was no need.

Then graduation.

In the end, I can only hope I am making the right choice for myself, because once I'm out there, who else is going to make the choice? What do I do? I said goodbye.

I said goodbye to the worn stage and the costumes, and the moldy smelling dungeon.

I said goodbye.

It's done.

And I can't go back, I have to keep going forward. There's nothing left for me if I stay. I will continue on. Just like I said in my blog post where I decided that I would be attending Knox. This is my life.

It's just so real. And so personal now.

Blithe Spirit was incredible. Hilarious. A tribute to a wonderful senior year. Sure, it was hell sometimes, and when I say that, I mean the entire year, but honestly, who could ask for more? In the end, I'm glad it happened.

I don't regret a thing.

And in true Bethany fashion, I will offset this sentimental, mildly serious blog post with a ridiculous quote.

Also, I named my kittens Biscotti, Caviar, and Creme Brulee. (Creme Brulee should have some accents and stuff over the letters, but hey, I'm lazy.)

Have a great week.

My mom just left me a message saying there are Jehova's witnesses walking outside and that I should hide in the bathroom until they leave.

2011-04-24T13:47:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? It's Easter. Ready? Here we go.

I was just reading through last week's blog post and I happened to see this sentence: "Other sneaking suspicions tell me I'm going to be a sculpture." What I really mean was 'sculptor'. Yeah, facepalm for that. This is what I get when I don't proofread or revise anything. Oh well, it's a blog, so I can make as many stupid mistakes as I want.

Anyhoo. I spent the afternoon at my grandma and grandpa's.

I have to say, I love taking pictures of kids. When I have my own, well, just...beware. There will be TONS of pictures. I'll probably go through a memory card a week.

I love my camera in general. I mean, it's only a Canon Powershot, 8 megapixel, and sure, it's getting a little old and doesn't perform as well as it used to, but the thing is: I'm used to it. I understand its ways and I know how to use them effectively.

Once someone said that they couldn't take a good picture because of the 'camera they were using' which was mine at that time. If I can take, well, in my opinion, good pictures, then so can you.

Plus, I'm really fond of my camera. I think you all know by now that I love my electronic devices. It's ridiculous, but I take good care of them, and make sure they're safe at all times. That's one thing that didn't change with my medication. Obsession with my possessions.

Also, I try to take pictures that can stand alone. I don't enjoy editing things to death. I don't add filters, etc. etc. etc. I know how to use them effectively because of multimedia, but I've always been the...I don't want to say simple. I like simple things, but I don't want to say I'm a simple type. I mean...I like real life photos. I don't enjoy shifting and shaping things and making them look unrealistic. It's not my style.

Oh! Yes. I'm really sorry that with all my Knox blabber last week that I forgot to show you a picture of my prom dress. Facebook friends that follow my blog will already have seen it, because I, of course, put them on facebook, but for the rest of you...

There it is.

It may be hard to see because it's small on my blog...

Meh. Either way, I had fun.

Opening night for the play is this week. I really hope everything comes together. My lines are still a bit sketchy, but I hope to have them mastered.

Who knows?

At least the play will be over with this week.

I'm really ready to start concentrating on graduating.

Speaking of graduating...can you believe it? I'm graduating.

I'm glad I started this blog when I did. I captured my high school life in digital format. These are life-changing years, are they not? Everyone always looks back on their high school years. I can go back and read and see how much I changed. Not only just through the regular high school ordeal, but through my OCD treatment. I wonder how long this blog will go on. I mean, how long will blogger last?

It's hard to think too far into the future. Facebook definitely isn't going anywhere, but will it still be around when I'm 86? What about blogger? How many blog posts will I get to? It's incredible to think about, and really, I don't have an answer.

I have to wait and see.

Life is all about waiting, isn't it?

I have to wait and see if Knox is the right college for myself.

I have to wait for my kittens to start walking around. (I'm going to name mine Biscotti.)

I have to wait for graduation.

I have to waaaaait for everything.

But the waiting isn't idle or anything. Waiting is about getting to your destination point. Eventually, you'll get there if you try hard enough.

Ah yes.

Ms. Nelson nominated me for this award, so I'll go along with it.

These are the rules:

1. Winners grab the image above, and put it in your blog.

2. Link back to the person who gave it to you.

3. Tell 10 things about yourself.

4. Award 15 recently discovered bloggers.

5. Contact the bloggers you have awarded to let them know they have won.

So...I have to say 10 things about myself... 'Kay.

1. I don't care where I will live in the future, just as long as I have cats.

2. I dance with my bird, Kibble every night. Her favorite song is 'Discotheque'. It's Japanese.

3. I've had an ongoing comic for the past three years. It's called Crossfire, and I've considered being a webcomic artist because of it. I love it a lot and I constantly draw my characters.

4. I'm afraid that once I get to college, I'll get bored of Japanese. I've never been interested in something for so long before, because I learn something and then immediately move on. I don't want it to ever end.

5. My siblings are incredible, and I love them dearly. We have never gotten into a serious fight and hit each other, etc. We don't have screaming matches either. It always shocks me to see siblings not get along.

6. My mother didn't let me watch Barney, or Sesame Street as a child. I am better off because of it.

7. I have never drank before in my life. My parents signed a permission slip that says I get to have a glass of wine in Europe at my evening meals. My first drink will be in Europe, and it will be French wine. I'm glad I waited. (I think that drinking parties sound dull and ridiculous.)

8. I have had an ongoing story in my head ever since I was five. It took off in third grade, and I only started documenting characters in 11th grade. I have over 3,000 of them from last year alone. (My comic is not part of the story. I used to write some of my story down, before I realized that it was mine, and mine alone. I don't want to put it into a novel, because I would have to share it.)

9. My siblings and I have several forts in the fields around our house from when we were kids. My brothers dug a hole to trap deer in it. It's still there. It looks like a coffin. I made smaller traps for mice, because I was planning to make a coat out of their pelts.

10. One of my worst fears is becoming allergic to cats.

Okay, now I have to find fifteen nominees.

Uh. I don't know if I know that many blogs.

1. Suicidal Ants.

I just spent who knows how long indecisively staring at people's blogs. I don't think I can do this. I mean, they're so cool, and I just-AIEEE. I CAN'T. AHHHHHHHHH. I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON.

I mean, I could choose some really cool people I know, but they're so cool and I balasdfaasdfwe.

Okay, I totally don't feel cool enough to do this, but I'm going to send one to an awesome person anyway. Gathering up courage.

2. get some sleep

Sarah is AWESOME.

3. destiny, she blesses me.

4. landscape of consciousness

Those are Carissa's blogs.

I think this is as good as we are going to get. I don't have enough courage for anything else.

Well.

Question of the Week: Do you want to be nominated? Tell me and I'll link you.

Have a great week.

"That does not look like crap. Haven't you crapped on a bag before?"

2011-04-18T15:48:00.001-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I'm angry now. Ready? Here we go!

Dorian just happened to mention that Reiter wants me to audition on a solo, and of course she said it in front of my mom, so OF COURSE my mom says, "DO IT." I have no choice now, do I? Gaaah. I don't think I'd sound very good on it. Also, my throat hurts a whole bunch right now.

