Hey, everyone. I'm having a hard time, so I'm just going to share some passages from my grief journal. Ready? Here we go.

From 2/15/15:

Eventually I'll be able to think of you and not be sad, instead I'll remember all the times we had together-not the times we didn't and wouldn't in the future. I'll be able to think, "I wish mom was here." in those moments. And then I'll remember the times you were.

When I read through my journal, I can remember each instance and each dream described with incredible visibility. I wonder if this will be the most vivid year of my life. I can recall so many painful things.

When I'm reading through this journal, I can see every place where my heart broke. There are a lot of entries where all I'm saying is, "Mom, I miss you so much. I want you back. Why did this happen? I miss you so much. It's just not fair." over and over again.

This weekend has been pretty awful for me. I feel very broken. Mother's Day is next weekend. It feels very cruel.

Have a great week.