I just got back from Beloit, and maaaan. That was...awkward. I think. I dunno. It's hard to say. Okay, I'm going to try to breathe and really put some thought into this blog post.

I went to Knox and I loved it. The Japanese class was fun, and I couldn't stop smiling. I learned a whole bunch from the Animal Behavior class (did you know that rodent pee contains UV light that kestrals use to track unsuspecting animals to their lairs? The birds have to learn to associate the two, though. They aren't born with it.) Yeaaaah. I had fun.

Prom was AWESOME. It was probably the best prom ever. Andrew and I had a ton of fun.

Beloit was...not as good as Knox. I went there, but throughout the whole experience, it just didn't feel right, you know? Plus, I mean, I know I'm socially awkward, but maaaaan, some people at Beloit make me look downright social. I probably muttered two words, but GAAAH. How do I explain it? I'm quirky, but I'm not THAT quirky. (I was even wearing my Jedi hoodie and Katekyo Hitman Reborn ring.)

I enjoyed the Japanese class at Beloit, but not as much as Knox's. The professor was wonderful, I just wasn't...my heart wasn't in it there. I guess, well, Beloit made me doubt myself. I felt like I belonged at Knox, whereas at Beloit, I stuck out and seemed too awkward to exist properly. I then went to a 'Book and Reader' class at Beloit, and that confirmed my suspicions that I really didn't belong there. It's like my OCD came back with a vengeance. Everything I did was painfully obvious to me and I couldn't stand it. At Knox, I was relaxed and smiling and I even talked to strangers. (There was a girl there that was also deciding between Knox and Beloit. Super cool.)

I think these visit days confirmed it for me. Even though I could find my way around campus better, Beloit doesn't suit me as well as Knox. Sure, they may want me more, but I think I want Knox more. I tried to look for all sorts of ridiculous signs, because honestly, I didn't know what to do. (My fortune cookie told me to look for the color purple for good luck. Knox is gold and purple. Beloit is blue and white.) However, I am not just going off of a fortune cookie.

I am Knox.

I think that sums it up.

Beloit made a very comparable second choice, but in the end, it was a second choice.

I am Knox.

That's where you will see me next fall.

I hope to god I am making the right choice.

I'm nervous about this, but I don't know what to do.

I love Knox.

From the moment I realized halfway through the tour, "Oh crap, I think I like Knox better than Beloit. What do I do?" to now, as I place my hopes and fears on this decision.

This is going to change my life. I don't want to screw it up. But to be honest, I (extreme pause as I try to gather my thoughts)...

I cannot tell the future. So I do not know if I am screwing everything up.

I will never be able to tell until I am actually living it.

The future sucks, and it's all about risks, but I have to do it, because this is my life and I can't let myself down. If I did that, what would my recovery be for? What would all of my accomplishments and failures be for?

The puzzles pieces are starting to fall into place, and they're forming a blank puzzle. I get to piece it together, and I get to choose what I put on it.

Heh. It reminds me of an old Switchfoot song, "this is your life, are you who you want to be?"

Well, right now I don't know who I want to be.

That's what these next couple of years are all about. I am going to change and that's it. That's how it's going to be. Sometimes I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm actually going to end up drawing comics for a living. Other sneaking suspicions tell me I'm going to be a sculpture. Yet, the more rational side of me clings to the solid museum curator plan, because if I don't have a base, what do I have? What I do know is that I can achieve anything.

That may sound cheesy, but I can.

That may sound pompous, but I can.

I have the skills, the brains, and the talent to do whatever I want. I just have to find out what I want. When I get there, I will pour my heart and soul into it and I won't look back.

I never had a doubt I would be accepted into Beloit and Knox. I knew I would. That's just how my life has always worked out. I knew that my grades and my activities would get me anywhere. Have I really ever wanted for anything? The hard work starts now. I'm going to be in a competitive playing field and I will succeed at college. I have too much pride to allow myself to fail. I will stand out. I will be someone. I am going to Knox and I am determined to succeed there.

I will do it.

Nothing is going to stand in my way.

I have decided.

I am going to Knox.

I am going to be successful.

But I've got a long way to go.

No question of the week.

Have a great week.

So, I found my retainer in the backyard today.

2011-04-10T13:19:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I smell like sunscreen. Yeah, I just came back inside from fishing with the dogs. Ready? Here we go!

So, yes, anyway, I just got inside from fishing with the dogs. They splashed all about, and that's probably why the only catch of the day was a fish that had been dead for awhile, courtesy of Stubby. After that, I climbed up a tree that sits close to our porch and laughed at Flamingo, who stubbornly refused to join me.

I'm quite the sight to see whenever I go outdoors without anyone else around. I typically have on a very strange combination of clothes, and I always top off my outfits with marsh boots.

Mmm, it's nice to be outdoors again. Oh, my wildflowers are sprouting already. Their stems are already an inch long.

Okay, so, something weird happened this week. I don't know how, or why, but a cat hair became EMBEDDED in my arm. Cat hair isn't sharp, and my skin isn't fragile, but somehow...it got under my skin and stayed there for three days.

Don't believe me? Look. That is the cat hair. It's Beanie's because of the way it's striped. If you can somewhat see, the base is somewhat red from where my skin was irritated with it.

It fell out...Saturday? Yeah, I tried to take it out, but it hurt when I tried, so I stopped. I figured,

hey, it got in, it'll fall out. It was just weird.

I fell down some stairs this week. It was amusing, because it didn't hurt at all. I was wearing my ducky pants and my gray knit slipperboots and I placed my foot on the very edge of the step while walking down to the art room with Dani, and WHOOOOOSH, down I went. My backpack caught itself of the step above me, so my butt didn't hit the ground immediately. After my backpack hit, I kept sliding, so really, instead of falling, I slid. I burst out laughing. That was genius. Honestly, if you're going to fall down stairs, do it my way and slide. Gotta love my ducky pants.

Ah, I have some college visit days coming up soon, so I'll be making my final decision not this weekend, but the next. Wish me luck. This upcoming weekend is prom, so I'll have some pictures of that.

Gah. I suppose I'd better talk to you about this, but, man, I hate singing in school now. I mean, I love singing, but chorus makes me angry because we're doing a woman's choir. And it's not just select girls, no, it's the freshmen AND concert girls. So we're just ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY. Heck no, we're not. I hate woman's choirs, actually, I hate full-woman anything. What is it about girl ensembles that they're so crappy? Is it because all of the estrogen in the air, or is it society's natural dislike for it? Men things seem to work out so much better. Anyway, most of us chamber girls are angry about it, and we really can't stand it.

However, it seems like...how do I say it?

Shannon has been called down to be 'talked to' because of her 'attitude'. That is absolute crap. According to a certain teacher of ours, 'if the upperclassmen girls had a better attitude, then woman's choir wouldn't be so bad'. Riiiiight. It's bad because ...erm, how do I say it? People tend to pay more attention to boys. They seem to be more impressed when a boy can sing. I think it's just our director that's making us angry.

I just typed an entire paragraph that I decided to delete. Just in case.

But really, I hate singing in school. I love singing at home and at church. If it wasn't for me getting paid to sing in college, I wouldn't be doing it. I have been singing since I was two. When I say this, I am utterly serious.

Thanks a lot for ruining it for me. Choir pisses me off.

Question of the Week: Ever had someone ruin something for you?

Have a great week.

Stayed out past curfew hanging out with my grandma. #scandalous

2011-04-04T17:41:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I couldn't type up a blog post yesterday because it was storming. Lightning=no computer. Ready? Here we go!

Monday, I felt like hell. Tuesday, I felt like hell. This is because I tossed and turned both nights while battling a raging sinus headache. Yeah, so turns out, I didn't go to the Jazz Choir thing on Tuesday, because I didn't go to school at all. I went to school Monday, and nearly left several times during the day. I just wanted to curl up and become one with the dust bunnies under my bed.

Actually, they're more like feather bunnies. I never vacuum under there, because I have old backpacks and a fire escape ladder, and I never feel like moving them. Years of feather pillows and cockatiels have resulted in a fluffy underground, which, if I gathered, could probably make a pillow by themself. (Blogger is telling me I spelled cockatiel wrong, and it tell me to replace it with cockamamie.) What is cockamamie? I'm not going to look it up. That'll be my question of the week. What do you think cockamamie is or should mean? And just so you don't forget, I'll put it at the bottom of my post, as usual.

Okay...I have to admit it, you know how I said that I am Knox? Well, I think I might be a little Beloit too. I don't know what to do! Beloit sent me this great magazine about their history and how turtles became their mascot. I'm quirky enough to enjoy that sort of thing and attitude about life. Honestly, if your college president starts out their speech with 'I like turtles', well, who wouldn't want to go there? I don't know what to do. I like them both a lot. Like I said in other posts, I'm just going to have to wait till the MEEEEEET YOUR CLAAAASSMATES and ADMIIIIITTED STUDENTS DAY. Yeah. Then it all rests on my shoulders. It should be a relief to finally decide.

Hey, I finished my Rykken bust. The clay itself didn't turn out the way I wanted, but the painting of Rykken..., well, I think it improved the actual bust.

See? This is what Rykken looked before. If I could go back and change it, which I can't, I would definitely fix the profile.

I mean, it's not bad for my first bust, but with this experience, I feel I could do even better.

It looks...ergh, like a kid did it, and I didn't want that. I wanted him to look better.

I have lots of issues dealing with my pride in my art. Er, I either love myself in art, or hate myself. It's an uneven mix.

But you know, I've been thinking about my interests in life. I have so many of them, but the things I really enjoy doing the most are: anime-Japanese language, comics, and animals. If I could combine them somehow, then everything would be just dandy. I draw comics through class, I love Japanese, and I constantly take pictures of my pets and spend time with them. Man, I don't know what I'm going to do when I get to college. I can't draw through class, so I'll have to make time for comics outside of class. Well, I guess I'll probably have plenty of time... Maybe I can make Crossfire into a webcomic. However, that would mean going back and drawing/coloring three years worth of comics. That would take forever, and would probably get very onerous.

Heh. I love Crossfire. Is that bad to say I love my own comic? Kind of snobby. No, but I love my characters (heck, I even made a poorly done bust out of my favorite character, pooooor Rykken). I draw them all the time, but I'd probably be disowned if I made Crossfire into a job. My parents would be like, "Gay aliens? You draw that stuff?"

Yeah, it's frustrating. This weekend I went

out to take pictures with Ellie, and my mom said, "You're not turning into a bisexual, are you?"

I guess the fake mustache wasn't enough to show that I was JOKING about dressing up like a MAN. My idea was this: Go outside dressed all gentlemanly like and take pictures with my elderly dog. This is because I was having a 'pet personality' photoshoot type of thing. My idea for Ellie was a 'grand old gal', but nooo, it didn't work out because my mom had to spoil it for me. After that, my heart wasn't into the photoshoot, and it ended. Comments like that suck the fun out of everything. I love dressing up crazy, and it's even more fun with a mustache.

I love my pets.

So much.

How many other kids manage to get a baby turtle to survive while in third grade? Mr. Turdz was...well, he was a lot smaller than my palm. Couldn't have been more than a couple inches across, and now look at him! Animals and I naturally get along. They fascinate me, and I love them dearly.

Speaking of animals, have you watched Eagle Cam? It's a camera set up in Decorah, Iowa and it's FILMING baby eagles. Constantly. They just hatched! (Just two of them so far.) Tons of people, including my family, have been watching since the eggs were laid. This reminds me of my 5th grade year where I aspired to be a falconer. I'm a sucker for birds, especially birds of prey.

(And cockatiels.)

My brothers used to tease me because I knew different wingspans of birds, what they ate, where they lived, and how fast they dove.

I don't remember all of that stuff now, except for a few choice facts. (Whenever I hear the words 'peregrine falcon' and 'red-tailed hawk', I perk up.)

We have a red-tailed hawk that lives near our house. Very pretty.

Maybe I could work at an avian conservation center. Who knows?

Question of the week: What do you think cockamamie means?

Have a great week.

Also, some critter moved into my bedroom during the trip and now I'm too terrified to go to sleep.

2011-03-27T19:07:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? Last week was my 150th post, and I did a crap job on it. I didn't even realize. Oh well. I guess that's what you get when you're in a big hurry to get to New York. Ready? Here we go.

So. New York.

I'm alive. Yep.

Before I get into New York, look what I did today!

Yeah.

I made a hot dog cart. For my cat.

I was very pleased with how it turned out.

Anyway. Back to New York.

New York...was New York. How can I say it? The city is exciting, terrifying, and disappointing at the same time.

Exciting because it's incredible and there are so many places to see, and New York at night...just makes you feel alive. Terrifying because at any moment you could get MUGGED AND KILLED. Disappointing, because the movies don't make it out correctly, and because exploring and getting lost in the city with your sisters and mother is WAY more fun that a tour.

The tour only gave us tidbits of what we could see. The farthest we got into Central Park was Strawberry Fields, which

is about ten feet in and has nothing to do with strawberries. (At least I didn't see any.) (And yes, I know it's a Beatle's song.)

Very disappointing.

It's not like last year where Carissa, Dorian, Mom, and

I walked around for miles until we happened across the zoo in the rain, and spent a couple of hours there. I was saddened that we couldn't go farther in. The entry way isn't fun, it's the park that is.

We only got about ten minutes in China Town, and that was on a whim by our tour director after eating supper. I could have spent an entire day there, or at least half a day. Too bad, so sad, we paid all this money for only a glimpse.

I just felt like things were rushed, definitely not like last year where all we did was explore. I guess that's what you get when you travel with a herd, instead of family. New York is incredible, it really is. I love the city, or at least the parts they deem appropriate enough to show us.

I can't believe a week ago I was on a bus at this time. Well, I was probably in Burger King with Dani at this time last week. Huh. That was fun. We flicked a pokewalker back and forth.

I'm sorry I couldn't blog earlier in the day, like I said, I was making that hot dog cart, and Dorian was writing a speech all afternoon and into the evening. Kids and their speeches. Pffft.

Probably the highlight of my trip was seeing Carissa and Kylan. Did I spell his name right? I hope I spelled his name right. We fed pigeons. Pigeons, you say, how is that exciting?

New York pigeons are terrifying. They swoop and gather really quickly. It's INSANE. But I like them anyway.

Well, Spring Break is over, so I don't have anything really to look forward to for the rest of the school year. I mean, I have to graduate...it's going to be a very busy two months. I'll have the play, I'll have scholarships to do. I have to college 'meet your class' days planned. This is the break before the final rush. The rush that'll determine the rest of my life.

That's not scary at all.

What I'm worried about right now is stupid Jazz Choir on Tuesday. There is no way in HELL I am going to be at the high school at 4:30 am. Because then I'll have to get up at 3:00. Even if I got home immediately from play practice and went to bed, I'd barely get eight hours. With my medication, I cannot do this crap! I don't want to do this crap! Why are you making us do this? I haven't learned the song, or the audition cut, because I have other things on my mind. Jazz Choir should be done with by now. I don't care about Best of Iowa Vocal Jazz, and I REAAAALLY don't care about Jazz Allstate. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

It PISSES ME OFF that I have to do THIS SHIT. EMPHASIS ON SHIT. I would love to cuss up a ******* STORM, but I'm going to REFRAIN because this is a PRETTY CLEAN BLOG. DAMNIT. I HATE IT.

Can you FEEL THE HATE? I'm getting all worked up.

THIS SHIT SHOULD BE OPTIONAL. MAKING SOMEONE GET UP THAT DAMN EARLY WHEN THEY PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY CAN'T SHOULD BE FRICKIN' OPTIONAL. I HATE JAZZ CHOIR.

Question of the week: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Got anything like that in your life?

Have a great week.

Just passed a couple asian guys hanging out, listening to music and drinking beer. On their roof. #niiiiiiiiiiice

2011-03-20T11:50:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone! I'm about to leave for the New York trip. Ready? Here we go.

I don't have much time, so I'll try to make this quick.

I'm pretty nervous, actually. Mostly because I'm going to New York without a parent this time. Also, I don't think I'm going to wear my lanyard outside of my clothes. Reiter has this notion that it's going to ward off pickpockets and muggers.

Well, for one, I think it'll make us a bigger target. Honestly, it'll be a target in itself. "Look! I'm a tourist!" It's not like we'd catch a pickpocket in the act anyway. They're professionals. It doesn't matter if we're in a big group, they're not going to get caught, so there is no way they would be afraid of a 'big group'. They see them all the time.

So yeah. Not going to wear that lanyard for everyone to see. That's just stupid.

Also. Who is going to mug us in plain daylight? We're not going to be walking down alleyways or anything, so what's the risk of that? Hmph.

I'm just neeervous.

Plus, I hate the idea of not being able to shower tomorrow, so I showered at one today, hoping it would ward of the greasy grease-ness of the whole idea.

Agh.

I'm excited to sit with Dani, though. But I know that sometime this week, she'll probably give someone a good tongue-lashing. So, we'll see how that goes. You never know, it might be a very smooth vacation.

I'm just going to be tired and it's going to be raining while we're there.

Ah, well, New York City is fun anyhow, I just wish I could go to Albany. I honestly like Albany much better.

Dorian and I will get to see Carissa in NYC with her new love interest! He wrote us an essay after we requested one. So, very excited to read that! I intend to be highly critical. (Snicker snicker snicker.)

Guess what? Neopets took the birthday requirement off, so I've been on neopets everyday this week. It's very relaxing.

Well. This may be the last time we talk. You never know, a mugger may get to me.

However, it's been very fun.

No matter what happens, live on!

Yeah, still nervous. I can't be flippant.

I think I packed everything I need... I went over the list a crap ton...

Question of the week: Your opinion of lanyards. Good idea? BAD IDEA?

Have a great week.

"See, Dorian, this is love." As Beanie steps on her "OW! Paws in gut."

2011-03-13T13:24:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? Well, there was a freaking EARTHQUAKE-TSUNAMI in JAPAN for starters. Ready? Here we go!

Before I talk of my extreme distress of the whole natural disaster thing, I want to tell you about some other events this week.

For one: Beloit sent me my musical audition scholarship. Get this, it's $20,000 dollars for all four years. Add that to my $48,000 academic scholarship from them. Yeah, $68,000 dollars. That's $28,000 more than what Knox is offering me. What am I going to do? I don't know... I don't know. Like Ashley said, "The decision just got harder." And here I thought I did terrible because of a cheek spasm that caused me to mess up two measures! I was terrified and I sang, and I messed up, but they still want me to sing for them. Knox only wants to give me $3,000 for music while Beloit gave me their maximum amount at $5,000, total of $20,000. They reaaaally want me. Which is very nice to feel wanted, but man...I don't know what I'm going to do!

I'm very unsettled by this, can you tell?

Speaking of cheek spasms, I had a major lip spasm during Individual State this Saturday. It was super embarrassing because it happened right as I hit my last note. It didn't mess up my last note, and I held it for the 18 counts, but I looked ridiculous with my quivering lip. I held it though, there was no way a lip spasm was going to make me crack or go off key.

Definitely not my best performance and my score showed that. However, Shannon is a four year allstater and has the best voice of anyone I know and she got two ones and a two. Whoever gave her that two is ridiculously stupid. Last year she got my score of two two's and a one. Yep. So my overall score was a two, but eh, I don't really care. I blame it on my lip spasm, and everyone said I sang really well. The judge at district had it right, you have to be able to act yes, but you must remember it's MUSICAL theater, so you have to be able to sing.

The judges at state didn't seem to think that. They wanted a crapton of movement or something, so Shannon and I's simple movements and emphasis on facial expressions wasn't appreciated by them. Well, screw judges. Speech team has always been fickle. I'm not letting myself get upset by it. At least it's done!

Speaking of theater, I auditioned and got my part for Blithe Spirit this week. I am Madame Arcati, which is a significant and hilarious role. I get to be this psychic old woman and man...I get to say 'cheerio' and 'good hunting'. I'm so excited. I just don't want to screw it up. Shannon is Ruth, Kahlise is Elvira, and Andrew is Charles. The only problem...I have a crap ton of lines to learn. I think I'll work on them during Spring Break.

Speaking of Spring Break, it's not this week, but the week after. I think we leave Sunday, which may or may not effect my blogging to you next week. I'll try to blog, but I just don't know. I may be too busy. We leave at...3? Yeah, 3 something. I'm very excited for New York! I get to see Carissarissa and Ky, her new love interest. Their facebook status's changed to 'in a relationship' and Dorian and I were like, "OH NOES. THIS IS NOT GOING DOWN WITHOUT OUR PERMISSION." So we're having Ky write us a paper, minimum three paragraphs, for us to read and determine if he can date Carissa.

We're cool, yo.

Speaking of Carissa, all of my fish are dying. Most of you won't understand why that relates to her, but it does. She sent me this picture on facebook about fish flakes and goldfish. Yes, my fish have died off daily since last week. There were a few days where Catherine, Six, and Barkley all stuck it out together, but Six went yesterday, Catherine today, and I have a feeling Barkley is going to go soon. Yeah, can you believe it, Alchemy went first I believe, and Mr. Spots died right before Six. The others went somewhere between Mr. Spots and Alchemy. GAH. I'm getting a beta next time. You should see Dani's beta. If he can live through that, then my beta can certainly live in my tank.

I wonder if it is the tank...? I've never had bad luck with fish before I got this tank... I don't get it! The water is distilled so it doesn't have anything bad in it. I change the filters regularly... BAH.

Speaking of water: Japan. It completely ruined my day when I heard about it in Chemistry, Friday morning. Dani and I looked at each other which dropped jaws and horrified eyes. I want to tell you something, though I have never been there, I love Japan. This doesn't mean I don't love America, no, America has been good to me, and I will always be an Iowan Native, but...Japan. Japan has captured my interest and love with its language and people. Never before have I had such a long-standing interest in something. I fear that one day it will disappear, but it never has. I still want to learn the language with an intensity that gets stronger everyday. I want to go to college to learn it. I'm just...so worried about all of them! I want the people to be safe! All of those people...

People had 'Hurricane Katrina' trending on Twitter. What. The. Hell. Yeah, I know Katrina was godawful, and I went there on a mission trip to help clean up after it. I get it, it was terrible, and Japan didn't help out, so people thought we shouldn't help them.

Why the hell not?

This isn't just my love of Japan speaking.

I think that everyone should help out during a natural disaster. EVERYONE.

Just because someone didn't help you out, doesn't mean you shouldn't help them.

I want to help people. I love helping people. I don't want to see them hurt. I want them to be healthy and okay.

A natural disaster isn't something you can control. The world unites over these tragedies. Why waste time bickering and comparing when you could do something? Unite, people! Don't reopen old wounds. Forgive and get on it.

Like I said earlier, my heart is breaking for them.

Question of the Week: Doing anything for spring break?

Have a great week.

Alrighty. Put it off until tomorrow in art?! I THINK YES.

2011-03-06T12:41:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? One of my new fish died yesterday, so I bought two more! Just in case. Their names are Mr. Spots (unintentionally named) and Alchemy. Ready? Here we go!

I was at Wal Mart for twenty or so minutes, and I was pretty pissed. My mom had gone to talk to the Customer Help desk three times before we finally decided to just get the fish ourselves. I've gotten fish so many times, I know exactly what to do, and I even have the UPC code memorized to write on the bag. I grabbed the net after filling this bag with water and ...fished around. (Ha.) It was much easier doing it by myself. I didn't have to deal with Joe the fish man, whom I'm pretty sure hates what he does. I mean, when kids like me come in and are like, "I WANT THAT ONE." Instead of, "Get me anything." Must be pretty irritating. I did it by myself and that's how I got Mr. Spots. He's this pretty white goldfish with orange dots. I was going after him with the net, "C'mere Mr. Spots." Whoooops. Once I get something in my head like that, it's impossible to go back. No matter what I may rename him, whenever I look at him, Mr. Spots will pop into my mind.

Anyhoo, I found not only Mr. Spots and Alchemy yesterday, but I also bought my prom dress! Mom, Dorian, and I spent all day looking, and we actually found it in the first shop we went to, but I wanted to make sure. It's blue with a crap ton of badass bead work. The bead-work on the skirt looks like bamboo shoots, so it's almost sort of Asian. It's blue, and the bead-work is silver-gold. The waist is almost...wrapped? I dunno how to describe it, and I'm not going to show a picture of it till prom. The waist is silver-gold too. When I first saw it, I giggled and said, "Did someone skin a mermaid?" Then I saw the bead-work, and tried it on. It looks great.

You don't know this, but I do. Beanie just jumped up on my lap and closed this page. Thank goodness for autosave.

Man, I really wish that Dani was going to prom.

Oh! Speaking of Dani! I saw my first person smoking a joint on Wednesday! No, it wasn't Dani. We were driving around the ghetto part of town for obscure, wonderful pictures for a photoshoot of landmarks around town. We arrived at Heritage Park, and lo and behold, there was someone smoking a joint in their car. Crazy. We had never seen anyone doing something illegal before. (That may be surprising to some people who always do that sort of thing.) Also, next to Heritage Park, is a small skate park. Oh, the things you learn when you go for a drive.

In my Scoopin' Poop or Museums essay, I decided that indeed, I want to be a zookeeper. However, I'm not sure if it'll work out the way I want to. I did some research and I learned a ton about it, but the competition is insane. I guess we'll just have to see.

Speaking of my future, I had a dream last night about going to college. It was one of those lame dreams where you come unprepared. I went to college, found out that I had forgotten to pack any clothes other than the ones I had on and had to go home. I missed all of my classes that day and I never wanted to go back again. OH WELL. Like I said, laaaame dream.

KNIIIVES. Yes. I went out and threw knives today. I was clad in marsh boots, huge, baggy sweat pants, a hoodie and a jacket over top. My hood was up, and I just...really looked weird. A truck drove down my driveway and there I was, wiping my blades off on my pants and they stopped to ask me who owned the cornfield behind my house. I told them that I didn't know, but my dad probably did. They drove the last couple of yards to the house and I stabbed my knives into my target and watched them. Yep. I'm creepy, but maaan that was worth it. The lady in the back seat couldn't stop grinning at me. I must have looked quite the sight with my target and knives.

State is next week and play auditions are Monday. I've decided that if I don't get a part, I'm not going to be involved. I know that totally goes against my previous mentions of not caring about what part I get. But I have reasons for this: For one, there isn't a cat handling part in this play, and I don't want to be a stage manager again. It took a lot of work, and I'm not feelin' it. You know? Plus, I want to get a job and earn money for my trip to Europe. However, I'm worried because the previous three female parts have suddenly turned to five. That means that an already small part was split up to be smaller. I don't want a tiny part like that right now, my senior year. If that happens, I don't know if I want to go there every day when I could be working or working out! (More on that later.) I know, I KNOW that I'm being selfish, and I KNOW that I HATE it when people complain about what part they get. I KNOW. I hate myself for thinking this, because honestly, I hate hypocrites, and I can't stand being one.

Anyway, about that working out stuff. Dani and I went in after school to make up a P.E. class period. It wasn't as scary as I thought. In fact, it wasn't bad at all. Dani and I were joking about going in more often. Mostly because of the multitude of men in there. MUSCULAR THIGHS. Mmhmm. It's for 'artistic' purposes. We can discover what muscles do what when you work out differently. Strictly artistic. Nothing else.

Question of the Week: Have you gone to get Cadbury Mini Eggs yet? They're in season! Get on it.

Have a great week.

Baby, I'll start up YOUR chamber on Wednesday (I have no idea what that means).

2011-02-27T18:46:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone. How have you been? I've been irritated, but I've decided that I probably shouldn't say it on the internet. It's nothing bad, it's just some different people that I have issues with. Ready? Here we go!

I've decided that I want to be a zoo keeper. Yes, this will probably change, but for now? I relish the idea of playing with seals and scooping elephant poop. Other than that, I really don't know what they do besides animal care. I'm going to research it for my compare and contrast paper for Composition. We have to compare different careers or a college choice. (Yeah, exciting, I know.) Since I don't want to do colleges, because hey, I'm going to go to Knox, I decided that I would compare a museum curator to a zoo keeper. Yes.

This Saturday was districts for Individual Speech Team. I got a one, and Shannon got a one. Ashley got a two. I really like my song. It's 'Another Hundred People' from the show 'Company'. The judge didn't have anything bad to say about Shannon and me, so it went AWESOMELY WELL. Ashley, after getting a two, didn't watch either of us and spent the rest of the day hanging out with Ramses.

Eh. Also, I got into this big argument on twitter this week. I stated that I didn't like how people called Miklo 'douchy' or 'Diklo' because it's very immature and teachers deserve respect.

Maaan, I opened up a can of worms with that. Ramses responded with 'he's an ass'. Well. Then we got into a huge fight over it. Dani joined in, because hey, we both like Miklo. Ramses went off on some tangent and it lasted way too long for my liking, because hey, I was trying to read comics. My position on the whole fight was that 'you don't call a teacher a douchebag' and that you 'may not like him, but you have to learn how to work with different people.'

Ramses thought that Miklo should tailor to their needs, when really, Miklo's a teacher. Teachers don't have to take their lesson plans from students. Bah. I believe that you need to adapt yourself to work with others. You have to accept it and shut up and do it, otherwise, you're not going to get anywhere. You'll just be bitchin' yourself into a deep hole.

Learn to work with different people.

Don't insult teachers.

Enough said.

Okay, so you can probably guess who I'm irritated with. It doesn't take much brains to put it all together. However, I'm irritated with one more person, but I won't mention that.

I GOT NEW FISH TODAY. Their names are Toilet Fodder, Catherine, Six, Barkly, and Avalon. They're very exciting.

Oh yes, did I tell you we've been doing wire sculpting for art? Well, this isn't my art project, but another one I started for fun.

Behold, wire bunny.

This is my newest hobby.

I'm going to try and keep this on the down-low so I don't irritate the piss out of Dani. (I talk about wire stuff a lot nowadays. I irritate myself.)

But before I move off this subject, I want you to know that I bought a ton of wire today and tools so I can sculpt outside of school. I'm thinking a cat next, or a person. We'll just have to see.

So...

I really do apologize for this week's whiny blog post. I just really needed to vent some of this. Look, I really love my teachers a lot. (And I'm not just saying that because one of my middle school teachers reads my blog.) Teachers rock. End of story. (That's one of the reasons I'm going to a small college: so I can KNOW my professors.)

Question of the week: Picked up a new hobby lately?

Have a great week.

I want to drink while I look at my naked men

2011-02-20T16:51:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone! Guess what? Absolutely nothing. NOTHING. EVER. Ready? Here we go!

Well, after much ado, I finally decided that I would audition for Beloit, even though I'm 99% sure I'm going to Knox. I sang and ta da, that was done. Going back to Beloit pretty much reaffirmed and confirmed my thoughts: I am Knox. (That's what they send their accepted students. :D) So...way back when I first toured Knox, I found myself very alarmed by being proven wrong. I thought for sure that Beloit was the place for me after I first went there. Then I discovered that I like Knox even better. That was weird for me, very weird. Yup, next fall I'll probably be at Knox.

Oh yes, my knives came in the mail! Yes, I finally ordered them, and guess what, it was leeeegal. (Obviously, because I have them.) When I went out to practice, the knives that didn't hit the target or the ground embedded themselves in a tree trunk. Yes, a tree trunk. This tree is supposedly 'harder than steel'. I think I mentioned this a year and a half ago? I dunno. It was when Ernie, Kyle, and Ryan were trying to cut this ancient, dead tree down. It took the better half of a day because the wood was so strong.

Agh, now I'm distracted because Dorian is watching Eclipse. We rented it for our shitty movie night. The Twilight movies are TERRIBLE. The acting, dear lord. It's AWFUL. Also, The Last Airbender, stick with the cartoon, the movie is pathetic. Again, the acting. Terrible. Horrendous. Stupid.

Oh yes, what else happened this week? I had a job interview at Family Video and that went pretty well...

Speech team didn't win any banners.

Dani turned 18 this Saturday! She had a birthday party and I weeeent to it. So yeah... BAH.

Gah, my heart just isn't in this tonight.

I'm tired, I don't feel so awesome. I'm just irritated all around. VERY IRRITATED. DID I MENTION I'M IRRITATED?

Have a great week.

I'm going to ask them for his hand in marriage.

2011-02-13T18:02:00.001-08:00

Hey, everyone. Guess what? I dunno if I mentioned it last week, but Christina Aguilera looked and sounded like a crack whore during the National Anthem. But, whatever, she's famous and has lots of money. (Why can't they just get a nobody that sings WELL?) Ready? Here we go!

This week was a Dani-filled week. I think I hung out with her every day. There were ITEDS this week, and since seniors are so awesome, we didn't have to take them. I went over to Dani's house and we played video games all afternoon. We also developed some kickass gangsta accents that in Dani's case, kept turning Southern. I variegated between British and gangsta. Either way, we gonna show Rolando whatsup, because he be fruntin'.

Anyhoo. The allstate results showed up on Monday. You know how I said last week that I didn't want to go to allstate? Well, guess what? I GOT THE PERFECT MEDIUM!

I achieved non-performing allstate with my Musical Theater group (ironic, isn't it?). That means we get the status of allstaters, but we don't perform at allstate. In my case, that means I'm an allstater, but I don't have to go to allstate. That means I'll be here for Dani's birthday. Wheee!

I bought her present today, but shhhh! I won't tell you what it is, because she's been reading this here blog recently, mmmhmmm.

Yup.

(I meant to say 'this here'. Yes, that was on PURPOSE. If you couldn't tell. I hope you could tell. If you couldn't...then, that's uh, then you're probably new to this blog. Yup, yup.) This here is Iowan speech. Actually, it's not, it's more of a dialect from a few chosen students in our community. You find all sorts of people in Iowa, but I say, if I grow up and move away from Iowa, I will REALLY miss that sort of talk. It's so ridiculous, but it's enjoyable.

Ah, remember how my birthday was last week? Well, I think I can buy those knives. I was reading on a website and it said that the U.S.'s customs laws say that the country of origin needs to be on the knives. Factories do that automatically and I'm getting factory sharpened knives etc. So, they should automatically have Japan on them. I've decided that I will chance it and buy them. I'm 18 after all, I should be able to use my status!

Also, Edna came up to me and asked, "So your birthday was Friday?"

"Yup."

"Okay, just checking."

Then she walked away. No late happy birthday, nothing. She just wanted to confirm a fact she had memorized ages ago. (Yeah, she went up to my French teacher and told her that she knew my birthday a couple of months ago for no apparent reason.)

OH YEAH! Good news! My French teacher gets to keep her job and so does our third speech coach! The school board listened to us! Wheee!

What else happened this week? Oh, Dani got bangs and they're ADORABLE. I was enraptured by them, so I went and got my own hair cut for the first time in HOW MANY MONTHS. It was getting pretty gross. I was bored with it and it was just so shapeless. I got minor bangs and some new layers. It's a bit shorter, but not by much. Just cleaned up the edges.

I don't get split ends, by the way. I'll put that out there. I don't wash it with anything special, just clearance shampoo, but it's INVINCIBLE. It's also very thick. I shed like mad.

Speaking of shedding, but really having nothing to do with it, I spent two hours and 30 minutes in Goodwill today. I LOVE GOODWILL AND WE HAVE ON IN TOWN NOW. It's not open yet, but it will be in March...or something like that. I bought 7 or so shirts and 3 books. The books are by Pearl S. Buck. I read a book by her, The Good Earth, for a classic unit in American Lit. Since then I've been on the lookout for her books. I feel like I should thank Mrs. Wittrock for putting that in the box with the other classics, because I've been pursuing her books. She writes a lot of Asian things. In fact, I'm going to start a classic unit by myself. I want to read East of Eden, The Grapes of Wrath, etc. Any other classics I should go after and add to my list?

Dani told me to ask a question this week, so...um. Gotta think of a question. Wait, didn't I just ask a question?

Tell me what books I should read! I've read most of the young adult section of my library. Give me some classics, or something you really like!

Have a great week.

Dialogue options on runescape: "So, you want me to talk to your father?" or, "So, you want me to kill your father?"

2011-02-06T13:13:00.001-08:00

Hey, everyone. It took me five tries to type that because my finger kept going to the 'm' key instead of a comma. I hate it when that happens. Also, guess what? I forgot to mention that my birthday was Friday last Sunday. I mean, the upcoming Friday from last Sunday, so last Friday. Uh. The 4th. How 'bout that? I think I'll discuss the benefits and cons of my new age. Ready? Here we go!

Okay, so the big 18. I'm now an adult. Hah. Yeah. Right. I started this blog years ago. Did I actually think that I would keep blogging for this long? Hard to say. Well, now I'm eighteen. I can buy cigarettes, porn, and I can be sent to jail. Whee. Seems that eighteen is a big waste of time. I want to turn 21 so I can go to a casino with my Grandma. We were talking about it at lunch today. Apparently my grandmother loves to gamble. She went with some friends and my grandpa one time and she was pressing a button or something on a slot machine and won $2,500. She told her friend to go tell my Grandpa and the friend came back and Grandma, all excited asked her what he had said.

"Bullshit."

I love those two. My grandma is known for her bad hearing and her reluctance to get hearing aids. She just got them, but she keeps pretending that they don't work and then forgets that she's supposed to pretend. It's hilarious. She was talking about how when she first heard the name 'Lamansky', she thought it was ugly. "MANsky." She told me this while we were eating at Family Buffet today.

My grandpa looked at my parents and said, "She couldn't hear then either."

Oh yes, before I got on the grandparent subject, I was talking about being eighteen. I wanted to treat myself to some kunai throwing knives off ebay, but I'm not sure if it's legal. Well, it's legal for me to order them, since I'm eighteen, but is it legal to be shipped into the country? I don't want to spend money and then have them seized by customs. Oh yes, I don't believe I've ever mentioned it, have I? I have always wanted to learn to throw knives. Kunai are a certain type of blade that is shown in the anime Naruto. They're used outside of that anime, of course, but I learned about them from Naruto. I didn't know any specific brand of throwing knife, so I decided to go with something I vaguely knew about.

I read too many books. Honestly. Most of the books I read are fiction, more specifically fantasy. I admire the characters that can throw knives. I mean, seriously, I love archery and all, but knife throwing is AWESOME too. So yeah, I dunno if I can order the kunai. Do any of you know the laws regarding importing knives? Ha. That sounds weird. I mean, people can import different types of knives in from countries for cooking, right? Or different...things. I dunno. It seems like they should be allowed to. What does it matter if I order some kunai from an anime country? Is that really that bad? What if I used them for cooking as a sort of theme kitchen? Hmm? Would that be bad? I have no IDEA.

Ah, yes, now to go on to speech team. Our team did really well this year at state. The judges ADORED my musical theatre. We got our ballots back and the results were fantastic. They LOVED it, guys. They LOVED IT. Wouldn't it be ironic if it went onto Allstate when I don't really, well, I don't want to say I don't care, but don't really love it? Because last year I...had a connection to my musical theatre? Is that how I can say it? Because sometimes you just sing, right? And it sounds good. But sometimes you really connect to something and it makes it special and personal. That was last year, and I had my heartbroken when it didn't go on to allstate. (Though it should have and everyone knows it.) My solo last year in that piece was, hah, the story of my life. Or it was the story of that year.

This year, it's classical, it's different, the character isn't me, it's not as...personal. After last year, I kind of gave up, which is bad, and wrong, you know, but it happened, so what now?

We'll just have to see this upcoming Monday.

But I don't want to go on to allstate, because that would mean missing Dani's birthday and that would suck.

I went to allstate to watch once, and I don't want to go back again. It's just another busy Saturday that'll tire me out. Once was enough.

Dorian's improv went awesome, mine, not so much. That's all I'll say about it. I still ended up with a division one, but eh... Not our best work.

I almost forgot the main event that happened this week. I can't believe I almost forgot to mention the Snowpocalypse. Yes, many years from now, the Snowpocalypse will be spoken about in hushed whispers and behind closed doors. It caused three snowdays in a row.

And.

It was TOTALLY RAD.

I watched 30 episodes of Reborn the first day, so that was 11:00 in the morning till about 9 at night. Yes, I know, that's pretty pathetic, but it was SO MUCH FUN.

The next day Dorian and I bathed Flamingo who smelled like garlic and butt. I blame the butt on him and the garlic on an opossum that snuck in the cat box and fouled up the sheets we had in there. He wasn't all that bad for it. I think it helped that we had treats.

Then we dressed up in ridiculous costumes.

The next day I hung out with Dani and we tried to melt snow for hot chocolate because her water was turned off. We had to call Mark, who was working on their bathroom to come back and turn the water back on, which resulted in a mini flood which we cleaned up.

Then we researched cosplay costumes in case we actually go to Anime Iowa. (WE REALLY WANT TO.)

Ah. Well, that was this week.

Man, if I screw up, I could go to jail. Crazy business.

I just went back and read my birthday post from last year. Huh. Interesting and contrasting.

Have a great week.

Any normal person would choose their own life over their cat's. Weeeeeirdoooooo.

2011-01-30T14:18:00.000-08:00

Hey, everyone. Dani just logged onto msn so I messaged her and said, "Oh babeh." because I love to greet people like that. Turns out it was her brother. Ah. Well. Wonderful. I feel creepy now. Ready? Here we go!

There was another strange situation earlier today at McDonald's. My dad is a doctor, you know, and everyone seems to know him. So a patient of his comes up to him today and starts talking and they get to talking about hunting. Well, the patient does something and my dad laughs and tells him to show Dorian and I. (We sat at a different table, because we originally sat down at a booth first and then my parents sat down across from us and then declared that the bench was unstable and moved. Dorian and I were already eating and we were fine, so we just stayed and Mom and Dad moved to a table across the aisle from us.) The patient comes over to talk to us and he's wearing this big, thick brown jacket with a canvasy sort of surface. He unzips it and pulls out two rabbit heads which were dangling from a string around his neck.

Dorian and I burst out laughing and he told us that the rest of the rabbit was in the McDonald's stuff we were eating. I love all the characters you can find around Fairfield. I mean, it's just great. My mom told us later that this guy was a former state patrol man before he retired and he's the guy that trapped the beaver by our pond when we were a lot younger. (Beavers eat trees. We don't like beavers.)

Dorian and I were chuckling and Dorian turned to me and said, "Is it normal to be walking around with rabbits around your neck?"

"I think he's totally rad." I mean, really, I got a huge laugh out of that.

Yeah, I was the sort of kid that ran around outdoors dreaming of hunting and living out in the wild. Two of my most prized possessions are rabbit furs Carissa brought back from Alaska for me. When my dad and my uncle shot a GIANT snake in our pond, I told them I wanted it stuffed and put on my wall. I used to romp around outside with my brothers and dig deer 'traps' with them. I dug little holes and filled them with sharpened twigs for mice 'traps'. Because my rational kid mind thought I could make a jacket out of mice fur. Very fascinating.

Yeah, I'm not the type of person to be creeped out over rabbit heads. I was JEALOUS.

For all of you vegetarians or animal rights activists, I'm reaaaally sorry, but I grew up in Iowa with a meat-loving family.

Speaking of vegans and that sort of stuff, my improv team had a good laugh this week. Mukunda, Lalita, and Ramses's improv didn't go on to state, and since they're probably our best team, we were all complaining about the judge. (He was a terrible judge. Really. We looked at the ballot, and my team was so close to getting a two, it's not funny. He scribbled it out. Bastard.) Fairfield has great improvers. We always go onto state, but this judge just sucked.

We stalked him on facebook. Alex Gookin is my hero. (He's also my improv teammate.) We found out everything we could about him. He loves horseback riding and sleeps on a queen sized bed. His favorite movie is 'The Devil Wears Prada' and he likes his hot dogs grilled... I'm serious. He said that.

He picked at things that weren't to be picked at. He told us that his dad would do this and this, so Alex's character should've done this and that because HIS dad does that. (Did that make sense? Alex was a dad in our improv.) It's our interpretation of a dad, not everyone is going to copy YOURS. Also, he was just negative. About everything! The guy really should be fired. He sucks hardcore.

And this isn't just because he screwed over our team. He was just a bad judge. He's in his last year of college or something and is a registered nurse. So, yeah, college kid. Very judgmental of highschoolers.

What can you do?

Agh.

What else? Oh, well, I had Jazz contest yesterday and our jazz choir got a one, so yaaaay for that. The school that came after us was ridiculously cocky and man, that's irritating. Plus, they brought an entire jazz band with them. During the middle of a particularly long drum solo, I leaned over to Ashley, "Is this a jazz band contest, because...you know, I thought this was a vocal contest." It was hilarious at the end when my mom came up to me and asked me if this was a band AND vocal contest. Apparently everyone else from Fairfield thought the same thing. Way too much band, not enough vocal.

I mean, there were SEVERAL drum solos. Why do you need a DRUM SOLO at a VOCAL CONTEST. The first drum solo last about a minute and a half. The fan club behind us kept cheering throughout. The Fairfield kids just eyed each other thinking, "What. Is. This."

Yeah, well, at least we got a one. I don't know what that obnoxious school got, but it was probably a one because their ballad was fine.

Hmph. I can't staaaand it.

Anyway. It's over though.

I have state this upcoming Saturday, so that's another day to get up at five or earlier for. Yaaay.

There's supposed to be bad weather this week so I'm really hoping for a snow day because I'm super tired.

Have a great week.

Dancing on the Dock

Damn it, I took an ice cream sandwich from the right box but it was the wrong flavor. #ohgodhowwilligoon

Currently making guesses at the lifespan of your new pets.

I think my ravioli was rotten somehow, but I ate it anyway. Bad decision.

My face is sweating profusely. Why? Because I'm eating skittles. Why would that happen? I'm not sure but I'm scared.

Two things. There's a lady in Russia who paints with her boobs. And you got ahead of me again. Bitch.

I don't know how many spider egg sacs I've had to scrape off of this piece, but oh dear lord it's about twenty too many for me to handle.

Why do people always sound so scared when I ask what size underwear they wear?

@Anti2Ben No problem. I've got you, and your guinea pig's back. #GuineaPigGuardian

I'm staying awake because I am afraid of being killed by a moose now.

I'm not voting for Obama. Poor guy hates his job. I'll be doing him a favor.

Everything I need to know about parenting I learned from possum ownership.

MY BOSS IS AN EVIL DICTATOR AND IS ALSO MY MOM.

Lawls at overhearing two middle school boys talk about how amazing Twilight is.

I pretend to be a gay, male vampire in my free time.

Gotta go shave my legs for @anti2ben. She doesn't like her lovers to be hairy.

Simba's a horcrux #spoiler

"It's time to let the robots do the work for you." That's actually on an ad I just saw. Holy shit. The robot revolution is coming soon.

Mufasa dies. #spoiler

I just used a staple remover to open a bottle. I must be in college now.

Someone spilled corn on the side of the road... Deer homicide.

#thatawkwardmoment when you bike through a charity walk. #oops

And it's NOT the same bat. This one was doing figure eights. The last one just hid behind my curtain. This one's smaller, too. I KNOW.

@heyitsashleyk apparently your dog's twitter got hacked. Unless he made $793 dollars today from working at home.

Dear god, why can't I just have a regular, non bat infested room?

@anti2ben is my hero. A giant spider appeared in the sink, so she cut it to bits with a pizza cutter.

MY PILLOW PET COMES TOMORROW. I CAN FINALLY BE HAPPY.

Dear young self, you're going to contract the bird flu if you keep playing with that dead bird.

40,000 kittens born everyday in the U.S.

"I bet Tom is her new favorite anonymous creeper. You're old news, brother. But don't worry I love you. Now scoop the cat litter."

What's happening? I'm being taunted by a Neopet addict with pizza.

"I don't want that shit where he yells 'Abracadabra' and kills Gandalf."

Life seems very uneventful when you aren't wandering Europe day and night...

I'm a little worried about you two eloping.

Dear god broccoli.

My daily lunch break consists of chef boyardee and neopets.

To get myself through the next few days, I put a motivational poster of sorts on my wall stating "YOU CAN DO THIS." I feel like a teacher.

BRING IT ON #rapture

Why are all cockroaches jazz tap dancers?

#pretendingtobetextingbytextingtwitter

I hope no one saw me take a picture of this. #deadmamasquirrel

My mom just left me a message saying there are Jehova's witnesses walking outside and that I should hide in the bathroom until they leave.

"That does not look like crap. Haven't you crapped on a bag before?"

So, I found my retainer in the backyard today.

Stayed out past curfew hanging out with my grandma. #scandalous

Also, some critter moved into my bedroom during the trip and now I'm too terrified to go to sleep.

Just passed a couple asian guys hanging out, listening to music and drinking beer. On their roof. #niiiiiiiiiiice

"See, Dorian, this is love." *As Beanie steps on her* "OW! Paws in gut."

Alrighty. Put it off until tomorrow in art?! I THINK YES.

Baby, I'll start up YOUR chamber on Wednesday (I have no idea what that means).

I want to drink while I look at my naked men

I'm going to ask them for his hand in marriage.

Dialogue options on runescape: "So, you want me to talk to your father?" or, "So, you want me to kill your father?"

Any normal person would choose their own life over their cat's. Weeeeeirdoooooo.

"See, Dorian, this is love." As Beanie steps on her "OW! Paws in gut."